Complicated Girl, Simple Lifestyle, Conventional Needs

Fugstards

2006-04-26T00:00:00.000+08:00

If it's not been already coined out, i am laying first claim to copyright.

Bloody hell. I've IDIOTS for group mates. Today was supposed to be a good day, but it's Murphy Law (i alwiz use this theory when i cant comprehend something). Everytime u think a day will end up good and u wait in anticipation, it is alwiz ALWIZ screwed.

Ok, ok. *Deep breath*. Good side is Jun finally came bak in a piece. Bad news is out of my short list of 'to-get things', he brought only one back. 3 packs of facial cotton. And a scrunchie (tie hair rubber band) and a small bear. Those 2 dun count becos they would not in the initial list.

Where are my shoes? My god, the way i wear my 'Birkie' sandals to work and walking to and from work, sch and everywhere, i've already worn out both my new sandals. And the small alarm clock leh? My god, you went to the 2 cheapest places in the world and you didnt get stuff that are cheap as dirt there? Anyway tis post isnt about him. Coined term above not him.

Fugstards are the idiots whom i have for group members. I already try not being the leader nowadays bcos from 3 yrs of leadership role in poly, i am bloody sick of it. It's a thankless job that would have you vomitting your brains out and frequently result in silent heart attacks at the depth of the stupidity of ur members. One day if i suddenly suffer a real heart attack or stroke at the age of 30, i would prob say it is the latent effect of being a team leader since poly.

I try to avoid it now, meaning i dun take action to get some action out of other members until the very last min. Think: few days before the deadline is due with nothing done. However, i find that even with this attitude, there are people who would happily be oblivious to the impending deadline and wait for someone to start the ball rolling.

People, y the hell cant u be more initiative? I am the one working 15 hour weeks, having other commitments as well, and have 4 other individual essays!

First, MCO group. Tis fri we present the case study, thurs morning must email powerpoint slides and notes to the tutor. Last week i msged everyone (after waiting for the ENTIRE easter break to pass, *&%^$#!) asking if we are gonna do anything about it since nth has been done. Save for Vicky (not one of the fugstards, although doesnt like to return ppl calls), none of them even replied back until tis monday. Asking if we can meet up on Anzac day.

Hello? U wait a wk to reply my sms and you wanna meet on a PUBLIC HOLIDAY? You will have nth to contribute cos u din even read the bloody case cos u dun even have the book! So u want me to meet u all up and nothing will get done bcos everyone is busy reading the case from my textbook. U want me to give up my well-deserved PH that could have been spent doing more meaningful stuff just to stare in space doodling while you guys read?! Siao. And that was just one guy. The other din even reply, *&%!

Fine. I cant attend Fri's makeup tute for the presentation anyway. Me and Vicky decided to take half the qns, each one take 2 qns to prepare n present. I take 3 cos I am not going to tute on Fri so will email Vicky the full answers n own slides, and she will just blab out my part. So Vicky can take charge of the remaining shit from there n i will be free once i send her my stuff. By tonight, since i got the MCO essay to finish in 2 days. And i know she wouldnt even try as hard as me. Prob just send them an email or sth n if she doesnt get any reply she will just email the tutor.

The bloody unit is also partly to blame. Want us to put in so much effort, but u dun wanna assign even minimal marks for our effort. What do u expect other than shit-titude? U make it compulsory but on the other hand u wun even give us a 5 or 10% allocation for class participation or sth. Hello, uncle? Your unit has a a composition of half Asians and half locals. Asian mentality = no incentive, no workee. Also, your unit is competitng with other units with regards to the effort taken by the student as well. And they are ALL compulsory tutes like yours, BUT we get marks allocated for completing each tutorial or presentingl. From the student's perspective who is faced with many essays and projects and compulsory tutes to prepare for, which unit do u think they will put more effort in when it comes to their turn? Even that can be justified from the locals' perspectives.

So fug it. Me and vicky agreed that we will do our parts, and not get worried about the fugstards' lack of responsibility. Worse come to worse, email Eric (tutor who is French and i am in love with his accent and smile) telling him that we did half but God knows where the fuckstards are now despite repeated emails, smses and calls. So if he wants, he can let Vicky present Qn 1-4 and take over from there; or he can present himself.

Second, GMKTG group project. Bloody gal took the DVD to burn and after more than a week when we are supposed to meet in 2 days, tells us that she couldnt burn them cos 'dunno why'. Fine, but cannot tell me/us in advance so we can help ah? Nevermind, i told her i would try to find someone with DVD burner. In the end i found out that it couldnt be burned cos the blank CDs that she gave me were only for VCD/CDs; not DVD content. Not enought memory space in them to burn the case study video. That gal studies IT, IT!! Gawd, i dunno whether i should laugh, cry, or tear my hair out while beating myself senseless. Even I, the computer imbecile knew what was wrong with the blank CDs. We are meeting on Thurs, and only 2 of us have watched the video 2 weeks ago. Like hell anything can come out of that meeting. To think i am sacrificing my only 1 hr lunch break in the whole week for tis kinda shit.

Last time i used to get agitated by lack of quality and late handing of parts to me (both usually come hand in hand tog) and i would slog my ass n spend sleepless nights SINGLEHANDEDLY rewriting the entire project into HD-worthy quality. U know what was the only thing i remembered from the 3 yrs of poly? Not the exhilaration of getting A+ for projects nor the praises from lecturers (think they just wanted to kiss my ass cos i was a top student; their only hope to the BS department getting recognition. I am that cynical.).

All i remembered throughout the 6 semesters was that stress would accumulate and I would suffer from breakdowns EVERY SINGLE TIME starting the middle of every semester right until exams finished. I had no life. No proper meals; couldn't sleep; i had no time to go back home; i would cry every single day during the week the project was due, terrified that i couldnt finish in time. I would be irritable; i would binge eat; i would get so horrified at my binge eating i would throw up. I would give shit to my boyfriend, my parents, even the auntie i was staying with.

In the past, everytime someone congratulated me or made some comment about how smart i was, what an achiever i was, i responded with 'No lah, i am not that smart.' AND I REALLY TRULY BELIEVED IT. I am not smart, i was just lucky cos i was hardworking in the early stages of poly. By the time i wanted to be myself and relax, I found i couldnt because i was already being groomed and pushed to be one of the best. I know that nobody got more fuss than me (save the ones like Dean etc), that lots more strangers knew my name than i knew theirs; i was groomed to push myself to the limit by my 'special mentors'. They pushed me to excel, to maintain excellent grades while heaping external duties and responsibilities to me. In a way i am grateful because if it weren't for them, i would never have known that Steffi was capable of so much.

But I was miserable, my life miserable. I used to smile when people said they envied me. But inside i felt that it was some kind of curse; the day i found out i was 3rd in my level and attended my first Academic Achievement Award ceremony, my life changed. I knew alot of people used to say i was very dao n look proud / hao lian in poly bcos i was not a, but THE top student of BS. Bullshit (pun intended). What do u expect huh? U dun give a girl enuf sleep until she is so cross-eyed and blur she cant even recognize anything within a metre of her, and u expect her to be bubbly and friendly? I couldnt even walk straight properly then. Remembered that during those times, i hated myself for becoming who i had become, wishing that nothing had happen. Thinking back to the past, I laugh at all the phoney and heavily edited speeches I made; be it for Student Inc or my graduation ceremony.

Now, i dun give a shit. U give me shit, i just correct ur grammar and pass up shit. Remember, i now aim for an average of 70, not bloody HDs anymore. Ok lah i admit if it's too shit i would attempt to make it appear less shitty, just to pass. But that's all.

Aaaah...the angst, the angst of it all let out. Feels so good. I never told this to anyone before. Apologise for all the expletives used. Had a shitty day anyway. Didnt sleep at all last night. Den went all the way to Vic market only to find out that everything was closed. Oei! U are considered one of the tourist destinations in Melbourne, how can you all close on a public holiday? It's the only time people can go to the market. Idiots.

As the day went on, we found out that everything really comprised of EVERYTHING. Myers, David Jones, all jewellery shops, Priceline etc were all closed. Great. The only time i get to go shopping and every single place i wanna go is closed. Shit, this is Melbourne, not Perth ok?! After resting for one hr (it's amazing, i can just eat and sleep right away, but i was so exhausted), we found out that some of the shops were open. Wah, faster rush there. immediately re-energized. Just when i walked into ValleyGirl, having seen 3 flattering bottoms on display, my someone's mom rang MY hp. I kid you not, the timing was really that 'zhun'. The mother was in her usual high form man..screamed n yelled at him cos he wasnt back yet and she was expecting him. Asked him to take train n bus back himself cos the car is spoilt. Hello, auntie? It was only 4pm then and your son is 26 yrs old this year, not a kid anymore! Man, no wonder he is so gay.

So there you have it. Instant deflation of spirits and enuthusiasm. Mood to return to ValleyGirl gone, even though the bottoms were flattering AND below aud20. He wanted to go back right then but we had already bought movie tickets. Even though i was so pissed, i kindly offered to ask if we could refund the movie tickets so he could die in the bloodbath earlier. But we couldnt.

What else went wrong huh? Oh yeah, bananas supply officially ran out cos even Safeway doesnt sell them at the ridiculous price of $6/kg, let alone the markets. So my banana cake for Friday's bdae dinner is officially screwed and i gotta look for a suitable replacement. Oh yeah, and after taking a nap at 9 just now, i woke up and got so stressed i ate too much again. So, shit, no need to sleep tonight already. At least i got time to rant and rave on this post, and finish the presentation part within 5 hours. Tomorrow need to work 6 hrs starting 930. Having to face Pam and to stand her bossing me for 6 hrs, with no sleep to back me up, i dunno if i can take it.

It's gonna be a long, shitty day tomorrow.

bored shitless

2006-04-18T20:12:00.000+08:00

Seriously, i think this Easter break is really rendering me with constipation - hence the use of 'shitless'. I would love to go on and whine about how affected my current poo has become but will spare you all.

It's so boring it's not funny. Now in box hill doing nothing save listening to people whine and looking on as the same person forces food down my throat. And taking toddlers down to the playground (73..74...75 trees!! Jie-jie, i need to go NOW. I'm bursting! Buy ice cream? Buy tim tams? No? Waaaaah!!! *cries for at least half an hr*).

Initially thought that if i came down to Box Hill, i could force myself to start on research (cos boring mah). Should have known better tat nothing, not even boredom, would get me to that stage, save for desperation.

4 essays, 3 individuals and one group, due a week after classes resume. Great. Should start now, but am totally lost.

Oh yeah, the party on Sunday was great. Went over to Albert's to help prepare food the night before and 4 hours before the party started. The banana cake and curry puffs which i had a hand in were a hit. Met lots of new people. Some from Sydney, some from Perth (my goodness, seemed that people were flying into Melb from all over that weekend!). Some were cute, many were flirty. By the end of the night, me and Tai were the only ones still sober. The rest were either passed out, crying, dirty dancing or puking.

It's not really a good thing at times, being sober. Cos you end up being the one to clean up the mess (puke, dirty dishes), making sure there is still food on the table, going out to buy supper for fussy eaters who refuse to eat food on the table cos 'i dun like this kinda food'. Plus you tend to eat more yourself cos you aint drinking.

But all in all, it was good fun. Kudos to Dave who helped me down the vodka and midori shots when Eason made us drink..Else i wouldnt been able to stick to my one standard drink limit (it was used up an hour before the party started). I also managed to find a boyfriend (K: dun we make a cute couple?) and a husband (E: when you wanna become my housewife?) that night, haha. 2 pretty cute guys somemore. Too baaad....

Glad to have met friends like Natalie (too bad she passed out before the party started) and Donny (my gawd the guy is outrageous) from Sydney - very fun loving people. Hope Eason gets to transfer to Melbourne.

Mental note to remind myself to invite Tai for lunch and gym when I'm back in the city (we agreed to be gym partners for motivation purposes); borrow Dave's cookbook; make Shanghai red bean pancake for Kelvin and....gotta stop here cos brain aches from having to think too much.

And now...anybody can think up of a good excuse to get out of this house and back to the city? I'm planning to 'take my leave / escape' by tomorrow evening.

Research time.

Good Friday eve

2006-04-14T14:35:00.000+08:00

Having Easter break now..until 24th Apr. Dreading it cos it would mean me being bored shitless. Missing out on trips and having to stay at home to finish up 4 essays and countless of readings. Can't do it. Man, i even miss work. Restarting work on 26th April. Geez.

Last night was ok. Went to Ying Thai 2 for Gary's birthday dinner. Adi (his housemate) and I got talking about management and engineering and the vast difference between the 2 courses. He was really engrossed in the discussion as Gary had to wave the menu in front of him to get him to order his drink. Like Adi. He is a nice guy.

Dinner was alright. Had to wait really long for a table. Food servings pretty small for the group of us. Rather salty but maybe cos i cook alot by myself and cant stand salty dishes. After that, got informed that Friday being Good Friday, all shops and supermarkets would close (some bloody regulation i was told). Rushed to Safeway to get enuf food for the weekend and for a dinner i am preparing for friends later.

Reven called to say his friends were at the wine bar downstairs so popped by for a short while. Ended up staying with them til 2am until the bowling bar Strike kicked us out. Keeping to my promise to not getting drunk (so soon) so had one bourbon coke only. Everyone is so proud of me, hehe. I hear applause around. Thank you, thank you.

Met an interesting gal in one of Reven's friends. Judy or Jodie, forgot lah. Also Malaysian but way way richer. Well-travelled, like the classics and has a mind of her own. As in not at all tuned to the submissiveness of the Asian culture. Very open also. Unfortunately smokes too much. Was sitting next to her and the smoke engulfed me for the 3 hrs i was there. She smoked 12 sticks in 3 hrs! Skin was itching by the time i got back.

We got into a very interesting and unique discussion. Alot of the topics which were unprintable anyway. Stuff like the discrete segregation between Asians and angmohs here, necrophillia, washing up after the toilet, ass-licking (literally), sick stuff that sick people do to get aroused etc. Let's just say that i have been sufficiently traumatized and will never look at another person's butt without feeling eeewh. Eeeewh.

Its a rare occasion (and ought to be celebrated) whenever i lose my appetite for the day. Keep going toilet and only had a chunky slice of watermelon the whole day. Probably facilitated by the recurring image of shit and butt-shit. Damn.

Oh yeah. Sunday night there's a pajamas party at Albert's apartment, 8.30pm. Apparently, there's finger food and lots of drinks. I wonder what i should wear..Elmo pyjamas set? Nothing to wear lah....

The audacity of Uni Melb lecturers

2006-03-30T07:29:00.000+08:00

Damnit Damnit Daaaammmmnniittttt!!!!!

I woke up early for this class, power-walked to uni and made it in less than 20 mins, I even read up on the lecture beforehand.

Got there in time. Waited 20 minutes, lecturer didnt show. Everyone left.

Apparently he is sick. But you should have told us earlier, Adam Barsky. Not the late night before! Now i am stuck in uni until 5.15pm.

Calm down..what's the good side of this calamity? I got time to blog and erm...surf? Oh yeah and print lecture notes for today...

But I could have spent the extra hour on my Ethics essay due Friday. Another sleepless night tonight cos I was only able to crap the introduction out last night. What does one expect with over 150 pages of research to skim through? I gotta finish up the essay by tonight or at least Fri morning 6am cos Boss needs me to help out for lunch time on Fri.

This is killing me.

I could have had 8 hours of sleep!! Aaaaargh!

*Steffi passed out and hit the floor. Apparently, she saw a very cute guy walk past her in the library (Must be gay, I'm not that lucky. And cute guys never hang out in the library). That, and the thought of being denied 8 hrs of sleep. *

Ciao people. I will resume contact with the world after Fri 5 pm. If i haven't pass out yet, that is. Take care!

P.S.: Something is really screwed up with Blogger's layout. No matter how many times I keep paragraphing my post nicely, it always goes back to squeezing everything together by default. This really isnt my day.

Killed off by a call

2006-03-18T09:52:00.000+08:00

A called last night. I dunno for what. Pretty surprising cos he called from his hp while at work. It wasnt even for anything important cos the conversation was exactly the same as all those in the past.

First, the qns are alwiz asked by me, with him giving the same answer 'fine' or 'very good'. After all these yrs i can even re-enact the conversation mentally.

My side: How are you? I am good. So how is work? Good, good. Happy for you. How is your mom? Good, good to hear that. Send my regards to her. How is life for you other than work? Girlfriend? Is there anything else you can say other than 'good'? Ok, i have run out of things to say...we talk the next time yeah. Take care. See you later. Bye bye.

Him: I'm fine. How are you? How is work/studies? Doing ok, work is usual. Mom is good. I will send regards, dun worry. Life is good. No girlfriend, just flirting around at the moment (partially made up, dunno true anot, hehe). Very good. Yup, take care. Byebye.

So there we have..this standard conversation that plagued us for as long as i can remember. Do i hear snores from people already? Sufficiently bored to death, guys?

Anyway..not blogging to bitch about my mundane conversations. But just that he left me confused and wondering why he called the whole of last night. I know, i shouldnt even ponder over an apparently meaningless conversation. Think so much for what right? But I just did. Cos even though the conversation was the same, the fact that he called using his hp while working was out of place.

I always prided myself that he was one of the few boyfriends I knew inside out. When i was with him, i could predict what he was doing at any time of the day. I knew the different groups of friends he had, his colleagues, his relatives, his army buddies etc. Probably because of that, I had alot of trust in him even though my primary principle in life was 'Do not trust cute guys'.

Anyway, i still dunno why i am thinking of that, or even blogging about this inane, less than 5-mins call. I think blogging about things that you should get on with and forget about is ultimately bad for the healing process. Blogging can be therapeutic but also evil.

Damnit, there were so many things i wanted to blog about like the Commonwealth celebrations and games, yesterday's Turkish dinner at Brunswick, my first pizza made on Friday, how Jewel flew back yesterday and is now snoring in my bed etc. No mood liao.

Damn long distance relationships.

UPDATE: Remember the bet i had with Jun over whether one of the 2 gals sharing a room in his house would move out within 2 months? I won. Tr just moved out last week. Nehhh-neh-neh-neh-Nehhh...Hehe.

So many things to worry about

2006-03-12T13:56:00.000+08:00

Ok, ok.. This HAS to be a short one..there is no time!! Notice how i long to blog when i am extremely pressed for time..

Did i cover that already? Yeah, i think i did in previous posts. Gawd, i cant believe it, this is actually a bad habit...habit!!

Ok, delusional now. A maddening 36 degrees! Jeez! What is wrong with this city? I thought it was autumn? Once again, locked myself in the basement with cookies and chilled juice. Aaah..the life. Even though there isnt any chair, my labtop is on a makeshift table (of boxes)..and i am pigging out on cookies. Still, i would be mad if i went upstairs n found myself in fiery Hell.

ANyway, as we all know, got the job. Doesnt take a genius to get used to most of the duties required of you as a sandwich-maker-cum-hot-bar-helper. Not seasoned yet, but i can make n wrap a sandwich pretty professionally. You guys will be so proud of me, hehe.

Tutorials have started. Another maddening 180-degrees turnabout. Last sem, tutes were not compulsory. This sem, tutes are not only compulsory, the qns must be prepared for and handed up before the tute starts! If i had so much time to be doing pages of homework, i wouldnt need to work!

In addition, i already have a graded presentation and written assignment, AND another non-graded (but they expect us to put in a lot of effort, for nothing i must add) presentation this coming week. Mad. First wk of uni and i was already forcing coffee down my throat. Urrgh.

I am definitely mixing around more this sem. Happier as well, ever since i started working anywAY. Work is alright. Forces me to interact with people, to smile more, be more carefree, make small talk etc. And i find that i tend to do that more easily to others in the lift, corridors, in lectures and tutorials etc. Makes me more approachable and less shy. More vocal in lectures too, hehe.

I love interacting and serving the customers in Carlton Megabytes. Mabbi cos they are mostly very sweet and understanding people. Only downside is P. She is the senior colleague there, just below the bosses. Actually, everyone working there is a boss, except for P and me. That makes me the lowest in the hierarchy. But if you come around on any day, you would probably think she is the boss, and everyone is staff to be screamed at.

Last Wed was c'est terrible. Was so extremely busy and she kept screaming and picking at me for small things that either wasnt done her way, or that she didnt like. I dunno wat big fuss she was on about anyway, seeing that the customer didnt mind at that time. In fact, he was very nice to me. Think he felt sorry for me cos i was being yelled at. Kept saying he didnt mind and thanked me very sweetly. Still, she made a super-big fuss and lambasted me for ages.

What tore me up the most was that when she did that, the other bosses would add in some admonishing remark as well, as if to back her up that she is right. People, i KNOW you all are right. But gimme a break can y'all? Bad enough i have one screaming lady down my back, and you should know i am already being torn apart by her, just what do you hope to achieve by fueling that fire?

I could have cried on the spot, so miserable was I. But I didnt. I dun want people to feel sorry for me, or said i was a wimp. So i bit my tongue and continued to smile and serve others. Then quickly scoot away to clean tables and sweep floor. Only when i was upstairs did i shed a tear or two. Can't cry too much, wait it becomes obvious.

Thank goodness after that i didnt need to go back for the rest of the week until this Tuesday. :) Anyway, my pay was raised to 10/hour so i am slightly happier. Can't expect any more raise, but I am there cos a) fits my timetable, b) bosses generally nice (excl P), c) love my customers, d) need the referrals and experience.

J's mom came down to Melb so there is another thing to worry about. More on that later.

A msged me the other night. He has this amazing ability to sniff out my most vulnerable moment and calling/msging me at that time. I wonder how that guy does it. Anyway, he said its been a long time since last heard etc. Oh yeah, the guy finally enrolled himself in a part time Business Management degree program. Good for him.

I am relieved that i managed to not text or call him until he did. The first week was pretty hard. But after that I got so busy working and with uni that it sorta slipped my mind. Anyway we talked for awhile, just updating each other about what's been going on. I am genuinely happy for him, whatever he does. Probably not gonna msg/call him until his next contact comes, haha.

Ok, research for written assignment and presentation is hollering at me to sign out of blogger and move my lazy ass to doing research. Not touched yet, you would think i should be worried shitless by now.

This week is going to be Hell. I hope not literally. Weather has to has to has to get better than 36 degrees man. Ciao.

i nearly died!!

2006-02-21T16:21:00.000+08:00

Literally.

Really. I tot i was gonna die.

Wat happened was, i was swallowing 4 fish oil vitamins at one shot mah. One went the wrong way n got stuck in my throat.

Omg!! To relieve the horror again sends shiver to my spine...I started choking, den felt windpipe was blocked. There was this sharp pain there as well. I tried drinking water, no use. Tried vomitting it out, no use also.

Was contemplating calling either both the Js. But then one is in Box Hill, the other is in Bourke street. By the time either gets here dunno if i alive anot. I didnt even know whether to go to pharmacist, doctor or hospital emergency ward. In the end i decided to go downstairs to pharmacist cos it was nearest and i was afraid that i might not be able to breathe later on.

I crawled down n at the entrance, i gave a small burp (I know, very disgusting. But at least i am professional n report true facts instead of making it up). Immediately after that the airway felt much more relieved, but still hurting. I still asked the pharmacist wat to do. She said that something probably inflammed my throat n there is nothing they can prescribe me anyway. Ask me drink alot of water. I think she tot that i was over-reacting.

Concluded that that didnt really help. Self diagnosed myself n decided i must burp more to make the pain go away. So what did i do?

I went in my slippers n 3/4s (which was not of comfy material) to the gym. Must burp mah, so i figured exercise shld do it. Did threadmill n some weights barefooted. Think it helped cos after that i gave a few more small burps, n now except for my sole hurting, and throat hurting, is ok le.

Decided to post tis incident cos the last time i tot i nearly died choking to death was when i was 4, swallowed a sotong in haste, and couldnt breathe for 10 seconds. Now that was scary n traumatic.

By the way, i got the job confirmed. Working at Carlton Megabytes. RMIT cafeteria for prob 4 days a wk. Working less than 3 hrs a day though. Esp tues & thurs which is only 1.5 hrs each. Damn, how much pay can that accumulate to in a wk?

Bad points are :
- Will have to shift one of my tutorials to Wed late afternoon,
- sacrifice both my Tues n Thurs lunch breaks.
- If i take a 15 mins break, they deduct 15 mins pay (hw to calculate that man?). If i dun take break, i gotta leave early. So either way i cant earn more.
- Pay is (brace yourselves) $9 an hour.

Man, this is the most depressing n dissatisfying part of the whole job. I was even gung-ho about cleaning the toilet n washing dishes (until Chai explained to me that nobody likes washing dishes cos it spoils the hands.). I was expecting minimum 10/hr, cos tats wat they pay for casuals COH in the suburbs. This is the city we talking about! Going rate is at least 12 an hr or sth. Tat piece of news really deflated my enthusiasm.

To give them some credit n explain y i didnt leave the job there n then, here r the gd points:
- U can eat their food for free, anything. So i save on daily lunches n groceries. :)
- Job is easy, although tiring. I learnt almost everything except making sandwiches n coffee. Prob will master sandwiches by end of next wk.
- Ppl there frenly (except bro-in-law who is just aloof anyway. As long as it doesnt piss me off) n environment quite nice.
- Not working many hrs a wk so studies wun go too downhill? (Guessing, and also cos i run out of excuses)

So..how? Take or not to take? Tell me yeah.

Meanwhile, i gotta go prepare dinner.

updates updates

2006-02-19T14:40:00.000+08:00

Updated: Tamade...Stupid blogger system screwed up early this morning, hence i now gotta copy word for word of the last post that i couldnt publish. Cos dumbo bimbo here dunno what keys to press to paste on a new post.

Damn...Jun's garden is a mean killing machine and authorities should shut it down. There are twigs n weeds with thorns everywhere. I went to the back just now n got myself scratched badly with this twig filled with thorns at least an inch long? For a moment i could feel mabbi 1% of Jesus's pain when the soldiers forced the crown with thorns on his head. Just that mine was on my feet. Whoever did the last gardening has no brains, cos they left the weeds and thorns all over the garden. Siao. Now i have got a bleeding leg n it hurts like shit.

Anyway, i been meaning to start this post for the last half hour but some domestic problems (sorry, no spousal abuse. U can keep away the popcorn now, people.) regarding a flooded kitchen and a popping shower cap arose. Some ass turned on the washing machine n neglected to notice that the basin overflowed with water. Same ass probably also tightened the shower cap too much, and it popped.

Speaking of which, Jun got 3 housemates all at one shot. All 3 knew each other beforehand, seeing that they came from China. 2 gals n 1 guy. What I find incredible is that 2 gals are sharing a room, and it is small. We are both betting that this double sharing arrangement will last for a max of 3 months. (I said 2 but Jun insisted that we give them some credit. He doesnt know shit, seeing that I am the one who shares the room with my sis during weekends.)

Ae, the Chinese guy is pretty nice. Him being a guy, is very easygoing, which is good. We just played almost 2 hours of EyeToy PS2 games so i like him more, cos he was willing to humor me. He seems to know how to play as well as study, thank goodness. Cos the other 2 gals hole up behind closed doors all day. Man, i wonder if they will suffocate. I would, cos i am so used to leaving the door open.

Am, one of the gals, is generally ok, when u get to see her face outside of her room. A tad too calculative though. Man, u know u have hit the jackpot of mother of all calculators when she refuses to use the washing machine cos she figures that handwashing her clothes would save more electricity and water costs. It is unbelievable that she is that environmentally conscious ok. Ppl from China leh. No offence, but when did they give a shit about their environment? Look at where bird flu & SARS came from man....

And she really knows how to bargain her way down. If it wasnt for me, who acted the tough bitch part and insisted that the rent COULD NOT go any lower, Jun would have caved in long ago just to get her to shut up. He gets frustrated with the language barrier cos they alwiz misintepret his messages. Other than that, she is pretty nice.

Tr, the other gal, is the opposite. She likes to have a certain level of comfort, and is willing to spend for it. That was why I bet she would suffocate and look for another room within 2 months. She is also abit 'xiao jie' and blur. Both the popping shower cap and flooded kitchen was due to her. In a day. Jun is getting exasperated already. But i kinda like her cos she is more easygoing. Plus she has fabulous mushrooms from China, hehe.

I had to be the one telling Jun the bad news when he got back. Hate that. I am the house translator whenever i am around. Cos my half-past-six Chinese is more understandable. That's why newflash for everyone usually occurs when i am around. Even if they tried to communicate with one another, misunderstandings alwiz occur anyway. Kinda funny watching the scene of people struggling with words and actions to get their intentions across actually. Hehe.

Hmm, what else? Oh yah, starting tomorrow i will be helping out at a cafeteria outlet. Renee found somebody else staying nearby to help out, so she recommended me to help in her brother-in-law's main branch. Which is in the city, 15 mins walk from my place. I save on transport as well (Renee's is in Surrey Hills, 20 min train ride from city), how nice! Not sure if i can nail that job though. Other than having doubts on my own competency levels, she needs me to work Tues to Thurs, while i can only do Wednesdays.

From what i hear, basic tasks are dishwashing (no problem), making professional sandwiches (uh-oh, got no idea how), and serving the hot bar (how difficult can that be?). So. Whoever walks into Carlton MegaBites right, DO NOT ask for a sandwich or roll. Unless u are alright with them falling apart, or taking a long time to serve u one. U have been warned.

Anyway i hope i get that part-time job. That way, i may get free leftovers to take back!! Heh. All failing which, at least got money to buy fish to eat. Listen to me, i sound like a sewer rat. Been having small windfalls lately, which i am glad for as it eases up the financial burden of staying here. Windfalls not equal to cold hard cash falling on my lap. Means some expenses have been lowered while some revenue may be coming in. Jeesh, the last thing i need is for my apartment to get robbed. Although the security is so tight, i am daring u all to. *Smirk*

Oh yeah, i just finished my HRM paper last Wed. Probably will pass but praying for a credit. My academic expectations lowers as the semesters go by. I remember being mildly devastated whenever i didnt get a HD for a subject while in poly. Now i am reduced to praying for passes and credits. Sigh.

*Shakes head violently*

Ok, fine now. :)

Got a new housemate now, i think. Said 'think' is cos she hasnt move in yet and may change her mind halfway through. But her bond is with me, so that should be pretty confirmed. Name is Maria, an Indonesian Chinese. Only gal to take up my ad (what's wrong with me??! but my rent was too exp lah), the rest were all guys which i happily rejected. Moving in next Sunday i think. I hope she stays til the lease expires. The lease is under my name now. If she leaves halfway, i am in deep shit. No matter how much part time i can squeeze in a week is not enough to cover the rent.

Had cakes and tea with Ash & Cl in Brunetti's on Fri night. That over clubbing any time!! Gawd knows what the 2 monkeys were up to since Cl touched down in Melb on Tues. Been trying to get their house phone, handphones, door bell etc, but all not answered or shut down. Man, the Greek desserts are to-die-for!! If any of u all ever come to Melb, a must-visit is Max Brenner and Brunetti's. Cl nearly had an orgasm right in front of the entrance where the cakes and tarts were displayed in their full glory. Prices are pretty high, even for those exquisite and unique little thangs.

See, that's the tight-arse Steffi speaking again. Developed this trait once i touched down in Australia. I used to start with "So nice!!", then look at the price tag. And unless its exorbitantly priced, would proceed to checkout counter. Now, it's :
1) stare at it
2) Look at the price tag and frown n say 'Nice, but too bad.
3) Put back item.

The only exceptions to these are food, which i have learnt not to give up on cos i grew sick of eating muesli and yoghurt daily, haha. But still cant bear to buy seafood or fish. Although to Australia's credit, the undies are pretty cheap when Target is on sale. :)

Think i rambled enough. Leg still bloody hurts. Gonna clean the kitchen now. Been cooking too much. As i told Jo just now, if i were to see myself become like this a yr ago, i would have jumped into the nearest river and prayed that i would drown. Heh.

Sian lah

2006-02-18T20:08:00.000+08:00

It's a saturday night and i am alone at home..That being said, i think it's stupid how ppl wail whenever they admit that they r alone bored shitless on friday or saturday nights. Doesn't mean that just cos u happen to have nothing on on a weekend means you are socially disabled and ur life is inexistent. I think i am just consoling myself now, haha.

Anyway, I did had something on tonight, but passed on the offer to go clubbing with Jun. His friend's birthday or something. I have no idea why 80% of the asians here like to hold every single occasion of the year in a club. I have never really liked clubbing, especially the scene here. Tried going a couple of times but every single time, i ended up sulking, regretting and waiting for time to pass before I got the hell out of there. I think there was once I even cried in there, so miserable twas mua.

And did I mention about guys trying to 'accidentally' brush against you throughout the whole 4 hours? I am surprised they didnt try to jump down on me and say 'Oops! Sorry, dear. I tripped." What is with these desperados? Are they so deprived of affection and physical touch that they actually get a kick out of molesting gals?

I think i must be going mad. For once I actually cajoled him into going clubbing, gave him my apartment keys in case he was too tired/pissed to drive back home; and stayed at home leeching on Internet like a depraved deranged junkie.

I think i just gave up on making myself like stuff that I hate. So what if 99.9% of the cool population or my friends go clubbing, and I don't? I rather sit my ass out here bored shitless, than go clubbing, drink too much, sulk too much, spend too much, and get embarassed.

If i were to diagnose myself, I would say its's cos of my two left feet and extremely poor body coordination. And the smoke which ultimately gives me a rash. If that isnt a good (and unique!) reason, I dunno what is. I can die in there leh, let me out!!! Hahahahaha...

On a totally different note, after consulting with all my Aunt & Uncle Agonies, I took a never before drastic step. I actually cut off all contact from a friend. Never before, man. Unless u count that bastard ex, D. If you know me, u would know the only time I actually cut off contact with anybody is if i call the cops on that person. Examples are deranged boyfriends, stalkers, people who steal etc.

After much consideration, I decided that friend just wasnt worth it. Pls see the post below. I may be harsh, but only to myself. I gotta get rid of my emotional baggage before it eats me up n destroys me as well. I need to move on with life, and for so many yrs, I kept hesitating to do that. This deletion forces me to stop the urge to contact him and do something else better with all the spare time i have (excluding cooking/baking/eating).

Gawd, chai will be so proud of me. She nagged me about that 2 yrs ago and is astonished i never took up that advice. Anyway, its not like i am being mean n cutting him off like he is a virus or something. Meanwhile i am also making him contact me first, if he wants to. If he doesnt for the whole yr, means i aint a friend to him. So why should i bother yeah?

Somebody pls convince me that this is in fact logical and i made a right choice. Chai, where are you?? U r needed now...!!

This is a long post, i realize. What do u expect on a saturday night with nothing on one's hands.

Ok, catch up time. Next post.

Happy Valentine's Day

2006-02-14T17:20:00.000+08:00

Happy V-day!!!

Haha, i got orchids leh!! Dunno if its a funeral flower though, ha! Eggy says its a funeral flower. Dun care, its still pretty. Got flowers leh, Despite being holed up in a quiet suburb at least 30 km away from the city n where the only passerbys are old ppl with their doggies...

Notice how during the entire semester i can not bother with one post but usually when there's a critical time limit n my paper is like tomorrow, den i will feel the need to blog.

Exam tomorrow at 9..4 chapters more to go. I already forgot the first 14 chapters already. My brain cells are mostly dead (early death caused by the cramming n reading n coffee), my taste buds are screwed up cos of the foul coffee i force myself to drink. I even lost my appetite for Nutella!!

Talking abt Nutella, i am reminded of Elinna...I miss u babe!!

Oh yah, i came to a conclusion yesterday abt A. Wat my frens all said is right. Just that i refused to look it in the eye for 3 yrs. N i decided to do sth drastic, which i have been threatening to do for so many yrs but nv had the heart to. Sigh. this must happen when i got less than 12 hrs n 4 more chpts to go. He is not worth it as a friend. Cos he will nv be bothered to keep in contact n stuff he said he will do (like call) he will nv do, when u overseas. Even if he knows u r pissed at his blow-hot-blow-cold treatment, he will also nv bother to reply u.

Gd boyfriend but kinda shitty and bo xim friend.

If u see it as different, A., den gimme a reason why. Cos thats how i see it, esp as a friend overseas. U dunwanna contact its ok cos we still need to get on with life. I accepted the fact tat i would lose alot of frens when i moved overseas to study. But y not just let me go then, if u cant be bothered to keep in contact? If u think i aint worth an INITIATED sms. U want me to keep u as a friend, u gotta give me a reason for thinking u r worth it. If all i get is blow-hot-blow-cold treatment, u aint worth it cos u cause me confusion n emotional hurt.

I value friendship alot wan leh. So to u all is a simple matter, but to me..i get very hurt when a gd fren treats me lidat. Cos i know i would do alot or at least be there for u when u need as a fren.

Shit i am getting agitated. Tis alwiz happens to me when i study. Shit!!!

My head still hurts. I still have 4 more chpts n a final recap to go.

Funny how life still goes on even with all the emotional turmoil n confusion. Oh well, at least i am cute (albeit chubby), not lacking basic needs, have food, have frens, have loved ones.

I must remember that. Life still goes on with or with0ut shitty frens.

Mmuaacks!! Spread the love around today everyone!! Try not to puke when u see ultra-super-duper-lovey-dovey couples on the streets today. Remember, it aint me!! Remember, i am suffering and not celebrating here!!

Screw HRM. I just wanna pass..Hope the MCQ (dun underestimate them, they r killers) section is easy n i can crap thru the short-answer qns.

She is going

2006-01-26T00:16:00.000+08:00

Oh yeah...initially wanted to add some news to the already-long post below..but thought this deserved a mention by its own.

J is going..leaving me...I have lost her to Tasmania...Waaaah!!!

Man, it will be really difficult to find another flatmate as easygoing as her. Sure, she whines and bitches at times, but never about me.

Actually need to congratulate her lah. That lucky gal got so many degrees, want more. Wanted to take law and her former uni, University of Tasmania, offered her a scholarship, and one year exemption.

Of course people have to go lah!

But only for a year. She intends to study a year there, then transfer back to Melb Uni's law program. Cos the 2 unis recognize each other's programs, therefore its easier too. What I am afraid of is, her never coming back cos she fell in love with a guy there.. We never know, eh?

So she is going. By end of next month. Means as much as i am happy for her, i gotta find another flatmate. Like ASAP else i end up paying weeks of rent in full, man. That's like 310aud a week! Need to find a job too...sigh. Else cant pay all da bills and get a new fridge n stuff. She needs to sell some white goods and that's understandable.

Mommy was very insistent in me not moving out and staying somewhere further. I think she scared I stay with Jun or get into wrong company or sth, haha. To her credit, she actually did pause to think for awhile cos the cost savings were just so so beneficial for her. But the religious and societal implications of me living with others (what if there are guys, or is a gal but gay??!) came in fast too and she said resolutely, "NO! Not good lah. What will people say?"

Like I give a shit about what other ppl across an ocean thinks. But Box Hill too far lah, city alwiz the best. Find a PT job better.

Sssigh....really difficult to find a gal so open yet with moral boundaries intact. Man, i would hate those that close the sliding door all the time. Like drawing the line and making it obvious to you that 'This is my room. That is yours. Dont come in, even if i suffocate inside and you just wanna let the air in." Those ppl will kill me. The apartment already so small, u close the door n declare it forbidden 24/7, i will suffer from severe clastrophobic symptoms.

Hell, J just walks right past me if i am naked. (Until now i still not used to it and will paiseh). We have become so comfy with each other and together, that there really is nothing left to reveal, actually. Physically also lah, but in our household, nobody cares. We've even watched porn together (hers ah, not mine), but critically analysing the *ahem* 'starlets' bodies of course.

Where to find someone who doesnt mind sharing clothes/shoes/food/bags? Of cos she borrows mine at whim as well.

Where to find someone who willing to wash the toilet all the time? Restock the toilet rolls, detergent, fruits etc, and rarely ask u to pay her back in half?

Where to find someone who, when eating out together, will let u eat for free half her portion?

Where to find someone who will nick salon stuff n freebies so we can still use high-end conditioners and hair treatments, which come in cool bags somemore?

Where to find someone who will worry and ensure that her flatmate (me) is well taken care of and is settling well without her, before moving over to her new place?

Man, will I miss her.

The way i say it is like angel lidat. Of cos got shortcomings lah. But only now when she is going do i realise how easygoing that woman is. How difficult it is to find someone like that. How afraid i am of the next gal who will come along, whether she is even half of her.

At least wash the toilet bowl can?

On a totally different tune...my fruit cake baked finish already..yay!! Can finally sleep. Man does it smell good. I am resisting having a slice lest i end up hyperactive n bounce on couches the whole night.

On that note, good night. Ciao people!

And so the Housewife is back

2006-01-25T23:17:00.000+08:00

I have been cooking and baking so much lately, everyone has gotten worried and started teasing me about me fully into my 'housewife' role. I like to think of it as 'mother role' leh.

Why 'mother' is cos just last Saturday i was cooking single-handedly for 6 young piglets (dunno why from 3, became 5, then last min the 6th joined us). Add to the chores of nagging them to eat, feeding (and fattening) them up with proper food, yelling at them to eat before the dishes turn cold (sounds familiar, anyone?) etc. If that is not mothering, I dunno what else is.

Right now as I sit here typing, I have collected (and tried out) at last count, 10 pgs of recipes. Trying to compile them so i can file them what. That's like in less than a month. I am also waiting for my fruit cake to finish baking so I can go to sleep.

It's gotten so bad, this unhealthy, disillusioned, so-not-Steffi hobby of mine, that nowadays if I ever go online, most of the websites are for scouring recipes. Mine and J's grocery bill is like twice the amt than usual, due to all the insane experiments I've been trying out.

J put it aptly when she tried to set my priorities right by remarking that I came here to study, NOT cook and be housewife/mother. J, as usual, is my most enthusiastic supporter. Of cos lah, since that piggy just needs to open mouth for food to drop in, and never need cook again. The aftermath of my cooking storm seems to be pretty positive, seeing that both of our tummies have expanded.

If I ever make it big as a chef / restauranteur (dunno if got such word) /mommy, my vision / purpose statement / goal that will be engraved into the walls of my home/business site, would be this

To contribute to the increase in national weight/obesity levels in Australia / Malaysia / Singapore.

(Super fine print) Especially for the annorexic, malnutritioned lookalike skinnyshits (boys grudgingly accepted but more of the gals with long legs and flowy hair that irritate me more).

My personal aim is to spread the mantra to all of the above category (skinnyshits) mentioned in the hopes that it would stick to their heads and Lord willing, they may actually act upon it. It would go something like,

Food is Good for YOU!!

Embrace Meat! Meat is Good!

Do not forsake Carbo! Carbo is Good!

Flesh is Good! Abit of Flesh on your bodies will make you look Good!

Come Come Come!

Embrace Food for Chrissakes!

Do not treat it like the Devil and run from it!

That being said, one of my strategies would be to open up my restaurant/kitchen to these people in the hopes of contributing something to their malnutritioned bodies and their 24-inch waistlines. I can so envision it. Skinnyshits of the above category would get to eat scrumptious meals either FOC or with hefty discount (depends how rich I am). Of course, those skinny sticks like Jun cannot apply cos no matter how much food you stuff into the likes of those people, they will always remain skinny. No use. Will only bankrupt me.

As much as I would love to save the whole world, I must accept the fact that some people are beyond redemption. Lucky bastards. That's why I call them skinny sticks, and not skinnyshits.

Note: I am only making fun of and targeting those gals (ok lah ok lah guys also!) who actually refuse to eat (or eat very little) to maintain that pithe, willowy, frame of theirs. People with more than 1300 calories a day of intake but are STILL skinny belong to the skinny sticks category and are excluded. Only gals (tell me, which guy is willing to starve?!) who are obsessed in squeezing to a XXS size when they are already XS and should be S/M, I'm sore at.

So don't go giving me shit, people. I have too many friends who are skinny sticks to risk losing their friendships over. Not you all! NOT YOU ALL!!

Believe me, there is ALOT out there. Ask Hope.

Shit, i digressed. Back to cooking.

The funny/weird/scary thing is, I actually love every minute of cooking. Especially the sense of satisfaction when I've done it well. I shouldnt have done too bad, though. Nobody has been admitted to the hospital as yet, and everyone comes out with rounder tummies. It's gotten to a point that J would rather eat sandwiches/junk/burgers whenever I'm not around than cook a decent meal.

Sigh..i wonder what will my beloveds in Melb do when I am not around anymore.. Probably celebrate the return of normal life and start losing weight, hehe.

But you know what was the ultimatum that made me realised that mabbi I'm obsessive with cooking?

When I asked Jun to get back his digital camera SO i can take pictures of some culinary experiments I have created to Post on my blog.

Thinking of converting this blog to a foodie blog. That's what I spend most of my time doing now anyway.

What say you all?

Something to share

2006-01-06T04:13:00.000+08:00

Daddy sent me an email about a family friend's funeral service which was very touching..so needless to say i cried. Of course i am not gonna copy n paste everything down but there is this poem by Ted Cole who was on death row on Aug 14 1988 which struck a chord and familiar sentiment.

This is to my Mama too.

To Mama

I got a letter from Mama today
And she didn't really have much to say,
but when times are hard and life gets tough,
just her name on the envelope is more than enough.

It means alot to me to know she's there,
to listen to my troubles, to say a little prayer,
and she's the only one who seems to understand
when my head's in the clouds and there's no place to land.

She doesn't condone all the things I do,
And I guess I never really expected her to,
But she's quick to forgive and her love will still show
But then, she can't help it, she's a Mama, you know?

I often don't stop to consider the fact
That unlike my letters, hers are written with tact.
She doesn't complain about the troubles she's got,
The hard times and problems that I know visit alot.

Mama and I, we've had good times and bad,
Times rich with laughter and times that were sad,
And regardless of life's letdowns and many small lifts,
She'll always be Mama, one of life's greatest gifts.

Alas! I know it's been 3 weeks since I last updated..What to do? I am a busy gal.. *smirk*

Summer school just started and I am horrifed at the intensity of it all crammed into 6 weeks despite us taking only one unit. Exactly one month from today i am expected to start revising for my final paper...!!! I haven't even learnt anything!

Taking Human Resource Management somemore...*yawns* and it is so dry!! Lecturer keeps reiterating on the essence of keeping up with the coursework since summer courses are super-intensive. Planned to work initially to pay bills and stuff but after hearing that, became undecided.

Man...i haven't had enough holidays yet!!! Aaargh!!

But I seriously need more money too. No, it's not for shopping.

Melbourne's cost of living is so freaking high..every expense from grocery to transport to tuition fee jumps higher & higher every year. From last July until now, the allowance given me isn't enough..every month my expenses keep eating into my savings.

It's either move out to stay in suburbs (so much cheaper plus more living space..my apartment is so small I feel claustrophobic) or stay in city and start SOS-ing or working when I really can't afford to pay the rent anymore..

Hell, i've a tirade of things to say when it comes to rent, man...It's so ridiculously high, its not funny. And i'm already sharing with J already..damn. But that tirade will have to be in another post.

I've been missing home since the day I touched down in Melbourne..Damn, i miss all of you so much..aaarggh!!

Mmuaaacks..Take care!

Extract from The Australian

2005-12-15T14:19:00.000+08:00

Just thought those deprived of commentaries from around the world and too tight-arse to pay for online subscription would like to read for themselves what some Australians think of Singapore. Not my views horr..Although i must say that its probably temporary feelings generated by the Nguyen Tuong Van incident from the media. But den the poor but foolish boy has already been hung so also no use. But damn, the article has pretty accurate depiction..

Update: Damn, Chai oso upload the same article but she dunwan to get into trouble with govt. So u all link me if u want ok? Wat do i stand to lose? At most they ban me from Singapore lorr...lagi better cos i dun need to fulfill my 3 yr contract to work there..haha!! If not for my mom needing the banker's guarantee back, all my close friends in there, and its nearer to touch down in Changi than KLIA, i won't even be stepping into Singapore. Last time, still did it for the shopping, but now got Bangkok!!

Must differentiate myself..so i do sth extra..like highlighting impt points haha

The Australian (Tuesday November 29 2005)

Image Of Singapore Tarnished

Behind the execution of Nguyen Tuong Van lies a repressive city-state whose contradictions are becoming clearer, says Garry Rodan.

Whatever the merits or otherwise of Singapore Government’s refusal to grant clemency to Nguyen Tuong Van, it’s handling has dealt a blow to Singapore’s image. The city-state is renowned for bureaucratic efficiency and meticulous attention to detail by its political leaders.

This didn’t square with John Howard learning from reporters that, while he was making his plea to Singapore Prime Minister Lee Hsien Loong, Van’s mother was already in receipt of the Singapore Government’s decision letter.

More than clumsy diplomacy, the clemency episode is the latest illustration of growing challenges facing the ruling People’s Action Party in managing contradictions inherent in the Singapore development model. Singapore’s increasingly sophisticated market economy has also involved the proliferation of government-linked companies that are central to the power base of the PAP. And Singapore’s rise as a regional media and information hub has gone hand in hand with stringent curbs on free expression.

For four decades, its leaders have skilfully reconciled competing political and economic pressures to preserve state economic interests and authoritarian rule. But in the context of globalisation, managing and concealing contradictions is proving more difficult.

It is the internationalisation of government-linked companies that has driven involvement in Burma and which contradicts the harsh, punitive stance on drug trafficking within Singapore. As Australian media have highlighted, while Singapore’s courts have been sending hundreds of drugs mules to the gallows, GLCs have seized on business opportunities in one of the world’s leading drug source countries. At home, GLCs are insulated from such media scrutiny..

With the internationalisation of Singapore’s cashed-up GLCs, thhe negotiation of free trade agreements and the more comprehensive integration of Singapore into the global economy, official rhetoric depicting Singapore as a transparent market has also come under unprecedented critical international scrutiny. Temasek Holdings, with a portfolio of $83 billion in about 40 companies, and the Government Investment Corporation, managing more than $140billion of taxpayers’ money in overseas investments, have been the principal focus. Many of the companies involved are not publicly listed and are exempt from legal or regulatory requirements for routine external reviews or public declarations.

In separate FTA negotiations with the US and Australia, the lack of transparency of GLCs and the independency of Singapore’s regulatory authorities were contentious issues, viewed by the US in particular as serious obstacles to competition in the domestic market.

The international Monetary Fund has also called for more transparent fiscal and monetary frameworks and raised concerns about the scope for conflicts of interest in Singapore owing to interpenetration of executive power, regulatory authority and leading GLCs. For instance, Lee’s wife, Ho Ching, is the executive director of Temasek.

Contradictions are also playing themselves out in domestic politics. The government’s transparency claims have been an unwitting political opportunity for critics. In Auguest, 12 anti-riot squad police, wearing helmets and knee-high protective gear, and armed with shields and batons, formed a phalanx in front of the Central Provident Fund (national superannuation) building in the city centre. This was in reaction not to a security threat but to four silent protesters wearing T-shirts and carrying placards demanding greater transparency and accountability in the use of public funds.

Although the protesters did not appear to violate the Public Entertainment and Meetings Act, which requires a permit for a public meeting of more than five people, they were dispersed and their T-shirts and placards confiscated on the pretext of possible charges of causing a public nuisance.

Tension between the media hub and curbs on free expression also entered a new phase this year with the mushrooming of internet weblogs (or blogs). With no moderators, system administrators or web content managers for Singapore’s authorities to monitor, filter or warn, they have provided new avenues for government critics. The blog of Chen Jiahao, the former beneficiary of a government scholarship to study in the University of Illinois, was at the centre of one controversy when he criticised scholarships as overly restrictive. After threats of defamation proceedings from a leading state bureaucrat, Chen was intimidated into shutting down his blog.

The Firms Act contradicts the state-nurtured image of Singapore as a creative arts hub, as does propaganda by the government-controlled media. This act was invoked earlier this year when Martyn See’s Singapore Rebel, a documentary on political dissident Chee Soon Juan, was withdrawn from the Singapore International Short Film Festival. The making, distribution and the showing of films containing ‘wholly or partly either partisan or biased references to or comments on any political matter’ is banned under the act, which provides for a two-year jail sentence or an $80,000 fine.

Creative thinking is alive, though, with political activist Yap Keng Ho filing a police complaint against Singapore’s national broadcaster MediaCorp for allegedly violating the Films Act by screening a number of pro-PAP, party-political programs.

Significantly, such contradictions have not hitherto prevented a string of international educational institutions from conducting operations the city-state. However, concerns about academic freedom weighed heavily when one of Britain’s leading institutions, the University of Warwick, last month declined Singapore’s invitation to set up a campus.

This not only put Singapore authorities in damage control, it has raised the bar for all other courted institutions. Can the University of NSW for instance, maintain its academic reputation without the formal and binding protections of academic freedom sought by Warwick’s faculty? To genuinely realise its ambition of becoming a global schoolhouse, Singapore might have to make significant concessions. This is easier said than done.

The authoritarian PAP regime is not going to collapse any time soon. It has proved remarkably resilient precisely because it has been constantly modified. But new challenges present Singapore’s leadership with a dilemma. Either it embarks on a successful new phase in regining the mechanisms of authoritarian rule or it will increasingly struggle to manage the inherent contradictions of its own success.

Garry Rpodan is director of the Asia Research Centre and professor of politics and international studies at Murdoch University in Perth.

I just have to have to HAVE TO get if off my chest

2005-11-20T20:00:00.000+08:00

I know...i wasn't supposed to blog til my exam finished..but I also know that if I don't vent it out, I will keep thinking about it..which is pretty stupid considering that its supposed to be insignificant but somehow (for reasons unfathomable (dunno got this word anot)) I just can't get it off my mind. Anyway, I need to take a break...the only thing I do most consistently on the study table is nodding off to sleep and munching nonstop (to prevent from nodding off) or having headaches.

Ok, curiousity piqued yet?

I AM BLOODY *censored* PISSED !!!

And at which idiot this time? A 5 year old kid who happens to be one of the most obnoxious, smart-arses I have ever seen (of all the children I have seen, of course). We discount adults ok? Cos if adults were that moronic, they wouldn't be able to live long anyway. Which serves them right. And if an adult (defined as from 18 and above) were to say that to my face, I would have slapped them so hard they would look like chipmunks with mumps.

But this is a 5 year old kid, girl somemore (whatever happened to the generally true theory of girls being nicer anyway?). Oh yeah, another reason why I didnt hit her was cos she's Jun's niece. So there. Cannot scold/hit somebody's niece, especially when in front of her mother. Can only smile and faster scoot back to the room, seething. No wonder I am pissed.

Ok, i digressed enough. I get to the point.

His sis-in-law and 3 kids came down to Melbourne for holidays and after yum cha today, Jun brought them back to the house cos they wanted to kill time. Nick (eldest) was ok..very hyper and kept rolling/stomping on the floor, but what do you expect of a 7-year-old boy? Anyway, to appear nice, I entertained him by playing eye-toy games on PS2 with him. Shouldnt even be doing that, tomorrow is marketing paper and I'm not even half way through with revision.

Then I saw Cathlin, the 5 year old (brat! brat!) trying to get her balloon back. Be nice mah, so pick the balloon up and make conversation with her lorr. Then i asked, 'Who gave you this balloon?'.

Piang, that girl gave me a very lan yong look, replying " Its not ba-loon, its bah-loon". Sounding like she knows everything like that.

I was like, huh..that was precisely what I said. And she pronounced it in a very weird way. "Yeah, that was wat I said, what. Isn't it 'ba-loon', or do you say it differently in Malaysia?"

The lan yong look come back with double the dosage this time. " Its bah-loon ok? I am English, you are a Chinese!"

KNN this time lao niang really pissed at her. WTF? Who the hell she think she is?

Me: You are not English, dear. You are an Australian.

Her: No, i am English. You are Chinese.

Then I faster went back to my room already..knn i stand there any longer I may have the urge to slap her face. Knn that look...see already fucking dulan. 5 years old only. 5 years old!! If at 5 years old she can have this kind of look, say that kind of stuff..I can't imagine what she would be like if she were 16 or 21. All i can hope is that someone change her attitude and mindset before she really gets shit from the real world. I strongly recommend some spanking and proper teaching to be done.

Fuck, man. I have never gotten so irked up by someone younger than me. Half my height and less than 1/4 of my age somemore. If she were someone else's daughter (henceforth not related) or she is older (like 14 or so), then hell hath no fury like Steffi pissed. Not even the locals here dare to say to our faces these kind of stuff.

Hello, Cathlin, you listen to what I have to say ok?

No. 1 - You are not freaking English. Who the hell lets you think you are English. You are, at most, halF Australian-half Chinese (Dad is Chi, mom is Australian). And trust me, jiejie feels that you look more Chinese than Australian, unlike your 2 brothers. So don't go growing up thinking that you are English, English, English; like its royalty like that.

No. 2 - You don't even stay in Australia. You come from where? MALAYSIA. You stayed where your whole life? MALAYSIA. And jiejie feels obliged to tell you that, English people come from ENGLAND. NOT MALAYSIA, who discriminates against the Chinese so much so that I don't even feel like I am a Malaysian cos I have never been supported/recognized by my own government as a citizen. Hell, I dun even know how to sing the anthem. I bet you have never even been to England before. So don't go saying you are English, please.

No.3 - You are only 5. Jiejie is more than 4 times older than you (Don't give me shit about me being old ah, you ppl). I went through 10 years of learning proper English (the English's English somemore), been speaking and writing in English my whole life. So you think you know how to speak better English than me just cos, what, you stayed in Malaysia? Or cos you are English? Or bcos you are mixed and thus feel that you are more superior than everyone else?

Hello?!! Even the Australians here oso dun say that to our faces. They may think that, but they rarely say that out loud (at most throw eggs or grapes when you driving only).

I know, I do sound rather harsh, considering she is only 5. But what I really wanna know is, what kind of ideas is she getting from her environment, man..That being a Caucasian or being mixed means you are more superior than others? Is society in Malaysia giving her that impression? So much so that she forgets that her dad is Chinese, her grandparents, aunties, uncles, cousins are all Chinese as well?

Because if that's the case, I'm never never NEVER letting my child grow up in Malaysia. Where society fawns upon the angmohs, and forget that we, the Chinese, also helped to make Malaysia what it is today, not the angmohs.

You don't need to recognize my existence, or take me into consideration for your universities or whatever privileged benefits only the Malays are getting. I don't really care. I was lucky enough to go over to Singapore and Australia to receive my education. To me, Malaysia was where I went back to sleep, go to church, and grocery shopping with mom.

But I will be damned, if it has gotten so bad, that a 5 year old kid can come up to my face and tell me 'I am English, You are Chinese. So i am wrong and you are right.'

God help us all when that day actually arrives.

Right. All fury out now. Gotta go back to study already. Damn, already feeling drained. Paper is at 2pm tomorrow and I've like 7 chapters more to go. 1 down, 3 more papers to go. Ciao ppl.

Mother of all procrastinators

2005-11-03T18:49:00.000+08:00

Damnit...i allocated 5 days to study for QM2. And tats cos i have no idea wat its talking about from beginning to end. Oh, the only thing i probably understand (n is not tested on cos its apparently too basic :P) is the first lecture when he was giving a review of averages..You know, mean, median and mode..If i didnt even get that first lecture I would have given up studying and just fail the darn thing. But guess i am screwed this way as well (gonna die trying somemore, so much more torturous).

Its the 2nd day. And i happily spent time eating, surfing (side effects of withdrawing from use of free flow, high-speed internet for too long), watching Naruto (10 episodes all at one shot) and listening to gangsta music. Now i am blogging somemore..sigh. And its past 6!!

Damn. I feel like chaining the computer. Either that or the cable modem. But too bad it aint mine to chain to. Too bad i am in a place where there is cable access..Also too bad i been deprived from anime, internet and music for too long. And too bad there isnt anybody in the house to fight me for the computer, henceforth i am Queen of the house and can hog the computer whole day. *evil laughter*

OMG!!! I cant stay in this place man!!! Someone drag me away from this place by force puhleeze!! I swear i am gonna stay away from this house unless its some good reason like Aunt J coming over n requesting me to stay there.

Meanwhile what kinda music i listen to? Other than a sudden influx of Michael Buble (my choice, of cos)..I currently listening to the legal owner of this house's choice of music. This just a sample. Dun faint horr...
- Mesmerized by faith evans and dj nas (remix)
- Smokin and stripping by 50 Cent ft DJ Whoo Kid
- Take you to a motel by 50 cent ft Lloyd Banks
- Just a Lil Bit by (who else?) 50 Cent
- Bam Bam Riddim mix by Beanie Man, Bounty, Spragga, Red Rat, Cutty Ranks etc (i swear i am not making the names up)
- We gonna hit your ass up by 50 cent and Llyod Banks and Tony Yayo (dunno y, i find this hilarious)

I give up la...there is like 100 more songs with all these titles. .... i think...i still like Michael Buble better. Horrifying thing is i am starting to get used to ghetto/gansta/rap music blasting around me nowadays. Ewww...Some are pretty good (like Hope by Twista ft Faith Evans) but i will be damned if anyone can understand wat the hell they singing without looking at the lyrics. Dun say sing along with them.

Damn..am in a hissy pissy mood now. Just got myself irritated by someone and blurted out words that are probably too harsh (although its true) to a close friend. But its true what..if you can't do anything and you dunwan to change ur choice/decision, then stop whining and irritating the hell out of whoever is listening! You end up making everyone ard you pissed as well.

Its like L all over again. She knows wats her prob and the solution to it; she even knows what she is going to do. But no, she must whine n moan and ask everyone all around her 24/7 for at least two weeks what to do, when we all know that despite all our advice, she already set up her mind on the solution. Meanwhile as her frens, we suffer having to hear about that topic/problem nonstop everytime we see or hear from her. Comes with all the drama somemore. If this were a show, it would be more like a bloody soap series than a 2 hour movie.

The last analysis of her supposedly 'relationship' was jacked up to such proportions by herself that she somehow deluded herself into thinking that a guy misled her to believe that he was interested in her, and that her feelings kena cheated when she expected something to come out of it but nothing did. The truth was he didnt even make the first move and only thought that she was a nice person to talk to.

Well, just that delusion of hers resulted in endless conversations and conversations that alwiz brought usback to that topic, HIM...And her singing soppy sad songs in KTV for 2 freaking whole years..And her analyzing and reanalyzing for more than 1 year about what his actual intentions were, and convincing herself he was a bastard.

The poor guy, he never really understood why she was suddenly so cold to him after the hols. But I think we as her frens were more pitiful cos we were the ones who had to go thru that same shit poured over us over n over again for such a long period of time. If it were a 2 year relationship that turned sour, i can understand. But something that didnt even happen?

Someone please tell me how can this kind of peoplle exist? Those who blow things out of proportion so badly, its not funny. And i tot i was bad.

Of course i am still bad..and she is still our good friend and only cos of that did we bother to go through with her for the entire period..and i still love her.

Tat being vented out, i think i have some apologizing to do. Excuse me. And please pray that i have an ounce of self-restraint left..and that I wont come back to blog til after exams are over.

Ciao

Happy Belated Birthday!!!

2005-11-02T17:24:00.000+08:00

I can now add another achievement to my already overflowing list of them (how a list can 'overflow' i dunno).. Apparently i am good at ...ahem... cooking terriyaki pork in soba noodles and curry chicken noodles.

*beams brightly*

Yup, just 5 mths ago the cooking-clueless Steffi is gone. Replaced by very gung-ho, conjures-plenty-of-reasons-to-cook-and-try-out-new- recipes-on-poor-friends, Steffi. The curry chicken thingy right, I have officially patented it. Aparently everyone unanimously agree that they have never seen anything lidat in Msia/Spore/Melbourne/Perth before, keke. Jun tried to convince me to open a stall to sell that, and before u ppl think he is trying to flatter me...we are talking about Jun, the cook critic who, even if there is something good to say, will choose to say the bad thing ok? Dun talk about flatter..sheesh, that guy doesnt even know what 'tact' means man. I will never forget that lipo incident that he let slip man...

In conclusion, I am good. Face it, people. Ha!!

Anyway, was his birthday yesterday. Will post up pics of what i gave him and the birthday cake when i can. Took me 3 1/2 days to make his present. After the first night of making it, i was already cursing myself. Why cant i just take the easy way out and buy a nicer, more colourful book of birthday vouchers from Borders or Club X (Club X sells them for only AUD 9)? But no, i must spend more money on all the materials and make it from scratch.

Anyway, suppose to go crab restaurant to have scrumptious meal with Jewel and Francis. But that atas lawyer (so therefore thinks he has the right to put us on-call 24/7 all the time) aka F, cancel last minute. So end up i cooked him an equally scrumptious terriyaki pork with soba noodles. Because we are tight-arses la...no money to spend already. Sauce is connocted myself from scratch ok, dun playplay. And again, its good.

Also baked him a chocolate cake with choc frosting..You know me la, chocoholic sure chocolate overload wan, keke. Oh yeah, with hazel meal and sprinkled toasted almonds on top. Salivating already, people? I think will still have some left when Aunt Janet comes. Thought of getting him a bag as well, but money really tight already. Mommy asked me to open HSBC savings a/c after she left. Now i think of it also no use. Open a/c for wat? No money to put inside. High interest rate also no use.

Watched a movie also. Came to Australia for so long, only went to the cinema 3 times, ha! Not sure what i have been doing too. Movie was Australian production called 'The Proposition'. And I thought I had already gotten used to the Aussie accent here. Piang eh, I didnt get anything that was said for the first 30mins into the show. The accent was so strong, I was cursing and swearing at them. Jun had to give me the details along the way. I think the people in front of us got sick of us by the end of the show. But after awhile I figured out where the storyline was leading us. It didnt help that there were no cute, young actors. Only slightly more famous one was Guy Pearce, which I had no idea of as well. Oh well, was his birthday, so let him choose the movie lorr. Anyway, i get traumatized by shows easily, regardless of whether its real or not (apparently the movie was based on a real-life Australian). All i can say is, if i wanted to get traumatized by a movie, I wished it could have been a better one, with faster storyline (dunno y, even Australian productions the way in which the story unfolds also very slow) and cuter actors.

First paper on the 18th Nov. Haven started yet cos busy making presents and entertaining friends (i've ample social life here, maybe too much..damn, the downside of staying in the city.. *smirk*) and birthday party after birthday party. I don't get why there are so many babies born on Oct, man. My only theory is that its around 9 months after Valentine Day. And you know lah, V-day that time..everyone gets into that romantic mood and its easier to build up the mood and environment to jump straight into bed.. And so, 9 months later, alot of babies come out during end Oct, early Nov period! I know, that was crap. But kinda make sense what.

Suppose to start revision today. Dun even have the luxury to shake legs and take things slowly man. I got a whole sem of readings to catch up on and 3 weeks of audio lectures, tutes and readings to do. Uni Melbourne kills students wan. Needless to say, I never listen to myself. Today went to look at the office floorplan and layout of friend's new business venture. I am like a free business consultant lidat, must start charging money already.

Oh yeah, daylight savings started already. So now the time difference from here to Perth/ Singapore/ Malaysia is now 3 hours instead of 2. 2 hours was pretty bad already, now with 3 hours, knowing mommy, she will probably call me after her dinner, when i am already asleep. If i have told her once, i have told her 100 times. She will never remember wan. Talking about mommy, I need to call her again. Think its lonely at home since I am gone, and sis is in Singapore most of the time. Only left my brother, who is prone to throw tantrums during stressful periods, and should be avoided at all costs. So they are probably lonely. My mommy needs somebody to nag to. Who else better than me? My sister would just hang up on her, and whatsmore calls to Australia is just 10 sen a min. I call her somemore, she no need to pay!!

My English is so atrocious.

Am officially starting to revise now. After i call my mom. Damn..after the call, I probably can only start after 6.30pm. Think this would be the entry of the month. As usual, this will most likely happen.

Haiz

2005-10-19T22:15:00.000+08:00

I was working on a meme...gonna post it..but seeing both my reports not started on yet and both due on Fri 5 pm (tis Fri horr)...i think wait til next week la horr den complete n post it...

No, not giving anymore reasons for this hiatus...I bloody slp at 8 am most days, working throughout the night to single-handedly come up with decent group reports...where got time to blog. Although i feel like blogging at times, esp after being hurt or feeling hurt n wanna blog it out, but always think of the tonnage of stuff I need to do...always change my mind in the end..

Yeah, am sick of crying and being hurt..Nowadays its been too frequent n regular that its becoming a freaking issue..I gotta stop n get a grip of myself...Need direction, control in my life so i can think for myself and live for myself.

On the lighter side, we got eye toy!!Haha!! Its a PS2 accessory whereby u attach the camera thingy on top of the TV set n instead of using the game control, ur hands n legs can control n play the game. So fun...Got many games can play..mostly is bo liao and super childish wan. See frens playing can laugh like hell, especially when they look like they fighting by themselves. I got 2 games.. One is more to do with fitness, developed by Nike..The other is a pure- game game. Pity is that its installed in J's place (only hse to have PS2 mah plus my apt got no TV) so at most can only play once a week :( Shit..the hoola hoop oso there (apt is bloody small la..got no space to play hoop)..Bloody hell at this rate might as well move to J's place, seeing that my entire entertainment is in that area. Plus got cable, hehehe...

Shit..knew that I would end up spending lotsa time on bloggin once i start.. Bo pian la, too much to say mah..until dunno where to start n cant be bothered to say everything somemore.. All i noe is this time die liao la..never had tis kind of situation whereby Fri got report due, Mon still watching Naruto and doing research..kns..This sem i almost every assignment either heng heng complete just in time; or handed up half hour late...All rush jobs. Wanna be fucking disappointed in myself oso got no time..Later after everything over den scold myself.

Meme coming up soon...after assignments over...This half-past entry will have to do for now. Ciao

Steffi has resurfaced

2005-08-26T16:40:00.000+08:00

Aiyoh..I know i know...Its been so long. I aint even gonna provide a pathetic excuse tis time round.

FINALLY got a place to stay, bought all required furniture, fixed up a bed n study table from scratch, my land line connected, got all da toxic n sickness out of my system, and got internet access. Its dial up though, which explains why i dun like to go online much nowadays, seeing it's so darn slow. I miss cable speed n unlimited downloads.

I love Melbourne, but at the same time resent being here. Cos i came over alone, tis time without even Chai. First few weeks was hellish.

But i will explain more later cos Jun is hurrying me to go check out sth. Tis guy has such a huge social life its not funny. I've been here for 5 weeks and every week there is alwiz a birthday party, celebration or gathering. But at least i am meeting ppl...Just that woe to me if its in a club (which is most of da time) cos clubs here suck, especially when it is Asian nights and the whole place is so packed there is no room to turn (no exaggeration tis time), let alone actually attempt to dance.

Gotta go. Will continue later. Think of tis as an appetizer, haha.

its over

2005-06-23T16:04:00.000+08:00

Finaaally i manage to crawl out of my 4 papers..looking none the worse for it but i am glad i still breathing, though barely...

Though i will prolly wish i had died few wks later when the results get out..In summary,
(Note: Summary cos though i am mean n grumpy AND an old anal-retentive hag, i haf no wish to put so many ppl through much pain n suffering of my constant whining. I gather both Mommy n Chai can suffer alone :P)

******** change of personality *************

Okaay people, tis is ur luurrvaaahly Missus Predict-able-and-So-good-at-It for ur once-in-a-lifetime
(hell it better be once in a lifetime *mutter mutter*)

erm where was I? Oh yyyesss...Our once-in-a-lifetime crrystaaal-bball gazing, looking into da future...yes mah daaarlingss..We loook, loook...lets gaaaze into da future together...

Take mah hand, sweet child...Lets look and predict da world's next major happening...

Steffi's Exam Results!!!

What you mean Steffi's results no important? It ish important...you poor dim-sighted-and-therefore-are-a-deprived-tormented-lot children..You wanna know why?

Cos she needs a distinction-average for this semester before uppity high-above-da-rest Uni Melb would consider giving lil dumb her an offer, thats why!

(What da hhell...does my 3.91 GPA speak nth about mah braains for chrissakes??!! U blardy screwy slow-like-turtle-administration-but-got-great-facilities uni..Dun forget I was da one who rejected YOU and YOUR measly discount-but-say-its-scholarship offer in da first place... Hmmph!!

Ok ok...i am sorry...Its all MY fault, i shouldnt have rejected you wunderful mmarvellous ppl over in UMB in da first place..My baad my baad...Now would you please pppleeeassse pppuhleeeeze take me back, and stop turning ur noses down at lil ole me??? *sobsob*)

Sorry mah swweeeet children, Steffi couldnt control herself and interrupted our lil adventure wif da crystal ball..Lets get back to see how we will know if Steffi is alive or dead by Jul 11, when results are out..As i was saying, what does da crystal journey tells us? How has da past 4 papers been for her?

That.....:

1) She may not need to repeat her International Finance unit afterall (hopefully)..She just may pass!! If her scores gets scaled up like 10 marks that is....

2) Her AWE paper was hell tough, her lecturer should thank her lucky stars her face looks so sweet and abit like Steffi's mom or else Steffi would have strangled her, so piss is she... But overall will pass, but hopes of a distinction is low indeed.

3) FAB paper was predictable but cos Steffi din even study properly those spotted areas, she prolly screwed up her last essay qn (no time to finish lah)

And now...da last paper...International Commercial Law which just ended today at 1115... what do WWWEEEE see in it, mah ppprrecioussses?

-----------------silence------------------------------

Oh, oh, oh!!! OooohhhaAAhhhhhUrrrGGhhhh....OooohhhOuuccch!!!!

*Ccrraaaaccked!!* *pphhhrrooooaaaahhh!!!*

(Chrystal ball ccraaacked, combusted and burst into flames!!)

Oh mah goodness!! Did you pprecioussses children see tthat?? It burst, it burst!! Mah pppprecious lifeline burst! Da only star-gazer i had? Oooh Steffi, you naughty naughty child!! Ur life is such a jinx oso can't do that to me!! U just destroyed mah ricebowl!

...........................................................................................................................

Yes, it was thaat bad...and yeah, i am sick of having split personalities inside me..I am already crazy enough i reckon...

nOw excuse me while i go collapse on my bed....

Rant, Rave and In u go again

2005-06-14T10:50:00.000+08:00

Its amazing how i had initially planned 4 days to revise my law unit on 23rd but til now i haven't touched it (2 days gone already)...Chai says i am crazy to 1)blog, 2) write a poem and spend so long on it somemore...

Dunno dunno..i dunno...But i find that the longer i spend in Aussie, away frm discriminating Msia (nt tat i care) and suffocating Spore (ssigh we all will alwiz haf sth to complain abt everything), the more da present me now is sorta surreal, not there...Not me. I can't think of any of my characteristics now that is da Me when i was in NP already..Oh other than da fact tat i still like to portray myself as a ditzy bimbo to entertain chai..I have become more...ssigh 'hippie' is the only word i can think now...Yeah, hippie..No care factor...Da 'Make Love not War' slogan...

Digressing..i find i laugh more reading my past entries in tis blog..haaa..Kinda laughable but really, in times like tis...i really wonder how i could haf been so humorous n entertaining to others..Is tis really part of da real me..

Oh well i dunno...part of me dun care or cant be bothered...the rest of me says i got NO TIME to dwell on 'finding my real self'' when i still haf 3 papers left n all not revised yet...We Asians, so practical n logical..so realistic..So much so at times we force to fight / suppress our true selves deeper inside us. Everything else is more important, everything else will give us a better income/ job/ future/life/ husband etc...

Finding who we really are..taking time out to know ourselves better..it was never of priority, never of importance. A good future is all tat matters, doesnt matter if making urself get to it will truly make one happy anot..doesnt matter if at the end of da day u wonder..I want so many BMWs and houses for f**k?

All of me cries out for help..And wat do they say?

Go focus on studying lah..exams coming leh. Write poem for what when you haven study yet? Siao gal...you wanna die issit...still haven study. Whole weekend never study...

Guess what?I dun gif a f**k abt studying now. I dun care about which job is da most in demand or has da most potential in da future. I care more about what i really want in life, what my passions, goals n ideals are..and i truly believe that they are important, and should not be undermined just cos 'it doesnt make money wan' or 'got no future wan'.

I haf so much to say, so much to vent... but forget it. Societal n priority of family wishes demands that I get my ass back to studying law in a day. At the end of da day i noe da only thing i can do about tis messed-up feeling inside me is to rant awhile in my blog..Let the confused Steffi out for awhile just for temporary relief..And in you go again...Pushing her deeper n deeper inside herself. Best she dun come out so soon, cos she is only a hindrance to watever fancy car or job or house she can achieve later on in life.

I can never fight this screwed up, complex & intricated system embedded inside us Asians.

My first poem

2005-06-14T02:35:00.000+08:00

There aint no title for it...cos i cant think of an appropriate one...But it's my first so applaud the effort n dun give me shit about watever poetry guidelines i have apparently infringed upon...

With wild abandonment she runs
With no direction she runs
She stumbles she falls
She picks herself up she carries on.

She looks around her but all she sees
Insecurity Fear Uncertainty Self-loathing
Demons of her past
Surrounding her Jeering her.

Falling
She is falling
Into the murky bottomless pit
It's Sucking her in

She looks for help
Alas a light!
Near yet far
Tangible yet surreal.

A helping hand she sensed
"U can count on me.
Seek me out
I'll pull you up"

Slowly she reaches
With all her might she tries.
Fingertips touch
Bham!
She's swamped

Insecurity Doubt Uncertainty Fear
Whooping madly they come after her.
Cutting her breath Filling her insides
Invading her soul Ruining her mind.

Whispers she hears
"U are not worth it
He will never love you
Not the Real You."
Whispers she hears.

She grits her teeth
And says to all
"To hell be gone
And bother me not!"

She takes the risk
She bares her soul
She looks again
That light is gone!

Triumphant Laughter
And Joyous shrieks
With glee they sweep
And suck her in.

A broken heart
And bitter tears
An anguish soul
Are what's left of her

Her last cries
Are all that is heard
As she gets sucked
Into the pool
Of dark murky waters

Permission to take leave submitted

2005-06-01T23:57:00.000+08:00

Haven had the 'feel' to blog lately..just can't be stuffed..Not tat i am in a very gd mood rite now..Suddenly felt abit depressed, morose, sad, hurt ... etc. Whatever. Dun ask me why, i am already asking tat qn myself..

Anyway...main point of tis short entry is to inform all readers to pls take a hiatus or go re-read some of my entries (if u r tat desperate n can be tat bothered) from now til end of June...Gotta cram for my finals starting tml til 23rd June. Hell, i am so desperate to pass (esp intl finance n law) tat i will be locking my labby in my cupboard right after i go offline tonight. My method of 'see no evil, do no evil' but now it becomes 'see no distraction, do not get distracted'...Hey, it rhymes!

So...if u see me online..DUN Disturb me unless i come n disturb u..If i come n disturb u...Ask me 'Why the hell i aint studying, u idiot? Do u wanna fail bloody IF again??!' Damn the IF tutor of ALL weeks she gonna be unavailable, she chooses to fly to the States during study wk when we need her the most...Hope n pray i can pass without any help or clarification frm 'experts'..

Sssigh..so not a gd start...but hell, if tis the only way to hols, travelling, fun, entertainment n regain of long-lost laughter...Then bring them on man!!

Just dun come until i call u ok?Stay there until i am prepared...n if i am not, at least i tried...

I so hope tat i dun get distracted frm tml til 23rd...Based on past experience, i am very doubtful...Need loads of concentration (which i dun haf), determination (dunhaf oso), brains (currently lacking en masse), 8-hour attention span (dunhaf dunhaf!) , yummy n gd fruits (nt related, i know..bt damn do i miss my papayas, durians, mangoes, bananas, peach, plums etc)..

Piang eh...everything oso dunhaf....Nvm *grits teeth*, i will SURVIVE..To everyone who is mugging or gonna mug too...hang on in there n take care during tis period...I dun believe i can't get out of UWA alive (most likely broke, but still alive!)...hahahaha!

my English got so good meh?

2005-05-23T20:06:00.000+08:00

Another bo liao test...Saw this on chai's blog..got intrigued, which i shldnt have had anyway...Luckily it wasnt as time-consuming as yesterday's blardy 165-questions one..Result is as posted:

Advanced
You scored 92% Beginner, 100% Intermediate, 100% Advanced, and 73% Expert!

You have an extremely good understanding of beginner, intermediate, and advanced level commonly confused English words, getting at least 75% of each of these three levels' questions correct. This is an exceptional score. Remember, these are commonly confused English words, which means most people don't use them properly. You got an extremely respectable score.

Thank you so much for taking my test. I hope you enjoyed it!

For the complete Answer Key, visit my blog: http://shortredhead78.blogspot.com/.

My test tracked 4 variables How you compared to other people your age and gender:

You scored higher than 35% on Beginner

You scored higher than 63% on Intermediate

You scored higher than 85% on Advanced

You scored higher than 56% on Expert

Link: The Commonly Confused Words Test written by shortredhead78 on Ok Cupid

First day of my Improved Lifestyle (i refuse to call it a diet ok? Reeks of desperation and utter lack of self-ctrl...tat derogatory term)..Still surviving. After all, i haf had ard 6 yrs of experience since my 1st diet..So those betting i will wither away fast, prepare to lose ur bets horr, keke..

Got a small (think really small) parcel today..Inside got a handsfree set, but got no card or letter or anything..Worse thing was tat the handsfree model is not compatible wif my hp, keke. Wanna laugh but its abit bad horr..seeing it was a gift and all...

Shitty list

2005-05-22T22:03:00.000+08:00

I tried to be as truthful as i could have been...so if anyone reading tis is shocked or anything...sorry la..i was never an angel to begin with..Oh yeah..NO QUESTIONS. No comments. i Aint entertaining any qns or interview...No..Not for a million dollars..Not even if you feature me on the cover of Rolling Stones.

Here they come at one shot...

Underlined= TOTALLY UNTRUE
Bolded= TOTALLY TRUE
Left alone= Not true. But not untrue.

001. I miss somebody right now.
002. I watch more tv than I used to.
003.I love olives
004 I love sleeping.
005. I own lots of books.
006. I wear glasses or contact lenses
007. I love to play video games.
008. I’ve tried marijuana.
009. I’ve watched porn movies. (since 16)
010. I have been in a threesome (only if it's 2 guys to a gal)
011 I have been the psycho-ex in a past relationship.
012. I believe honesty is the best policy.
013. I have acne free skin
015. I curse frequently.
016. I have changed a lot mentally over the last year.
017. I have a hobby
018. I’ve been told I have a nice butt.
019. I carry my knife/razor everywhere with me.
020. I’ve never broken anyone else's bones.
021. I believe in a religion
022. I have a secret that I am ashamed to reveal.
023. I love rain.
024. I’m paranoid at times.
025. I would get plastic surgery if it were 100% safe, free of cost, and scar-free
026. I need money right now. (i dunno of anyone who doesnt nd more $$)
027. I love sushi.
028. I talk really, really fast sometimes.
029. I have fresh breath in the morning.
030. I have long hair.
032. I have at least one brother and/or sister
033. I was born in a country outside of the U.S.
034. I shave my legs.
035. I have a twin.
037. I couldnt survive without Caller I.D.
038. I like the way that I look. i am too critical of myself)
039. I have lied to a good friend in the past 6 months
041. I am usually pessimistic.
042. I have mood swings. (do birds fly?)
043. I think prostitution should be legalised.
044. I think Britney Spears is pretty.
045. I have cheated on a significant other.
046. I have a hidden talent.
047. I'm always hyper no matter how much sugar I have.
048. I think that Im popular.
050. I have kissed someone of the same sex.
051. I enjoy talking on the phone.
052. I practically live in sweatpants or PJ pants. (during winter)
053. I love to shop.
054. I would rather shop than eat (no more now)
055. I would classify myself as ghetto.
057. Im obsessed with my blog!
058. I dont hate anyone, I dislike them.
059. Im a pretty good dancer. (i wish man)
060. I don'tt think Mike Tyson raped Desiree Washington
061. I am completely embarrassed to be seen with my mother
062. I have a mobile phone.
063. I watch MTV on a daily basis
065. I have passed out drunk in the past 6 months.
067. I have never been in a real relationship before.
068. Ive rejected someone before.
069. I currently have a crush on someone (only on Raven's boobies)
070. I have no idea what I want to do for the rest of my life.
071. I want to have children in the future
072. I have changed a diaper before.
073. Ive had the cops called on me before. (custom officers)
074. I bite my nails.
077. I have a lot to learn.
078. I have dated someone at least 10 years older or younger.
080. I am shy around the opposite sex
081. Im online 24/7, even as an away message.
083. I have tried alcohol before.
084. I have made a move on a friends significant other in the past.
086. I have avoided assignments to be on my blog. (wat u tink i am doing nw?)
087. When I was a kid I played "the birds and the bees" with a neighbor or chum.
088. I enjoy country music.
089. I am a Uni student
090. I think that Pizza Hut has the best pizza.
091. I watch soap operas whenever I can.
092. I'm obsessive, anal retentive, and often a perfectionist.
094. I love Michael Jackson, scandals and all.
096. Halloween is awesome because you get free candy.
098. I have dated a close friends ex.
099. I'm happy as of this moment.
100. I have gone scuba diving. (i'm a shitless chicken)
101. Had a crush on somebody you have never met.
102. Ive kissed someone I knew I shouldnt.
103. I play a musical instrument.
104. I strongly dislike math.
105. Im procrastinating on something right now.
106. I own and use a library card.
107. I fall in "lust" more than in "love:
109. I think The Lord of the Rings is one of the greatest things ever.
111. I am resentful that I have to grow up.
112. I am an entirely different person around different people.
113. I think the world would be a better place if people just smiled more often. (World Peace)
114. I think ramen is the best kind of food in the whole world
115. I am suffering of a broken heart.
116. I am a nerd. and proud of it!! (i rather hang myself)
117. No matter where I am or who I'm with, I always seem to be lonely.
119. I dont change who I am for someone else. (depends)
122. I enjoy smoothies.
123. I have gastritis. (surprisingly..no)
124. I have nothing better to do with my time. (no..just cant be bothered doing it tats all)
128. Pi confuses me.
130. I own over 200 CDs.
131. I work 7 days a week.
132. I dont have the ability to make decisions without changing my mind.
133. People tell me I have a horrible sense of humor
137. I am the most overanalytical person I know.
138. I believe in wasting time.
139. I dont listen to much music.
140. I have a shoe fetish.
141. My favorite holiday isnt Christmas.
143. I love sex (i aint a dickhead)
144. I wanna go home
145. I dont know what I would do without my friends.
147. Friends is my favorite TV show.
148. I can touch my nose with my tongue. (wld i earn lotsa $ if i cld do tat?)
150. I need a new piercing or tattoo
151. Been embarrassed by the number of people you've slept with. (not all the time)
152. I still use the phrase "When I grow up"
153. I have a need to use phrases and words from the 80s to "relive my youth
158. I want to get my drivers licence soon
159. My passion is art
160. 160 questions was a waste of my time. (Absolutely)
162. I have no intentions of seeing past 2005
165. I cant wait to move out of home (Cant wait to move back in actually)

Was copying n pasting half way when i found out tis takes a damn lot of my time man...Anyway, deleted some of the really bo liao n cannot understd questions..Dun worry...u all still get juicy details. N remember...I AINT answering any aftermath qns ok...

Oh gdness its past 10!

Updated: 15/1/06, and yes....under the pretext of doing another assignment due tml

i am getting so sick

2005-05-22T21:00:00.000+08:00

Not that i am physically..i just sick of listening to my jay chou songs over n over again haha...been pretty lucky seeing tat i been here for so long n have seen so many ppl fallen sick left, right, centre, in front, behind, and all ard me..and amazingly enuf, i am still as fit as a fiddle..

Oh, i dun guarantee the state of my mind rite now..as in how healthy my mind is and if i am really going crazy soon..tis just applicable to my physical body.. Anyway, i so shldnt be blogging, seeing that i have not done ANYTHING at all for this whole day plus FAB essay due on fri (like i can be bothered)..but tats the thing..apparently, i can no longer make myself be bothered anymore abt anything. Its scary.

Snippet of conversation tat i had wif Rene, although its only just me talking in tis snippet..:
finished LAW at 7.30am..FatAss damn tired says:
i so shld be doing my stuff but i just wanna noe hw bad or sinful i am (note: tis regarding a list tat i ask her to send over...tat she posted on her blog)

finished LAW at 7.30am..FatAss damn tired says:
which is sth i shld be ashamed of actually cos we supposed to be all good n stuff

finished LAW at 7.30am..FatAss damn tired says:
but dunno y...i tink i rched a plateau in my christian walk

finished LAW at 7.30am..FatAss damn tired says:
i gotta do something abt it bt for the life of me i cant seem to get out of my lazy rut n get my fat ass to do sth

finished LAW at 7.30am..FatAss damn tired says:
not tat i purposely do drugs or drink like hell or anything

finished LAW at 7.30am..FatAss damn tired says:
i guess the right word wld be i am impassive or sth abt EVERYTHING rite nw.

Its like i cant be bothered wif everything in my life rite now. Not only my r/s wif God..my beliefs r still the same n i can still std up n say tat i do believe in God. Bt there is tis undescribable bo-chupness in me at the moment. U know the feeling when u have ur period? And you get all lethargic n stuff during the day when u normally wouldnt? Yeah, its tat kinda feeling..just tat its emotionally.

Nothing motivates me anymore. I find i got nth to work myself towards any longer. Clara n all get themselves moving on thru just thinking of going hm..but i dun even haf tat to look to cos mommy asks me to stay n do domestic touring. I not complaining..i dun mind..Bt for once even the idea of playing has lost its appeals. Of cos i still want my hols, who the hell wanna study? But there is no longer any passion or sth exciting or watever that i can use to propel myself towards my life.

I think i am just tired. Ok..on the lighter side of me...i am going for yet another diet. Dun u go telling me tat i diet all the time..those aint dieting, those were healthy eating habits!! Nw its a true-blue full-blown, all-out diet. Nt saying tat i not eating..but tat i am actually trying to be serious abt tis, haha. Gawd, i cant believe i am tat narcissist n superficial...i spend half my time worrying abt whether my butt looks big in tis anot....and the other half complaining that my butt is big and fat, haaha!

Tis the shortest time i took to blogging an entry.. I aim to get started on my IF tute by 9pm man...wish me luck...

Dear God,
i am sorry if tis child of yours has been letting you down recently, seeing that she lets u down most of the time anyway..God, if i were You, i would haf said 'bah!' and given up on tis rebel child a long long time ago..But she is hoping tat you be patient, just a wee bit patient more while she still struggles to find her passion in life and continue walking with You.

She knows that right now the walk has been pretty much at a standstill at the moment, and she is horribly ashamed of herself as every wk she gets tis nagging reminder tat nothing has improved in her life with You. Meanwhile, it would help alot if you could aid her abit in getting the Devil off her freaking back so that she can breathe for awhile and hopefully get back in track to finding herself.

She wouldnt dare ask you to do all the saikang urself, but pretty please?? Help her by distracting him abit? Go command him to fly kite or something or bully someone else more important or deserving of temptation..Erm, like the new Pope or Osama's kakis (henchmen). Because at the end of the day, she is terrified she would lose You. She still hopes to make you proud..Really she does.

Aaaah...tat was so SO so good man....But its past 9....kaoz

A Reminder

2005-05-18T13:05:00.000+08:00

Tis entry is just to remind myself exactly what items i need to replenish for CH when i next go grocery shopping or have money to actually think of someone else beside me, mi and mua...

1) 2 200g M&Ms bags
2) baG OF potato chips
3) Uncle Toby's fruit pillows
4) Box of CHips AHoy (if can be found in Perth)
5) Arnott's biscuits
6) Sweets

All consumed in less than 6 trips to her hostel room..HALF at least consumed just today alone. I polished off a 200g bag of M&Ms, tub of chips, countless of fruit pillows n biscuits.. Incredible! My sugar level is so high i got problem concentrating on the screen at the moment. So damn hyper i am literally bouncing off the walls. Boiiing!! BBoiiinng!! Booiiinng!! Boiiing! Boiiing!!!!!

Damnit, i SWEAR tis gal purposely stocks up her junk supplies to entice me over..I haf been hooked and snared like an innocent rabbit, ha!! Oh well, there goes my diet for the week. Will make it up tml or sth..as alwiz...wat else is new? Nth. The world doesnt stop but man never learns from their own bloody mistakes anyway, haaa...

Oh yeah, another reminder..Everyone pls sms me tml to remind me to do the following:
1) Get my fat ass started on renewing my yoga passion tml morning
2) Swear off any chocolate-related stuff for the rest of the wk...hell,make it 2 wks man
(bubbai...nutella...sobsob..I am so gonna need n crave u)
3) Finish by hook or by crook the law assignment due Fri at 12...sssigh.

I greatly appreciate everyone's help...hee. N by doing me tis wee lil favor, i wld noe hw many goody frens i haf, hehe...HInt,hint,blatant hint...

Brought my labby all da way to uni so i can start on my law assignment in ch's rm..i like her rm..mainly cos of the snacks..but oso cos i cant really sprawl myself all over the floor doing my wrk in the library, haha...I so cannot imagine the librarians' faces if i ever do tat man..I haf da weirdest favorite position when it comes to doing my wrk, i reckon..

I lay my yoga mat on the floor (its most useful purpose ever since i been here,,ssigh), spread all my lecture notes, tutorial qns, writing paper and textbooks out on da floor..Get int0 child pose (No, idiots! U cant look up child pose under '360 Kamasutra sexual positions'..it aint there!! Its a kneeling position in yoga...duh!), place hairbear (Chrystal's new name for it, and so the Princess has already commanded) in front of me as a cushion and hug and lie on it while I do my tutorials..Wif my tummy resting on hairbear and my butt sticking up in the air, haha!

I know the last part sounded so wrg but there aint any better way to explain it la. ANd yes, i dun like to sit when it comes to doing wrk cos i alwiz fall asleep midway. If i had my way, i wun be sitting all the time..I like to std n walk ard, esp when sugar levels r high..Tats why ch's limited room space is a constraint at the moment..cos there is only so much room i get to bounce ard wif, hehe. Tat postion is so weird yet oddly comfortable tat i am able to do my wrk without falling asleep.

I tend to fall asleep all the time lately..its like i am a bear/pig going into hibernation mode when winter is approaching..Must be da bloody weather. Just found out last nite frm J tat I gotta wait 4 freAKIng weeks for UMB to send their offer letter for next semester...These Aussies ah...once come to winter all so bloody slow...I am paying so much more money in tuition fees, gotta battle thru changes in my visa wif the immigration somemore, still gotta make things so difficult for me..

SO may not get to go to Melb on 29th June anymore..damn. Tickets already book le..may haf to change dates..She is so not gonna be happy abt tis..nvm will discuss wif Ch..Tat gal went dwnstairs to haf her lunch just after her nap...PIG. Not fair..She got the pig habits but i am da one tat looks like a pig. sO NOT FAIR. Hmmph.

Note: Photos still not up yet cos of bloody sync cable prob...I dunno wat i can do abt it so dun whine...dun tink u all seriously wanna look at all my bdae presents tis yr anyway..So the list of Honorable Mentions 2005 will come in once I have the time..which is not gonna come until after 4-6 wks lidat...

Exams coming la!! Shit shit shit...Relax..must relax *take deep breathe in... deep breathe out.. Relax facial muscles, wait got wrinkles how? KNS!! Fine lines coming out liao lah..RELAX!!!...Dun panic dun panic.*

Last one...

2005-05-14T15:13:00.000+08:00

Seeing exams are near..i will be trying to swear off blogging like tis (i.e. not blog for a wk..den at one shot put up 3 posts like today)..So enjoy wat i can offer u all while u can...or while i next disappear.

I am a narcissist, tat fact is established. I remember saying tat in my prev 2 posts today. So lemme present to u my bdae present and new buddy who is better than:

1) a boyfriend (i can hug him whole nite n he won't grunt and roll over the other side, or complain the next morn tat his arms are aching like hell)
2) a vibrator (alot wld beg to differ, bt i dun gif a shit. And yes our r/s is very innocent n u shalt not go corrupting my poor bearbear's mind with suggestions.)
3) chocolate/ice cream/cake (if i can have both, i would be in 7th heaven)

MBF

MBF & I

No, he aint big. He ish humongous! Didnt noe he was considered big-sized until everyone kept exclaiming abt it. Yes, he was mua bdae gift by very well-meaning frens whom i will nv forget and will continue to love them alot, haha. Thank you, thank you!! Xie xie ni men, ai si ni men le!! Terima Kasih!!

Oh yeah, did u all know that Chai is his GODMA?? Go tease her abt it, pretty please...ha!!During the hols or when i am going to her place to study for a couple of days, i will take him along cos he misses his Godma so much. Plus he makes a very gd bolster and pillow in one, and he keeps me warm (rd: extremely thick fur).

I have extolled enough of his virtues, and other well-meaning frens who have sent equally nice gifts, do not be mad..! I am in the process of taking pics of all the gifts and posting them up, hehe. Just tat my bloody sync cable cant be detected by my labby AGAIN (damnit, y alwiz lidat wan..always when i desperately nd it, it screws up). So u all just wait patiently until 2005 Steffi's list of Honorable Mentions come in, den u await your name to appear okie?

And Ch, i mentioned to my fren that I needed another one to put in ur room liao, so i can be entertained whenever i go over ur place. Basically, its not a problem and we will go shopping to buy one for ur room, haaa!! Await ur next 'companion' horr...

omg tis is unbelievable!!!

2005-05-14T15:05:00.000+08:00

Ok..disregard the prev entry part abt me saying i cant be bothered to post anything else except my narcissist obsession abt my weight..

Check tis website!!!
http://www.colorgenics.com/sps/

MOOD ANALYSIS TEST RESULTS

"You are longing for some love and affection at this time - not that you have been deprived of tender loving care - but there are times when everyone needs to try something new or to go 'somewhere' else to perhaps experience that little extra 'understanding'.

You don't really give in. You follow your beliefs and ideals to the bitter end. You are the personification of stubbornness and whatever may transpire, right or wrong, you refuse to compromise or make concessions.

At times all of us would like to be like the ostrich - to be able to bury our heads in the sand and let the rest of the world go by, but unfortunately you can't do just that - you have to face up to reality. A little peace and quiet would be most acceptable at this time but if only one could turn a blind eye to the problems of the day! Tomorrow is another day and who knows, it could be 'today' (not tomorrow) that could be the first day of the rest of your life!

You are pretending that the situation around you doesn't matter, but the effort of trying to conceal your emotions and anxieties is resulting in untold stress. The existing situation is disagreeable. You feel unwanted and lonely and you would really like to associate with someone whose ideals are as high as your own. You want to be above the standard of mediocrity and this need to be needed and that need to need has almost become an obsession. You are trying to magnify the need into a compelling urge. You would really like to tell the world how great you are but no, you are holding back because you feel that your peers may treat you with contempt.

This is a great pity because you have in fact a unique quality of character, but the continual restraint that you impose on yourself makes you suppress this need for others and you pretend you don't really care. You treat those who criticise you with contempt. However, to be honest, beneath this assumption of indifference you really long for the approval and esteem of others.

You are greatly impressed by individuality and have interest in people who have outstanding qualities. You try to imitate those people that you admire and their characteristics, hoping that you will be able to display similar qualities in your own personality. "

(those in bold rings especially true)

Ok...except for one small para, the rest were all so accurate it was freaky!!! I cant believe that 8 bo liao colors and their order of preferences can tell so much abt me..Nt only superficial levels of concern..but the deep deep down inside levels tat even i am nt willing to admit to.

Gawd. I am shocked.

Now back to my FAB tute...one's duties and responsibilites still gotta be carried out unfortunately.

something repeated to death

2005-05-14T14:48:00.000+08:00

I am eating so much, it aint funny...scares me to death.

Yes, i say tis 100 times a day..yES, most of ya know this phrase as my mantra... Yes, u all r really sick of hearing me say tat everyday..

But i am eating alot lar..n cant seem to stop or ctrl myself..And i get scared cos i used to haf alot of self ctrl...Wats wrong wif me man...getting f***ed up day by day. For e.g., for someone who strictly tries not to eat dinner, i consumed 3 bowls of ice cream with ice magic n choc wafers for dessert, and thats excluding the humongous dinner i had 90mins ago. Promptly fell asleep after that.

Change is too drastic...oh man i refuse to think abt it. I know one day i will wake up, look at how pig i have becomed, den do sth abt it. Meanwhile as tis revelation hasnt hit me...i tink i will just continue pigging out n enjoying my food before i once again hit the dieting road...

Hmm...come to think of it...tis deviation frm the usual diet habit is pretty welcomed...whatever..I am sorta trying to convince myself tis is nt as bad as i tink it is..So i wun freak out. So tat i can go get a tute or 2 done for next wk. So that i can hand in my law assignment on time next fri. (cos i haven started)

Anyway..since i am so obsessed wif my eating habits nw...i cant be bothered to post anything intellectual, not that i do post any of that sorta std, keke.

Departure

2005-05-12T18:14:00.000+08:00

Mom and sis came for 11/12 days and have just left on the 4pm flight back to Singapore...Been pretty hellish when they were ard, what with lack of slp and too much food and junk at fatal levels..and rushing homework and essays like my usual full-time procrastinator-self.

It was an exhausting 11 days but i loved it. Being able to laugh, giggle, mock-bully, letting them bully me, confide, weep ... etc to them. To hell with the late nights and early mornings that I have to make do with. But still i Would be rather relieved going back to my usual routine of eating lesser, exercising more (omg i cant believe its close to a MONTH that i haven't worked out), doing tutes on time and sleeping more. At least that was what I thought.

And den came tis afternoon, and suddenly u realize 12 days had passed, just like that *snap fingers*. And before you know it, I am standing near the departure gate, seeing them off. Earliest I get to seeing them next would be end of this year..if I am not working, tat is.

Was uncomfortably aware that somewhere near where we were standing, was an elderly couple and their daughter (i presume), wailing like mad as they knew they were about to be seperated. Our family aint like that. We share alot of our feelings and stuff but we r uncomfortable with our own tears around each other. Its like, hell, i am embarassed to even cry in front of anybody. At least I try not to.

So they entered the gates tear-free and I left the airport with no tears rolling down my cheeks. (Until today I don't understand why, to me, is shedding tears in front of someone embarassing. I am a gal, damnit! Not a member of the alpha male species, brimming full of pride and ego.)

I came back home, and for no reason in particular, devoured every single junk or edible-like food in the pantry-dining table-refrigerator until i felt sick. (I ate lunch just before we left) Especially whatever my mom last cooked. Den i washed the plates and went into my bedroom.

And I saw my floor, empty of all the luggages, souvenirs, shoes, clothes, shopping bags that made even getting out from the bed to the floor a feat on its own.

I saw my relatively tidy table, no longer overflowing with their makeup, tidbits, accessories.

I saw the head of my chair, which i cld never see when they were ard, primarily cos of the amt of dirty clothes they had draped on top of it while they were here.

I saw my bed, the bedsheets were recognisable and no longer covered with extra pillows and blankets.

I knew that tonight, there would be no fighting for the usage of my hp or labby, no pushing or shoving for extra space, or who gets my bearbear to sleep with..

I knew that from tonight, i won't have to sleep in the makeshift bed that is so cramped I can't turn without hitting the wall.

I knew that from tonight, there wouldnt be anybody who would wake me up just when i am about to sleep, or purposely wake me up even if i had only 3 hours of sleep, to talk/chat.

My room had become devoid of anything left that smelled or reminded me of them.

A wave of nausea hit me. I went into the toilet, and gagged out half of the food I had stuffed in before. Something I had not done for 4 years. It was only then did I start to cry.

They have left. This fact has only just begun to sink in. And I realize that I missed them more than I actually knew, or would admit to.

random

2005-04-23T13:37:00.000+08:00

Tis post is abt nth gd, nth bad, and only reason y i am blogging atm is cos i'm too full to bath..Just had lunch..Actually would rather have had lunch later..cos i was doing yoga halfway when I got 'summoned', keke..

Cos tis was impromptu, i really dunno wat to blah out..No feelings, no emotions, nth to rage/ cry/ scream/ laugh abt..Feel abit wooden..abit numb.. God i want my ability to scream n rage back...I rather cry and feel hurt than feel nth at all...

Talked to jovin just nw before she went for lunch...gosh i miss her so much..and js..and adrian...and ms khoo, koh, and my family..and yingying..and hopey..and hx..and..aiyah alot la..Tat lucky gal got a job working with beatrice chia!! Must pester her to intro me when they get chummy..haha. Dun worry, i will nt send the nation into spasms by acting in a theatre production...i dunhaf the talent, skills, looks or connections la...haha.

Bdae is up in less than a wk..Nt really looking fwd to it cos ppl whom i wanna celebrate it with the most wouldnt be ard..and to me, they r all i want. Really want..above presents, diamonds, calls/msgs, even a digital camera. Just want them to be wif me..To see them, touch them, hear them laugh, watch them laugh..Hold them..

God..this is not making me feel any better...Will have to stop at tis pt.

Quando Quando Quando

2005-04-21T02:25:00.000+08:00

Tis gonna be short, seeing that its approaching 2am. Only reason y i felt i shld blog at this obscene hr is cos i felt bad (hey ppl, i got conscience ok? Gimme some credit la.). Especially when i had wed and today off this wk cos my wed classes were cxl due to Prosh. Hehe...i am a lucky gal in some ways.

Labby has been running the whole day ever since i got up. Which makes it more than 12 hrs. I tink its gonna conk out on me soon if i continue to stretch it for long periods. Whole day spent researching on Toyota, and its SWOTs. Got over 50 pgs of research material. All for a 2 pg outline and 3 min presentation. Find that i tend to over-research on my projects..Oh well, at least i now noe more abt Toyota than i have ever known. Can write 10pg report on it somemore, keke.

Gonna be busy soon. Nt that previously was very slack or anything. Next wkend is gonna be hell man. My bdae on Fri, Mom coming with sis next Sun night (just when i am having my presentation the next morn, talk abt timing man), and a probable Jun flying in on Fri night...It will be a miracle if i ever get near my books. My head is in a whirlwind of activities. Know there is alot to do tis wk and the next...just that its so much i can't pinpoint anything exactly. Well, at least the presentation is out of the way.

Supposed to go with Elinna for her fren's bdae celebration in a ktv this Sat night. Think i am gonna back out. Need to do hmwrk is a pretty lame and pathetic excuse, i noe. But i would feel uncomfortable; and i dun really want Elinna to have to keep making sure i am alright and talk to me if nobody is talking to me. Cos i dunno anyone (only noe the bdae gal remotely) there, shld be awkward. Even the irresistable fact tt i will finally get to sing ktv isnt enough to make me develop a thick face and just bulldoze my way through, haha. I'd feel like i am crashing her pty cos she didnt really invite me.

Plus i can do with finishing my hmwrk beforehand for once. She been coughing badly past few days. Makes ppl worried, hearing her cough so violently. At times i am afraid she will cough until blood comes up...choy!..but hey, thats hw bad it is. Oh yeah, one more reason y i dun tink i wanna go to her fren's pty is cos i want Elinna to really enjoy herself with her old frens for once. Or hook up some cute guys, hehe. But thats just icing on the cake. I figure she will enjoy it more if she went alone.

She was mentioning how i seem to attract guys wherever i am. And i was lying there just thinking, 'How far off can that be?'. Not that i want guys to be all over me. Ewww...! Its just, right now i wanna noe more friends. Get to know more ppl and stuff. I dun gif a shit abt guys whom I dunno, but tell their friends they think i am cute. I still end up not making a friend wat, just some random person who likes me for my appearance and not someone I can talk to or develop a friendship with.

Besides, I don't even go out much, how can i attract guys? Only been to the river cruise and mambo as official events. Granted river cruise had some ppl hitting on me, but thats cos they were drunk! Anyway, i rather not have this kinda useless unwarranted attention. But other than that, i dun think there were anymore of those type of incidents. Heng ah....If i get teased so much abt tis kinda stuff, i reckon i will just cont staying at hm most of the time. Sounds pretty sad but i have never known how to get myself out of being picked up or 'tackled' by guys. Esp when they r drunk AND persistent.

Goodness, all of them were half my age...Ok, at least few years younger than me. Don't like...Ok, that is them..and on the other side there is him. Dunno who i am talking abt, better still. Feels weird blogging abt it cos there wasnt any mention of him at all. Anyway, he must be a really onz guy to even think of flying here just for the weekend to catch up with me, seeing its my bdae and stuff. Dun really noe whether i want him to come over. Come to think of it, its quite freaky. Where got person will come over just for the hell of it? A weekend trip on a whim can set one back ard aud700, not counting expenses here!

I not so eng lorr. Or rich. No comprehendo Australians here. Everytime any situation of some sort which i dun get happens, I will just tell myself..."Get used to it..nvm...it must be their culture. They r more eng/environmentally frenly/slack/on/open etc" . But really, this is taking the cake man. At first, thought it would be nice..Got someone to celebrate bdae wif, ya noe. Can even fly out to make sure ur bdae isnt spent alone etc. Den the more u think of it, the more freaky n awkward it gets.

Bbbrrrrrrr.....aiyah dunwanna think too much nw. Wait until wkend cos he said he was going to the travel agent to check the flights and prices out. If tix is less than aud600, then he will book them. If not, too bad. I spend it alone. Right now, with my current state of mind..70% of me is hoping that it would go beyond his budget so that he can't come over. Not that i am being mean, trying to save a friend frm spending unnecessarily what..And yes, i wanna deprive all my frens here a 'good show'. Him coming over would just make everything too complicated, weird and..messy la. Just feels funny...too much for me.

Mi Heart can't take tis kinda surprises, well-intentioned it may be. Sure, it would be nice to have someone do tis kinda thing for ur bdae (tis wld be the most extreme bdae gift i have ever had), and i would be very flattered. But as i said...it would all get too much for me, complicates matters n stuff. So logically, and with use of my brains, much as i would like to know him in person, i rather pass/wait til hols or sth.

And there we have it. Everything out. Well, almost. Looking at the more mundane side of me life, there is dim sum gathering on Fri...yay!! Not really focusing on the dim sum eating part...Just wanna get together wif everyone in Perth, esp Chai..Met her up for an hr on Tues, and it wasnt enough! Got alot to talk to her...even though we study in UWA tog, but ever since she switched majors, i nv saw her in sch...No fair. So kinda looking forward to Fri..NOw, if the tutes and lectures would just pass quickly, hehe...

Oh yeah...took loads of pics the other day in my rm cos i happened to get sunburnt. So here are 3. Only. Dun complain and count urselves lucky its not the full 100...

Kns dunno y alwiz get myself sunburnt here...even going to sch oso can get sunburnt. Anyway, i tot i looked pretty cute wif the red patches..not really visible...And yes, you can see some pimple marks there..But still, took that as an excuse to take pics, hehe.

Ok, last one....

Dun ask me y i alwiz in my pjs when i take pics...N yes, my hair is messy...but ppl, u all gotta stop this bad habit of finding stuff to nitpick on. Focus on the face, for chrissakes. When u have such a flawless face, who gives a shit abt the messy hair?

Muahahahaha..Gotta slp. Tml mom gonna call me to nag, most likely. Ciao!

Aaaaargh!!

2005-04-16T19:32:00.000+08:00

OMG!!!!

My brain is in a whirlwind!! I am so confused...thoughts are running all over and random at that...I literally gotta slap myself out of it in public! What the fuck is wrong with me man?? I hate it, i hate the way i feel now..I hate the way its making me or turning me into someone I am so not...I hate that its distracting me, driving me insane...

And I especially especially hate the fact that, even if i wanna talk about it or write it down...i can't . That's wat its doing to me that hurts the most. I can't articulate what it is, or how i feel at all!! It's fucking not helping in my speed recovery process..!! And we all know, Steffi not being able to articulate, is NO GOOD.

Incorrigible. I am incorrigible, inconsolable, laughable, in..whatever la! I am such a far-sighter, fucked-up, day-dreamer with incredible propensity to blow every small pc of scene, line, anything..into an explosion of massive proportions to its original self. Incredible.

Now how many times in the last few hours did i just say that word? I dunno.
This is driving me nuts. I feel deranged.

2005-04-16T17:33:00.000+08:00

Been a few days, hasn't it? Finally finished my international finance test on Fri.. Another 9 am test, wats wrg with this uni man? Anyway, no comment on the test. I refuse to talk about it. In denial. In shock. Enough!

Changed my blog title..Tis current one suits me more. Don't read too much into it. I aint struggling with the needy, complexing webs of life pulling me from all directions. Funnily, in a calm sense, i do know that something has changed within me. This feeling lying inside me, is still unawaken yet...I just go about my daily chores and responsibilities in its usual timetabled manner (yes, my life is indeed very structually and step-by-step mapped out, unless i get a blow).

But inside me, inside...I know (in a very subtle manner) that something abt me has changed. Not anything physical...just...can't figure or pinpoint it out yet. And seriously, even if i were to pinpoint it out, one day in the future..I aint sure if i will blog about it. I have come to recognise that not everything can be blogged about here.

Like someone once said, her private thoughts are for her physical, hard-covered diary. And that's that. We realise the Internet still has its hidden dangers. I risk too much on the line if i were to really pour out everything into my blog. Some things are just meant to be kept inside you, or with a securely locked diary.

Alot of thoughts going through me when I'm not busy using my brain. Not that its of much use, judging by the way I did my Finance test on Fri. But that's another problem to be dealt with later, and one of less emotional involvement, other than the fact that I regard my inability to comprehend the basics of International Finance a personal failure. Can't help it. I was trained to be a perfectionist.

Going back to the thoughts. Random ones. Most of events so far-fetched, its laughable. Only word to describe it. My mind really goes into overdrive mode when it comes to random thoughts or happenings. Which branches out into the other area of whether this is the reason why the brain isnt able to read more in-depthly into stuff i learn in school..Maybe cos its used up in useless areas like these.

Complicated. Confusing. Overwhelmed with all these random thoughts coming in. And i can't stop it. Try as i might. Was never really good with controlling my mind. Need to do my tutorial work. Confusing as all this may be on my mental state, the world still doesnt stop for me.

On the lighter side, its amazing how i can finish off more than 1/2 litre of yoghurt with tons of biscuits, in, like, less than 20 mins. Incredible.

A supposed-to-be intellectual post

2005-04-11T21:49:00.000+08:00

Wanted to blog badly yesterday but with luck and much restaint, I made the better choice to instead study for my AWE major test that took place today at 9am.

Yeah. 9 am. How much smarter can the school get? 9 am on a Monday morning is a disaster! What with lack of sleep (assuming if we study) and the peak traffic etc, its a miracle we can get there in time. Think today was the only time I was actually on-time for my AWE lectures.

Come to think of it, how remarkable is it that 30% of my grade for this unit depends on a 40-min, do-it-or-die-trying test. 40 minutes, and my future is sealed. No kidding. Mom said that if i ever fail one unit (which results in more money involved), she will deport me back or sth. So there goes my degree, and future. Omg, when has the posession of a degree constituted as my entire future?! The thought of how pathetic I have become is just so sad I refuse to dwell on it any further.

Not to mention that I spent more than 40 mins, at least, trying to comprehend what AWE was crapping about in order to take the test. A 40 minute test decides officially how much I know about the unit? This is getting depressing.

On lighter note, its over. Yay!! Finance test on Fri at 9 am (again!) but am so braindead (officially dead right after the test) and 'shagged' (Linna says i can't use this word, though i wonder why) from my workout. Can't be bothered studying for it til maybe Wed, when I start getting panicky and stuff. Stink like hell now but just can't get my butt to move to the bathroom. And the AWE tute!! I need to get that done by tonight!!

I am so conscientious i can cry.

Btw, if you have been faithfully reading and wondering when the hell will i get to the 'intellectual' part (read my title pls), or was the intellectual part all of my inane ramblings above (I so dumb meh?)..Rejoice as i am getting to the crucial point now..

Wanted to blog last night cos i saw a newspaper clipping that Elinna had, which was regarding John Howard (Aussie PM la, idiots!) and a friendship treaty. Had brilliant thoughts about the issue after reading it, which is rare as:
1) I don't usually think much about stuff I read randomly
2) With little opinion of my own abt almost everything (except on the gay right stand), anything that spews out of my brain is positively brilliant!

Anyway, like i said that was last night. However, since i had delayed publishing my thoughts right after I read the article..as usual, I have already forgotten most of my 'brilliant points' by the time I crawled back home.

Before all you jackasses start cursing and swearing at me, I would like you all to know that the first thing lao niang did when she got back home was to on the bloody labtop ok? I haven't even unpacked my haversack, showered or eaten! And its like, what, 9.30 pm, liao horr. Plus gotta do tutorial and the fact that i desperately need to sleep leh?

3 days X 4-5 hours each night, is like, 12-15 hours of sleep only. That is like equivalent to 1 night rest for me horr. In other words, be grateful that you all mean so much to me,.That even my foremost priority (eating) has been replaced by blogging. (This is not a good sign, man)

Anyway, before you all say 'bah' en masse and click the 'close' button; I will try to blog about the bloody article and stupid John Howard once I have the time. Give my all-important take on the article. Comments from normal, man-on-the-street, people like us, are the most important, ok?

Key word here is 'try'. You ppl must learn how to read between the lines, haha. Sorry, just an internal joke about Daniel and his sex-crazed Eng teacher a long time ago. Well, at least you all know my stand about that article right, keke.

Elections are a farce, i tell you. Sometimes you feel everything is just like a staged show for ppl to further dupe themselves that they have a say in anything, even though they have none. Oh, its not so bad here, I guess. I was thinking more in terms of Singapore, keke. Not saying anything abt Msia cos I don't even have the right to speak out at all in that country. My race is legally and socially discriminated there, remember?

Oh yah, i suddenly recalled something...I not Singaporean..Also dun haf right to say that..Damn!

But at least that was a well-known truth...and i might have to be a PR there later on when i start work. (I also hope not to la, but lao niang got bond there, remember?) Crap..i really need to get myself cleaned up..Any longer and my pores will start oozing out a brownish/greenish, foul-smelling odour.

Eeewh.

Long due shopping trip Report

2005-04-07T00:45:00.000+08:00

I'm proud of myself.

Successfully resisted the repeated urge to log on or blog for the past few days, ha! Been hell for past few days, not that anything bad happen..Just having difficulties with my AWE, finance and law (as usual) tutorials and lectures.. That's like 3 out of 4 units, man. Starting to freak out. Have absolutely no idea what the hell the AWE current topic is talking about.

Oh well, sth bad did happen last Sat..Had this huge row with him.
(Row = me screaming, him apologizing.)

I not apologizing for my appeared 'unreasonableness'. Most impt reason being: It was seriously totally his fault. And he knows that. But anyway, i can never get myself to stay angry at him for long, so all water over the bridge now..

I know..i made one big round but didnt get to anything, haha. I so like to tease and taunt you guys, keke.

Anyway, crux of tis post is to show off some stuff i purchased during my frequent shopping trips to Harbourtown last week. Some clothes there were dirt cheap, i tell ya...Its a hidden treasure in the midst of all the overpriced stuff one finds in the city. Those who know me, will know that i damn kiam siap wan lorr, in Perth at least, haha. So when i buy sth, its usually veri veri good ok...

To keep good my promise, i shalt try not to post pics of myself. Reckon i am already obsessed wif how i look in real life anyway, hehe...

Presenting highlights of my 1st shopping trip!!! :

Ok, not the full length of jeans cos my hp camera is pretty much useless. Anybody got a problem with that will just have to buy me a gd digital camera. *grins* Hmm..dun seem to hear any complaints now, do we?

Check out the sparkly jewel studs on the pockets! Tats wat i bought them for, though they weren't dirt cheap. (plus they made my ass big, come to think of it)
So diva-like, eh?

Ok, kinda dowdy looking, but winter's coming and for aud7, i reckon its a pretty gd bargain, plus it serves its purpose - keeps me warm. You all may also wanna know that Nadia* bought exactly the same top, ok?

Esprit handbag leh. Found that pretty nice and classy. Plus it was just the nice size for me to stuff all my barang in. And it was quite cheap. Bought another big tote stripey bag (got a fetish for them) too but too lazy to take a pic of it.

Ok, now we come to the really good stuff...

Tadah!!! Jin chio boh? I lurrrrve tis furry-collared cardi, though it cost me aud25 and i would probably melt if i wear this back in Singapore. Material looks thin but keeps you warm (now at least). And the furry collar makes anything i wear look classy. If i feel sexy enough, i can wear it by itself, though its a tad too low. Oooh...love it!!

Last but not least,

I know, its winter..I'm supposed to be getting thicker clothing; But i just couldnt resist! Not that this works powers in making me look booblicious or slimmer; but i like the look and feel of this top..And the price..Oooh!! It was too cheap for me to not get it. I'm happy just looking at it hang in my wardrobe even if I never wear it. Did I also mention that when worn with above fave cardi, its a kickass combination?

Ok, thats about it..In addition also got myself a Fila kids tee and weighing scales but they are considered insignificant purchases and therefore couldn't be bothered to post them up.

But i thought I would just post 1 or 2 pics of the new pairs of sunnies that i bought. Lost 3 sunglasses this year...alot of my stuff either breaks, or lost or stolen..damnit. Anyway...

Nice? No? Ok, i not supposed to be putting up pics of myself in accordance with my latest resolution. But it would be difficult to present the full glory of my latest sunnies if i didn't take a pic wearing them. If not, how would you know if they look good right? Also, technically it doesnt count cos u can't see my main features (ie eyes), ha!

Go ahead and argue with me..I learn LAW ok? Though i suck at it and its only 1 unit...haha.

Oh yeah, in light of the long-long-ago "too-sexy-for-my-blog" project by Spore bloggers, i tried to take a couple of shots of me sticking my tongue out provocatively. Alas!! Found that my tongue was shorter than the average length.Hmm, wonder if there is any liability in having a short tongue..

ANyway, for those who dare to look, here it is...

and...

Fine, fine, If i get too many complaints i will take them off..

Oh shit! Just remembered got my AWE test next mon @ 9am!! Shalt not even go into next Fri's finance test. What am I still doing here??!! Gotta run and sleep..ciao peeps!
(philosophy: when in panic, eat and/or sleep)

Those who wanna take a look at the 'sexyblogger' proj, its
http://www.flickr.com/photos/tags/sexyblogger/

* Nadia is next-door room mate of mine...family i am living with in Perth, remember?

UnBelievable

2005-04-02T20:50:00.000+08:00

Here's what I ate for dinner just now..Dinner took 2 hours and I have consumed:

- Countless biscuits with peanut butter & ice magic (for those clueless, pathetic ones, Ice magic is this yummy chocolate syrup u can pour over ice cream..but i use it on more stuff than just ice cream)

- Loads of honey-coated macadamia and cashew nuts

- red bean smoothie with grape jelly

- 2 bowls of fried rice with chilli sauce

- Huge peanut butter sandwich drenched with more ice magic (dun start, pls dun start...)

- 2 muesli bars

........

So..UnBelievable right? I am amazed at myself man..This appetite coming from a gal who doesnt, i repeat, doesn't eat dinner.

I am so gonna suffer for it tomorrow and Monday morning...damnit! Self- control, self control, Steffi!! I seriously need to start working out with renewed enthusiasm next Monday..

School Tour

2005-03-31T20:24:00.000+08:00

I have decided today to try to stop being such a narcissist from now on and concentrate on taking more pics of the world than of myself.

So my first deed to commemorate tis resolution is to present some pics of my uni (UWA) and show the world how clever my uni is in duping, err, sorry, i meant attracting, international students like me.

I sumpah the main reason y i came to tis place was cos the uni looked so pretty (which shows how stupid i actually am, but that's a topic for future discussion).

Tadah! Presenting loads of pictures of gross misrepresentation of a uni's actual state!!

This is the clock tower in UWA, one of the main reasons y i came to this school cos i felt it looked so pretty, giving me that old Victorian feeling..Still like the building although I have no idea what the heck the sch uses it for, seeing that its alwiz empty most of the time..Probably as a major selling point too i reckon, keke.

Tis is actually the 'pond' (found out it was manmade only after i got there, hmmph) below the clock tower..

This the duck swimming in the 'pond' day in day out without rest i reckon..Wonder if its automated or real... Couple the above 3 pics, N tats the prettiest sight i have seen so far in Perth..keke. Pity the prettiest sight has to be in my uni, eh...

Bloody carpark that we alwiz gotta fight with thousands of other cars with student parking permits every single morning..The system abit dodgy..Issue parking permits like nobody's business but got not much parking bays for students.

Arts building..Do not be fooled by the picturesque image it portrays..Inside the building the things looks like falling apart lidat, haha. Anyway, this where i go for my AWE (Asia World Economy) lectures..Clueless lecturer..we shalt not even go into that.

Ok, this one is the Geography & Geology Building..This where my *spew of expletives deem following sentences unreadable*..ahem!..International Commercial Law (Yes, that bloody law unit again) lectures are held.

Everybody all together with me...1...2...3..Curse and spit!Puuuuuuuui!!!

Oak Lawn..used to have lunch here with Elinna but its alwiz crowded so we shifted to...

Tadah!! Matilda Bay just across the road frm our school..Great view of the sea (so romantic), peaceful, and breezy..Its a secret treasure spot that we have managed to uncover..Or mabbi cos most students not as sad and pathetic as the 2 of us, who like to hide away to eat lunch by ourselves, cos we no friends...

Enough said. Me and my bloody mouth, keke...

Back to eating lunch (all-time favorite event in sch), usually we have picnic style lunches on the grass..Its actualli perfect, except for some minor irritating intruders like..

Black Swan

And Duckie and peacock..

And

Crow..

I dunno abt Crow eating or trying to peck at my food, but he is damn irritating in the sense he likes to crow and crow and crow all the time..Its either him or the seagull, i alwiz mix them up..But if he isnt the one making noises, den he is one of the birds going dangerously near me trying to get to my food.

Bad enough i gotta bring my own lunch to uni everyday, still dare to fight over my food with lao niang issit?

Sobsob, even the birds of this school bullies me...Waaaaah!!! If it weren't cos Perth ppl r so environmentally and animal friendly and conscious, lao niang would have given any birds that dare to make advances on my food a kkkick!

This is St Catherine..Hostel (used to be my 2nd hm in Perth) of CH, fren whom i came with but later on deserted me and left me to my own devices by switching majors. Never saw her again in campus after she did that drastic change which broke my heart..keke.

Intended to put up her pic (very nice one, cfrm alot of guys will pester me for her contact if put up) initially, but thought better of it (sorry guys!) cos all the above pics were taken by her, haha! Lao niang here is actually a tai-tai. Even taking pics oso got professsional photographer to take wan ok..i no need to lift a finger for anything, ha!!

Anyway, end of tour..mainly cos CH's pics ran out..will ask her to take somemore but den wats the point..the school is only tis big..Next time will be my room ok? Haha..

Gotta run do my finance tute..damnit..But must reply friend's email first..High on carbo now cos i ate alot of dinner. mAjor shopping spree yesterday and today..haha. Am so fat..I dun get how i can be feeling both high and happy AND sad and guilty at the same time.

Mull over it eh. Meanwhile i go make myself some peanut butter sandwich..

So Guilible

2005-03-30T14:35:00.001+08:00

Just read hope's blog..Sssigh..I think she & i are of the same kind..We nt used to leaving our homes,h keke..Of course she is in a more unfortunate position cos at least i still haf Aunt J and family and church friends (thank God thank God!!)..
Anyway, gal u cheer up ok? U sound bad..Its sorta like a cycle huh..After my bad day is ur bad day..

Tis week been much better than last..mainly cos there is no sch. No sch = no law tutes and lecture = No need to c that blardy lecturer and tutorial mates faces = No need to get confused and upset = HaPPier!! I take it next wk is gonna be shit as usual...ssigh. Must pull myself up..

pull...PuLL..PULL la fat ass, PULL!!!

Can't believe the depth of my laziness. Haf eaten lunch, taken bath, and still unwilling to get myself to wrk. Law not done, AWE not done (as expected, fell aslp once i started flipping the text in bed), bible study still haven touched up yet and its tonight!!

Instead i am blogging another entry despite the fact/s that:
1) It was less than 12 hrs since my last one
2) Nth notable has happened to me since my last entry

Anyway, as my entry title alwiz has cheem meaning, i shalt get to the pt..
Yes, everyone..The above paras were all full of crap and represented the 'mundane' category.

Guilible. I reckon i am. In a big scale big time kind. Trust ppl easily. Hmm, must change or else alwiz kena cheated. Was gonna log off when i saw Jack* come online. Now, Jack used to be a gd friend of mine but ard a yr ago went into some financial difficulties and so being a gd friend i lent him $$.

Yeah i noe. Another O$P$ situation. Reason y i am pissed is cos if u dunwanna return me my money, or if you can't. At least have the decency and manners to tell me so i dun nd to kp hounding you (not tat i did of cos. Hate going after ppl like loanshark.). Instead after i lend you money, u went MIA. Msg u, dun reply. If i ever see u on msn and start conversation, you dun reply and go offline somemore. Knn and we not even talking abt me contacting u cos i want my money back. Before i left for Australia i msged all my friends saying i was leaving and hoped to keep in contact with them.

Know wat that asshole reply back with?

"Who are you?"

Kns if that is how you treat friends who lent you money ungrudgingly when you were having troubles, i should have asked my uncle the tua tow 'finance manager' to go and collect on my behalf instead. Just that he doesnt go through the slow and lengthy process of warning letters and litigation method..he just hang pig head and spray dog/chicken blood/shit on ur door and lifts only.

Anyway before i even forget what i wanted to say, i msg him on msn once i saw him come online (yes, it was after 2 am).

all stretched & sore (me):
hey..the money loaned to u right...will i ever be able to get it back?

after awhile...

all stretched & sore:
sssigh....realli cant be bothered to stay up to wait for ur reply
all stretched & sore:
Look...i am nt gonna kick a big fuss if u dun ret the $$, cos i sorta expected that already after you went MIA
all stretched & sore
just at least have the decency to tell me that you will not be returning it can anot?
all stretched & sore
not in town currently too so i cant be bothered to raise a big hooha over tis amt. all stretched & sore
But at the very least get bk to me via email on whether the loan extended to u will be returned or not.

Just when i tot he wasnt gonna reply and i was starting to log off...

ASK (Jack the bastard):
Steff, I noe I owe u one
ASK
Last year is shiit to me

all stretched and sore:
hmm

ASK:
I really dun wan u to see me in that shit
ASK:
I'm trying to revived
ASK:
just need some time

Ok..so wat do u all think? Borrow money frm me, run away with it...deleted my number, log off whenever i c him on msn..say gonna pay back but after almost a year still haven't..With respect to all the facts above, i dun harbor any hope on getting my money bk.

Not gonna tell u all the actual sum of the loan (wait everyone wanna borrow $ frm me) but suffice to say, it isn't alot if you are a working adult..But quite alot if one is a student. I was a student den ok (still am) and even if it was $50 or sth, it was still money.

Just that if u can't or dunwanna return the loan, tell me. And when u do tell me, dont give me any pathetic bullshit on how last year was crap to you and that u dunwan me to c u in that state.

Hello?If i as ur fren can only c u when u r all well-dressed and not in shit state, what kind of friend am i? i wouldnt have lent u money if i were that kinda friend.

A simple "sorry i can't return your money now" would make me feel much better. So u think by adding in hw pathetic ur life was last yr, u justify ur actions? 80% of me can't even bring myself to believe u..and i am a guilible sort, remember?

Aaaah...forget it..Doesn't matter anyway. I tis kinda person deserve to be taught a lesson.. :p Gotta review my bible study lesson and hope that i can crap my way through the bible study later...ssigh.

Ppl whom i love and am concern about me (like dad, mom, adrian, chai, ying etc), dun start yelling at me again. Ur daughter/bestest fren/gf already know she is damn dumb and too trustful. Dun worry too. I got no $ to lend ppl here, haha. Dun be upset ok?

*Names changed to protect that bastard..knn oso dunno y i so nice somemore bt thats my nature. Anyway, i dunno anyone called Jack, and if anyone reading this is Jack, sorry i dunno u...Oh yeah, just in case i forget i actually have a friend called Jack, well...tats not u either.

shit!

2005-03-30T02:00:00.000+08:00

OMG....

WTF!!!!

Spent so long typing a long entry (as usual) and this blogger shit thing dies on me??!!! My entry all gone!!!

WTF man...knn knn knn!!!!!!! Bloody sickening blogger...kns...no matter hw many expletives i spew out oso cant make me feel better. WTF man...shit shit SHIT!

No mood to reiterate what i painfully put into words just now liao. This law unit realli is a curse..everytime i visualize or even haf a fleeting thought of it, i swear negative and horrible thoughts float into my mind, plus not to mention i get super suay.

Bloody international commercial law. I curse the day you were deemed an essential core unit for Asian Business major. Pui pui Pui!!!

Not my fault, Adrian...I wrote realli nice stuff abt the parcel u sent me that i finally received today and how sweet it was. U were alwiz saying how come i dun write gd stuff abt u and 1/4 of that entry was precisely wat u would have wanted to hear/see/read...Dun worry..not mushy or sickeningly sweet or anything.. So just for the record, i DID write an entry that apparently didnt get posted up...bloody idiotic Blogger..Hmmph!

Nevertheless, think my worrying for him and his family prevents me from being sleepy although its already 2am (spent 45 mins blogging an entry that disappeared, knn) Know he alwiz tell me not to worry and he can handle but the stuff he is facing by himself is really too much for anyone. He's trying to be strong so i wun worry but i still will to a certain degree. Cos i care mah. And any good or bad news will affect me too...

Anyway, i am too pissed now to cont. Really knackered out cos i did 90mins of yoga and stretching exercises. Supposed to do AWE and its tute but can't be bothered. Will just drag the text and lie dwn while flipping to induce me to slp. Tis tactic works every single time...knocked out within 5 mins, haha!

Knn..the more i tink abt it the more dulan i get man...Hmmph!

Lazy Sunday Afternoon

2005-03-27T20:30:00.000+08:00

Something is wrg with me..I can feel it in my bones..Its been more than 24 hrs and my supposed-to-be-brief flirt with rhythms & blues and jazz music is still not over yet.

So. Not. Me.

Right now listening to Elvis Costello's 'Really Big Nothing'. Which consists of very little singing..come to think of it, i didnt hear singing at all. If i am my normal self, one can see a stream of expletives fly out from my mouth as i change stations/playlist.

So far I have been listening to the Elvises (Costello & Presley), Armstrongs (Louie, Louis, Craig, and a certain female which i have forgotten), Ella Fitzgerald, Nat King Cole etc for 6 straight hours. Have not gone berserk yet, not bad. In fact, starting to like it.

The music is soothing, smooth vocals and background. One is reminded of a incredibly sensuous feline stretching her legs as the notes wrap themselves around you.

I know the graphical description is way too much and i am no longer talking sense. But i think this is the last straw to my friends n family. My parents n friends r seriously worried about me, haha. My guy bud choked on a chicken bone (i seriously dunno how that is achievable) when he was listened to a short trailer of my new 'tastes' in music.

There is tis certain peace and tranquility in me today. Not sure why, considering just a few days ago i been ranting and raving about the ills of Perth and balancing between the fine line of barely concealed temper and outburst of rage, in which its intensity holds everyone in terror. But deep inside I know that if another day like the one on Tuesday happens, then that's it.

My actions would be totally unpredictable, even to myself. Eww...dun wanna think abt it. My Zen-likeness is freaking me out enough.

Anyway, was chatting with a friend on msn and the topic of blogging came up.

Snippet of our conversation:

TummyAche... says:
there is sth abt tis blog craze thingy tt is hitting us here n in spore
TummyAche... says:
i kp getting msgs to check out a fren blog or sth lidat

Guy Friend X says: (duntink he'd appreciate being mentioned in my blog)
isit ??
Guy Friend X says:
hmm..i dun think any of my frens keep blogs

TummyAche... says:
even if they did
TummyAche... says:
they may not tell you
TummyAche... says:
if i kept a blog i wun tell ppl too

Guy Friend X says:
haha..the gossip huh. thought blogs were supposed to be for ppl to rd..

I realized at that moment how closed up i was abt my blog. Come to think of it, not many ppl know abt it. Good pals like Ying, Liting, Eric and the rest have no idea i had a blog. I think CH found out only went sth accidentally slipped out of my mouth, and after that she went "Got blog oso never tell me" or sth to tat effect.

Guard my blog with a certain amt of caution. Trying to balance the line between making a blog realli open to everyone ard u n being labelled as a bitch (cos u bound to bitch abt sth what) OR keep ur anonymity; bt tat compromises the extent to which I can realli pour out my life in the blog.

I am not saying i haf alot of things to hide. But when u r alwiz wif a certain grp of ppl or friends..i can't bring myself to bitch abt them in my blog if i noe they r reading it. We haven reached the level whereby they r comfortable reading about how i feel they r at times. Tis makes things complicated and unnecessary since I may be seeing and interacting with them all the time.

So i just gloss over all those parts in my daily life and talk abt mundane topics that is classified under the 'safe' category. But lately its been eating at me, this inability to just express how i feel outright.

Can't tell my parents how i feel, can't tell my bf how i feel, can't talk on the phone regarding that, can't even blog abt it...There is like no outlet for me to vent it out. It just keeps eating into me.

I am the sort of person i need to lash it out and everything is settled. But i am also a person who hates to offend ppl, especially those whom I am in contact with or dependent upon. Hey, i never said i wasn't a crowd-pleasing coward who is extremely self-conscious of her actions with ppl.

Ok, I am a scared turtle.

So sue me.

Luckily i dun get tis train of thought much.

Anyway to cut a long conversation short, Fren X asked for some links to a few popular blogs cos he never came thru them before. Being nice friend that i am, i gave him the more widely-read ones like mrbrown and mr miyagi.

After going through some, our conversation continued.

Guy Friend X says:
haha..these ppl really too much time

TummyAche... says:
I dunno if they have some form of revenue coming in for writing the entries anot..

TummyAche... says:
its like xiaxue lidat..when she wrote that entry abt the existence of God, my dad said she realli nd to find a job.
TummyAche... says:
i didnt haf the heart to tell him that she could get paid very well just writing a couple of entries a wk.

TummyAche... says:
they enjoy wat they r doing ... tats how i feel

Guy Friend X says:
aha..n u r also very free to go read them..

TummyAche... says:
reading them make me laugh..Other than which i can find no other cheaper n

faster mtd to cheer myself up.

I think after that there was a brief moment of silence between the both of us as we digested that information. It was just typed in response to him, but when i saw that sentence glaring at me frm the screen, how true that was!

Yeah what..even if u drink to drown your sorrows, it still takes time to get urself drunk..money is spent on all the vodka or whatever u r into..not to mention the massive hangover one gets the morning after.

Back to the mundane topics. I finally finished my bible study lesson. Timed myself and it was ard 30 mins, which is good. Its on Abraham and Sarah. God i hope that i am talking sense. Just hope can stretch that long on wed. Nobody feels like going out for dim sum tml..gotta ask annabel if can change date. Heck, i dun even feel like going penguin island on tuesday man.

Nevermind..say go already so must go. Ssssigh.

New blog design

2005-03-26T22:50:00.000+08:00

Guess u all have noticed the difference liao huh...

Got sick of the old one..too cutesy with the bear...n cos of the bear, my entry colummn was squeezed into such a small space...Wah piang my entries shld be the main focus pt, nt the stupid bear...

But it was indeed cute while it lasted...just that sorry to say, beary n i had to go our seperate ways...Anyway hope that beary has better times with his next user... muahahaha

Sorry, pls ignore me..i am having trouble maintaining my usual levels of sanity. Didnt take medication for the day, pardon me.

Actually i ate too much la haha..Like elinna said..she has nv seen me eat so much in 2 days, haha.

Hope u all were sick of the last blog design n like this refreshing (and contrasting) change. If u preferred the last one...well, get USED to it den, keke.

Am on strike..Havent hit my books since tuesday. Well, at least i got wat i wanted to do for ladies bible study class on wednesday (yes i am teaching next wed. No kidding. ).

Ok, loyal readers of tis blog....shalt give u a short introduction of wat i am gonna do on wed. Not applicable to all the kids n those not intending to get married..cos its about looking at biblical marriages in the bible. U noe, famous characters such as Adam and Eve, Joseph and Mary etc..

I know...y can't i do a universal topic like 'love' or 'prayer' etc..tat everyone can listen to...Aiyah cos ppl been listening to those topics to death already..Plus i not qualified to teach such cheem topics wat...

Come to think of it..i oso nt eligible to talk abt it cos i nt even married!! haha... tts an ironical situation..Me single n long way to go before getting married, talking abt marriages to a class full of aunties (married) n young gals..

Ha!!

Been on strike frm tues til now...Mind, body n soul refused to hit the books ever since tt super bad day. mY BRAIN capacity probably degenerating day by day haha. Feel so weird, frm the lack of brain activity. Been reading blog after blog of super-gd blogs for the past few days n laughing aloud. Damn they r gd!! Hmm didnt noe the gay issue n HIV/AIDS issue in Spore brewing until so hot. But its sad when a society has degenerated until the only outlet citizens can take to when they haf sth to object is to their computers. Sooner or later i reckon we can't even take to objecting online anymore.

Everybody better start keeping hard-copy journals.

Parents very obviously concerned abt me since they been calling me almost everyday. Dad just had a super big argument wif KJ..haiz. I tink out of the 3 of us...I am prob the only one who doesnt have full-out arguments with loads of shouting n screaming in the background. We probably just snap at each other n 15 mins later everything is over.

KJ!!! Be a good boy ok?? U r the only one at home nowadays so i charge you with the task of making sure Dad & Mom dun haf higher blood pressure or faint from bursting of blood vessels (choy! pui! touch wood) before i get back ok??

Gotta go do up my bible study..wanna get it done by tonight by hook or by crook (empty promise)..Guess wat i been listening to for the past 3 hours?

Ella Fitzgerald

Barry Manilow

Elvis COstello..

Am i cheem or wat? Stef has upgraded herself to the arty-farty jazz/rhythm & blues society!!!

Wtf....i pui!!

Haha....enjoy tis wkend..Happy Good Friday (already passed n abit late for tt bt wat the hell) and Happy tis coming Easter!!

All u poor ppl who dun haf hols on Mon for Easter..eat ur heart out. I got whole of next week off!! N i will start hiding in the safety of my hse lest curses hit me frm all over the world...

aftermath of river cruise

2005-03-25T03:36:00.000+08:00

Baaack frm river cruise..its like 315 now!! Adrian still not back yet so i got loads of time to wash up..Was very gd..drank only a can of jim bean (Cos there was nth else except beer n soft drinks..eww)..

Cruise was okay. Not gd, not bad. Reckon music sucked though..DJ was really lousy n the pathetic few songs that he spinned out, he had to go screw them up.

Organisers missed out a major flaw in this event.

Basically, if you gonna organise an event for ppl to club while the ship is cruising..the very least is make sure that

1) The dance floor is big enuf to accomodate at least half of the guests

2) Provide decent drinks/alcohol!!!

Best they had was jim bean tat didnt taste very nice or go well wif my stomach either. N the dancefloor could accomodate mabbi 50 ppl max. I tried to dance there for like 5 mins and i had to get out to grasp a breathe of fresh air. Nt to mention nurse my poor stepped-and-trodden-all-over feet.

And when somebody farts, (realli!) you shld haf seen the rush of ppl as they trampled all over each other trying to get out. Mercifully for us, the security guard opened the ship's side door so we could all get a brief respite of non-contaminated air.

For everyone's info (yes, you you n YOU with the cheeky grins..dun tell me i dunno wat ur mind is thinking of), there were cute guys n hot chicks there.

Loads to be found in australia (and all asian keke). But all the cute guys were with their girlfriends, not tat i am looking (disclaimer clause hurriedly added so i wun get into more trouble). And all the hot chicks had either their boyfriends pawing over them..or surrounded by guys trying to paw them.

Saw a sweet scene though..There was tis guy who was really cute. Frm every angle (tat was tina's observation, nt mine. I sumpah). But he had no eyes for anyone on the dance floor even though he was surrounded by a bevy of beautiful bodies (female of cos)..Except for his boyfriend.

Ooops!! Did i say that?? Sorry, sorry dun freak out..I meant girlfriend.

Serious...err..girlfriend la. It was still a boat full of Asians wat...

(I know.. The image conjured up is of a hundred yrs ago when hundreds of illegal immigrants frm China all squeezed into a sampan. Tsktsk, i am bagging my own tong xiang men)

Awww....how sweet is that! U dun get to see that often, not in Perth at least. Cute and totally devoted (well, at tt time anyway). Tina was going 'damn, damn, damn!' the whole time, haha..

Anyway, met some ppl tonight. That's an improvement, eh? All Linna's friends. Too buggered to elaborate on that but will give a more detailed entry later..

Another Thursday

2005-03-24T18:30:00.000+08:00

No classes today...Intended to start on my mountain-high pile of schoolwork today..Spent the whole afternoon reading up some of the good blogs and laughing aloud. After a few hrs of entertainment you would have thought I'd end up feeling happier...but there is tis constant nagging feeling i have inside me, even now while I am typing away and semi-listening to my mother's instructions on how to fry a fillet...

Poor Mom, i think i seriously freaked her out with that email..i sounded like i was falling into depression over here. She said that i could stay in the hostel for a semester (bingo!), go to Melbourne if i wanted (check!), and allowed me to spend money on the river cruise and books that i liked from her account (ahahaha!)..

Anyway...i was reading the gd blogs and i suddenly realised how inept i am and sound..and after taking some time to analyze myself i came to the conclusion that i (can't think of any areas for the life of me) possess no form of flair in any area in life..

Now is that sobering fact sad or what?

But unfortunately i dun even haf the time to think about that pathetic thought cos i am rushing to go for the river cruise..have 10 mins to dress, make up and get ready...

SOmeone will end up waiting....and it aint me. Hope i have fun will ya...

My Reply to Mom

2005-03-23T22:48:00.000+08:00

*Below is a reply to the email i sent my mom just nw...

Dear mommy,

Hope u r feeling better..I have gone online to check singpost rates for u..basically 1 kg parcel is ard s$26.40 and it will rch in 9-12 days time. U can calculate ur parcel postage online to c if its cheaper than Msia. I dun believe Spore can be much more cheaper than Msia.

The url is http://www.singpost.com.sg/quick_services/quicks_02postage_cal.htm

Just went online to check the prices..basically end june and early july the cheapest u can get from virgin (which is already a budget carrier i reckon) is AUD 400 with taxes per person...tats fri flights so mabbi can get cheaper somemore bt wun be alot lesser. Personally i wouldnt wanna be stuck on a 4-5 hr flight tat is similar to AirAsia.Bt i reckon tts like the cheapest.

It may be cheaper to fly frm spore cos u join tour or sth. Plus the airport tax leh?perth is $191 airport tax (for a small airport)!Aunt j u can call her at night, yeah. Anytime oso can..if she working late u can call her office.Bt fri is gd friday n its a hol here so i reckon we will all be at home in the morning. Evening is uncle harry's chrystalyn bdae celebration so he open hse for church to go.

RegaRDIng the postage..i tried searching msia post office website online..Omg its so useless. Only a simple website n doesnt say anything useful at all. After some last min checks..i still need only the 3 items: 1) Book , 2) Eye makeup remover, 3) Bobbi brown concealer. Dun worry abt them getting lost or spilling over. If i can pack chocolates back home n it gets to spore n msia with minimum damage...i dun believe a plastic bottle can get smashed. Oh yeah, wat poslaju courier did mention in its website was that they haf guarranteed delivery or sth lidat.

Did u noe that if i go n stay in hostel in semester 2, my contract is for only 1/2 yr??Sorely tempted to do tat..My fren Annabel, parents has a apartment in PERTH, bt her mom asked her to stay in the hostel first so she could make some friends before she moved out to stay.

In reality, no matter hw dad might say that if one wants to make friends one will...U get to noe more ppl if u stay in the resident halls.Bcos ppl r all stuck there together, so they make the best out of it. All eat together, slp together, play together.. the hostel organizes events for everyone. Even if u dun make any gd friends, u at least haf a hell lot of acquaintances to smile at n say hi-bye. U haf a place to haf lunch in, ppl to sit with to have lunch..the only setback is the repetitive shitty food and the higher costs, which i think (after 5 wks of staying here),that i can take it, shitty food or not.

My reasoning goes like tis, mama:

If i stayed in hostel n eat the crap food day in day out..i will get a pittance allowance. tts the worst thing tat will happen. Can't spend on anything much. But at least i wun haf so much trouble getting to noe ppl n gotta go all out to noe ppl like tis is some kind of election campaign i am undertaking. Ur daughter in the first place does NOT have the kind of super-friendly n gung-ho personality tt u see frm those ms universe contestants. B4 dad says tt i gotta start smiling, i did already smile. N was friendly.

Bt i dun haf tt basic connection u noe?As in,i am nt related at all to the ppl who r staying in hostel. If we were all in 1 hostel we at least haf more stuff to talk abt. Bt once they noe i nt frm hostel,they dunno wat else to say either. N they cant be bothered to cos i nt staying in hostel, they dun nd to c my face day in day out.

If i stay outside (which i already am), i get more allowance n get to eat the food i wanna eat. The 2 driving benefits. I been here for 5 wks. There is no food i no longer wanna eat except for papaya, which u cant get here. I eat the same food day in day out (muesli, bananas, peanut butter n nutella sandwich, yoghurt, fruits etc), which is even more routine than hostel. N the extra allowance tt i apparently am getting by staying here doesnt allow me to do much, come to think of it.

Everything is expensive, n eating just food court appetisers (ur daughter cannot even afford to buy a main course for the weekly lunch treat she allows herself) can break my heart cos its expensive AND the food is horrible. I likee Daisy's food better. Go give her another raise pls so she won't run away with a Bangla worker.

Weighing the 2 situations right...i shld be much better off staying in hostel..I can tahan 6 mths with crappy food since i am already eating the same stuff everyday. Wat will drive me nuts is the lack of ppl to even smile n say hi at.

I was so stupid n naive. Shld not haf thought of saving money first. Like wat aunt moychee said..if i want to save money i might as well just go NTU n study.

Granted, tis phrase doesnt gimme the right to spend like water. Bt i at least would have had a decent life here. I thought i came here for exposure to life h.I din come here to hole myself up in the hse with nth to do except watch tv n study n do hsewrk.

Can u believe that although i dunwanna go, bcos of the lack of friends, i have to fight to get a bloody ticket for a river cruise tml evening. Hoping u will know somebody there.

U noe, if we dunhaf much $ right, i am really ok coming bk to study in Spore..cos if i am gonna live like tis in perth for the rest of 2 yrs, i rather fly back now n nt waste everyone's time n $. Reckon i gonna fail my law unit anyway. There is nth great abt this country (except weather, ice cream, bread, chocolate n cakes) for me to get myself 'exposed' to. If i really nd to get exposed to the culture n ppl, i reckon that will take up alot of ur money..

Since you all keep gawking at hw much everything costs here, n i got even lesser money despite my obscene frugality, there is nth for me to experience here. I dunhaf any life here anyway. N if u want to experience life, well, everything here nds $.

I wanna go back home.

At least back home i dun nd to bottle up everything inside me. I got ppl to cry to n cry with. I dun nd to act happy n cheerful day in day out at home n in uni. I got more money to spend on everything n anything..I dun nd to kp counting n worrying abt hw much money i haf and hw much i spent tat just the sight of dollar bills make me sick.

I dun nd to face subtle discrimination by locals who think themselves so bloody great they give u poor attitude/svc just because u dun speak in tt awful slang of theirs. I dun nd to face shitty teachers in school who run out of the lecture/tutorial once it ends, so much so i cld nv get to ask qns in areas i am doubtful.

In short, i get to go through much lesser shit, with lower costs. As much as i love the ppl i am staying wif as they r really nice and sth like 2nd family already, u gotta realise that they dun expect me to stay for 2 whole yrs (apparently i am the only one who stayed the longest) and in order for me to 'experience life' here, i gotta move out, preferably to hostel or anywhere there is a large pool of ppl who r willing to socialize wif u n u haf cmn areas in..Nt now bt most likely during the hols.

Btw, i had the shittiest day yesterday.If u still can stomach more complaints, u can rd my blog for the full details..I am sorry if i appear to be whining n stuff, bt life isnt really all rosy n great as it seems here. The worst thing is having to put on a happy face n be nice to everyone when all u feel like is screaming n locking urself up in the rm; even in days like yesterday..Its enuf to kill anyone.

Love,sTeF

superduper bad day

2005-03-22T21:10:00.000+08:00

Disclaimer Clause: Super-duper BAD day...

You have been warned.

Crappiest, shittiest day i have gone through so far this year..Even before i got out of bed i already had this dreaded feeling that this not a gd day for me..By the time i got to the car to go to uni, it was a 100% confirmed shitty day ahead.

Can say the bad mood i had made everything seemed even lousier than usual (read: self-fulfilling prophecy) but seriously, how often does one haf a whole day of events and every single one of the events were SHIT? I am surprised I didnt get knocked dwn by a truck or fell off the steps today..

Usually every morning i can wake up and make myself happy and look forward to classes..My cheerfulness so far has been the only way to keep me from going insane and flying back on the first flight out..

Today i just couldnt do it. Not even out of bed yet and I was already crying (refuse to go into that) and wondering why the hell am i here having to go thru all this shit.. Having to be alone by myself and still gotta make life even more miserable for myself by spending poor and being at home most of the time.

Oh-my-freaking-God...Who the hell termed all the shit that overseas students have to go through something called 'EXPOSURE' ? Exposure my foot! I dun c wat kinda shit exposure i am getting when so far the only revelation that i have experienced is that ppl here dun use tissue paper, that a box of facial cotton can cost almost AUD6, and that during Easter, Australia is chocolate heaven.

Ok, maybe I am NOT cut out for the great life abroad. Dunhaf the cash (its alwiz fucking abt $, $ and more $) for it, dunhaf the bloody cheerful and outgoing personality too. Mabbi i too family-oriented. My mom tells me to go make some frens (so bloody easy for her to say) So i go. Linna asks me if i wanna go for a river cruise organized by the MSU (costs AUD20+ btw...omg wat issit abt perth n $?) and i say ok..cos i also wanna haf some frens wat, no matter how many times i tell myself i can survive being alone at times cos i came here to study..

So now i find myself being torn between getting a life (trying to noe more faces, at least) and he making me feel i'm betraying tis r/s just cos i am appearing to be enjoying life more.

U noe wat he said? Sth like.."every wk also got sth horr.."Den when i said "its only just cos its sem 1 and there r loads of freshies so all the clubs organise stuff to get ppl to join n haf fun.", he shot back wif "Yeah..right...That's wat you say.We shall wait and see.." (translated frm chinese)..AND wif a very sour tone..Needless to say the entire conversation went downhill after tt..before we hung up he gave me the 'cold war' punishment tactic..wtf

Oh, i must haf felt so good right after hearing how supportive and encouraging he was, didnt i? He dun nd to worry abt friends and stuff cos he HAS friends and family n work to keep him occupied there. Me? My fucking phone doesnt even ring or sound at all. So far the only person who msg me here whoM I knew in australia is Linna. When i am nt in uni (which means am at hm), the bloody phone is so silent i gotta check to c if there is reception.

Omg..i not saying i gonna party every night and elope with the first cute guy i c. And i seriously doubt that there is any guy who is so besotted wif me that he will deploy all sort of strategies to entice me away..And sad thing is, i didnt really wanna go to tat freaking river cruise in the first place..i rather stayed at hm n study..bt i know tat if i do tat, n continue to act so unsociable, i will nt be able to survive in uni for 2 yrs..Since i am stuck here alone, if i dun even noe get to noe some hi-bye ppl, i might as well go back home. I reckon i already look like an outcast in sch anyway.

Anyway, all these happened even before the day started...so needless to say tat by the time it came to law lecture,i was in such a shit mood i couldnt get wat Sam was saying..Law has got so many inter-connecting situations n rules i get confused most of the time..Besides, i was sitting alone in the middle, as usual..n every other student in the lt looked solemn n serious (fun ones all at the back n u instantly will noe i dunno them. For starters, they all angmoh and they all appear pretty exclusive.). At least they all seemed to noe wat he was trying to say. I appear to alwiz be the hardworking idiot in this unit.

Ok, nvm..tis happens to me all the time in law lecture. Den i go for my FAB class. N today he talked abt hw mistreated the overseas chinese were in their countries, save for S'pore, HK n Taiwan..Halfway listening to him, i realised that nt only i been treated like shit in Malaysia just cos i nt a bloody malay (pui! touch wood), when i go S'pore to study at times got some idiots dun seem to particularly like anyone nt frm S'pore much (except for the ang mohs whom they fawn all over, those double-faced ppl)..

Den i realise that even when i come here, u able to c the amount of respect (nt much) or contempt (quite abit) in their minds for you that some of the locals have, through their treatment or attitude towards you. Yeah, i admit that i may be oversensitive, and it isnt everyone tts lidat..bt there IS bloody subtle discrimination cos I am nt BLIND n i got BRAIN so i can compare n contrast their behaviour towards locals n overseas 'blur' students.

So wat u want me/us to do?Can't blend in cos they wun give u the chance..Go back to China? Even the mainland chinese wun accept me back even if i went back (i dun want to, btw) cos i am an outsider now and to them they also look down on us ppl, whose forefathers fled China during times of struggle. No kidding, i tink i heard my dad said that.

So basically i find i am an outcast almost everywhere. I tink tats when i was fighting hard not to burst out crying in lecture. Den gotta rush for law tute. Hmmph. Tat was a laugh. Spent 5 hrs getting my law tutorial done and more than half of the answers were wrg. Last wk tell me no nd to go into details. Tis wk tell me my answers nt only wrg, but too general. N he added that the qns were very simple n repetitive.

Wanted to ask qns cos i got confused by some articles tt appeared similar; but i didnt get a chance, cos he was in such a hurry to leave (room was like being in hell, so stuffy it was) tat he just pointed to ppl who gave the correct answers. Half the class like he taught before lidat and he let them all speak up. The only time i got to open my mouth, he shot me dwn before i cld even finish by saying the article quoted was wrg.

Once he finished the last qn, he positively fled the room. I tilt up my head n all i see is the door closing. Unbelievable. I nv see such a publicly bo chup lecturer/ tutor before.

This same bloody lecturer also coincidentally appropriated 15 bloody marks for class participation !! If this continues on i CFRM failing my law unit. Dun blame me for tat, mama.

So i end up not only getting my answers wrong..getting slighted by my tutorial mates (seriously, i dunno y they wun smile at me when i try to smile back), i also end up looking like an idiot. And the areas i nd clarification in r STILL nt answered. All i did was rush to the fitness centre trying nt to cry and to work it out n hopefully get the crying mood away.

Aerobics class was nearly cancelled cos only got 3 students. Instructor last min decide to do steps instead. I thought i was doing fine trying to catch up to the moves..got at least 70% of them right..but dunno y he just likes to point out to me and correct me everytime i miss a step.

Hello? If i can do all ur steps perfectly I will be teaching steps classes ok? Not u teaching me! Take a look ard the other 2 gals..The chinese gal was even lousier than i was, why dun u correct her too? Even went up to me and said that it would be better if i took one level off my steps board, like i freaking couldnt handle it n was falling apart.

But by the time aerobics session ended, i worked up a sweat and at least the crying feeling had died down. So even when i went to a supermarket to buy some sweets i wanted (make myself more cheerful) and that lousy supermarket didnt even sell that common, can-be-found-all-over-the-place candy, it was ok. I just couldnt be bothered to cry or feel sorry for myself. Feel sorry for urself so wat? Like it will do u any gd lidat. In the end u still fucking stuck here alone n gotta worry abt the same old things u worrying abt nw.

Oooh...long entry tis one..think of it tis way..at least when i blog, its a long one, haha. Gotta do tutorial now..ssigh. Someone better sound nicer when he calls...or else i can just die cos the last thing i wanna do now is to be nice, mature, and butter and coax someone up; when today has already been the pits.

OMGdness

2005-03-13T17:10:00.000+08:00

OMGdness.....OMGdnesss...!!!

I just bumped into a fren from college whom i haven seen/felt/heard about for 4 freaaaking years!!! Ok not physically bump but i was on msn n he suddenly msg me n i was like :

"OMGdness its chengwei!!!!!!"

Old classmate that i was with in college...short babyish guy but was a great table tennis player (ppl play for state wan ok)..n unfortunately tts all i remember of him, keke...Turns out he grad frm curtin last yr n now back in Sabah shaking legs haha...

Bombarding him wif news of all other college mates until he had to go..So many yrs since i lost touch with them..past years been wondering how they were n thinking abt the gd ole times in college..ssigh, haha.

But now that reality hits back, i gotta stop reminiscing abt olde times n get my butt cracking...2 more tutorials to finish by today..My motivation to produce gd wrk has vanished n now i just wanna get it over n done with haha..Took the whole day to complete my law tutorial..1st tutorial ever n my answers r 11 pages long!! I wanna say i am hardworking but i think based on the length of time taken to getting it done i haf henceforth concluded i am stupid/dumb.
*nods head sagely*

Think i will haf to go bk to hitting the books again..ssigh...sian.

tummy on strike!

2005-03-11T20:59:00.000+08:00

Nick: tuMMy oN sTriKe

Mah tummy ish gonna stage a freaking revolution soon...cant go toilet, cant shit, whole system is down man...Tonight was king of all feasts man. Spaghetti wif crayfish/lobster, salad, steak etc...My stomach is revolting soon. Cant take too much rich food at one time..

Thing is...my system clogging up due to the past wk of rich sinful food i being fed on..Past wk the hse had aunt joanne n bee hiong frm spore to stay so everyday i been a gd gal n dutifully having my dinner. Nw those who know me know tt i dun eat dinner. (i repeat, i dun eat dinner) Bt courtesy mah, plus live outside wif ppl hw can dun gif face...so eat lorr.. Since they been here the hse like cooking competition lidat, haha. Every meal outshines the other, hence tonight was termed 'king of all feasts'...

Resulting in me putting on l0oads of weight n having a poor digestive system now AND (horror of all horrors!) nt being able to shit! (which is very impt to me cos i tend to get grumpy) Man, i feel like tearing my hair out in frustration nw. Tummy all bloated i feel like calling 911 beseeching them to pump the air out of me, keke..

Next wk, next wk by hook or by crook i DIE oso must go on a detox n flush out all the toxins frm tis body man. Just chatted online wif kahoo...hmm, he is doing ok himself in JB. Gonna open a watch shop soon in city sq so EVERYONE PLS SUPPORT SUPPORT horr...Go buy sth even if u dunhaf to..hehe. Sssigh, i miss everyone at hm..

Anyway, gd thing is i can get someone to bring bk the stuff i bought Adrian n my family bk to spore so I dun nd to post to Adrian (less than 1 kg cost AUD20 man!)..Bought my mama loads of easter eggs n bunnies n rocky road (yum yum!) today..Thank gdness she din c the receipt...oh yeah n got her a present. Still haven bought anything for myself yet, quite proud of tt

*nods head affirmatively*

Gotta go...ocean 11 started long time ago n 930 there is a international comedy festival or sth..woohoo!! TV is great in Perth...(btw, Desperate Hsewives airing a few episodes faster than in Spore, haha! So dribble on, u Sporeans haha.) I turning into tv addict soon, hee!

Ciao!

SssiCk

2005-03-04T17:24:00.000+08:00

Urrrgh....I think i ate too much ice cream at one shot just now..am feeling sick already..Y on earth God put so many cows in Australia...He shld haf put them somewhere like Africa or sth so the ice cream here wun taste so marvelicious..

Urrrgh...i think i gonna puke now...Later still got Youth..hmm, ok..can plan to vomit just when study on Esther is starting so tat 1)I'll be centre of attraction (& embarassment) ; 2) get to skip the discussion on Esther ... muaahhahhahaha!! Ok, will do...

One day of r & r

2005-03-03T14:21:00.000+08:00

Nick: oFFicIaLLy a PIG

I shall not even go into that...*breaks dwn sobbing*

Suffice to say, tis evil evil nation has finally brought dwn my initially iron-clad resolve to be a healthy gal with its numerous temptations of chocolates (my gdness!easter here is like cny lidat wif all its eggs n rabbits in all sizes n varieties), buns (big, Big BIG!!), ice-cream and cakes cakes n more cakes!!!

Just had nutella sandwiches and milk for lunch...*smaacks lips*..Yummy!! I feel like i'm back in primary sch wat wif all the consumption of peanut butter n nutella sandwiches i been bringing to sch daily.

Anyway, I'm not in school today. 1) No lectures; 2) No $ to venture beyond my doorstep cos spent too much on lunch yesterday. Anyone who envisions living n studying overseas (i mean the angmoh countries k) as living the gd life abroad.. ALL DROP DEAD LA U ALL!!

It is the gd life IF u haf loads of money n henceforth can live as u used to bk at hm. Here, i gotta scrimp n save (tight budget, tighter allowance) so much so i live more like a missionary, so not the princess lifestyle before...

*sobs..sobs...wails for mommy*

Lunch is either packed frm hm..or a critical (& lifesaving) decision between:

1)chocolate bar (i can spend up to 20 min at tt section deciding which one to eat)

2)ice-cream (also 20 mins)

OR 3) whichever humungous bun tt catches my eye (tis one faster, 3 mins only).

Yesterday was undergoing my lunch decision (there is only so much peanut butter n nutella sandwiches i can eat per wk) at Dewson's (Dewson, Dawson, watever la ok) supermarket and i suddenly got so sick n depressed of being poor.

Nt that it isnt a refreshing change...think previous mths had too gd of a life so kinda nice to stop spending on frivolities for once..Bt the fun part is over n i suddenly found myself in the supermarket wondering wat the hell i was doing now. I din know that i was coming all the way here to live like a pauper! Shld haf stayed in Spore..at least i got family n loved ones n gd steamed fish to eat. N i could go swensens n crystal jade if i wanted to occasionally.

Anyway...i got worse treatment when i went to post office at broadway to post parcel to adrian. Tat counter woman gave me a real disdainful look just cos i dunno the procedure to post a parcel. Had to queue so many times just to ask her a qn when she could haf just told me one shot the entire procedure. She got tis 'Y u so stupid, u newcome to Perth' smirk on her face. I felt like slapping her.

Ssigh..bt of cos..the occasional 'what the heck am i doing here when i shld be at hm' thoughts tt comes fleetingly dissipated very quickly n once again i was thankful n grateful to be in this face.. Hell..if i haf to eat peanut butter sandwich n milk everyday so be it.

Gotta go...was supposed to start on my reading list at 1!! tts the only gd thing abt having a tight allowance..i am forced to study at hm. That, n keeping my room clean...keke. Ciao ppl..

in Perth at Last

2005-02-25T13:51:00.000+08:00

Hot..hot...HOT!!!!

Just finished washing the car wif Elinna...1 hr outside the sun scrubbing n squirting water away n my skin turns red...Considering the fact tt i am the kind who squeals n run away frm sunshine like the 3 fat pigs when they c the big bad wolf...One would tink this is pure torture for me haha...

So exaggerating man..I dun even purposely go out to get myself tanned n stuff.. Just walking ard sch n doing stuff can already get sun burnt..Had to buy after sun spray cos skin heating up n turning red just by being outside..Weather tis 2 days heating up..first few days when i got here it was cool n cold. Den i tink SOMEONE above obviously felt that my orientation welcome to Perth has been overextended so the weather reverted bk to its normal stds..keke.

Oh btw for those who dunno...I AM IN PERTH!!! Nth to be excited abt..been here a wk..all excitement has died dwn except for mon when lts starts in uni.. Dun ask me how come i so long didnt update my blog..no time cant be bothered. Loads of stuff has happened...none which i haf got the time as of nw to explain in detail so just wait til i get bk frm my grocery shopping k..

Elinna is calling for me already...ciao ppl...Go blame her haha.

ssweeet

2005-01-27T18:00:00.000+08:00

Here is a quoted para frm an article i read on mon. I tink its sweet, keke.

Why mothers Cry

A boy asks his mother why she cries.

"Because I am a mother," she tells him.

"I don't understand," he says.

His mother hugs him & says, "You never will!"

The little boy becomes a man, still wondering why mothers cry. So he asks God.

God tells him that when He made mothers, he made them special.

Their shoulders had to be strong enough to carry the weight of the world, yet gentle enough to give comfort. He gave them inner strength to endure childbirth, childcare, rejection, and a will to keep going when everyone else has given up.

He also gave mothers the sensitivity to love their children under all circumstances even when their children hurt them. This same sensitivity would help them to share a growning child's anxieties and fears.

And all these loving qualities would come with the ability to shed tears.

"Its a tear for mankind," God says.

Tis is for Mom..sorry for all the tears i caused..N will u pls forgive me for splurging on those Nikes & at least subsidise abit..hehe.

kj pic

2005-01-27T17:38:00.000+08:00

Apparently brother said if i put up his pic on my blogsite my viewership would shoot up.. Rrrright...Someone pls prove him wrong..plssss

Labby ALive

2005-01-27T17:19:00.000+08:00

Damn i feel so fat n full n bloated nw cos been sitting for whole day after lunch plus been eating alot lately PLUS fact tat i did only 1 session of aerobics tis whole wk. Like i told my mom last nite when i gt bk hm...Tat CH is actually a PIG hidden in disguise..All of u...beware her calm, innocent exterior...Inside her is actually a scheming, naughty, worldly...erm wat else huh...twig-like GLUTTON! Everytime i go out wif her i end up eating more than i shld..(which is actually close to nth at all), damndamndamn..

*pause for awhile...i nd to shit*

As i was saying...tat is nt the only bad influence tat poor old me rubbed off frm her...The 2 of us been spending way too much money for the past few days together..as if i dun spend alot on my own already...Main pt i am getting to is.. if i ever get old, fat, ugly AND broke...its HER fault..ahahaha.

Been running ard lately damn busy...already forgotten most of wat i haf done due to 1)lack of slp, 2)getting old, brain shrinking..Bt in the end after lugging labby all the way to spore to find its insured doctor...N going all the way to twinhead manufacturer..end up it was just the motherboard settings tat screwed up..piang i had to lug tat humongous nuisance for 2 whole days!

Getting closer to feb 17...shit..saw my ex 2 days ago when i was going bk..He gt gf liao...damn happy n relieved for him haha. Tat girl's character is real nice..I told him if he screws up again, I wun be there to watch his back anymore..Den talked to him on the phone.. Long time didnt catch up wif one another..damn his life has evolved so much.. damn i am SO gonna miss my close frens n loved ones.. Gosh i dun even know if i can take it when the day actualli comes..

Bf has been real busy for the past few wks...cny alot of shipments of plants..i rarely get to haf a decent conversation or time spent wif him cos when he gets hm its ard 8-9..den he entertains his parents while i watch tv in his living rm.. den takes bath n slp..Sometimes i wonder hw come he doesnt entertain lil old me more often since he gets to c them everyday bt me only once a wk..

Oh well at the rate we r going...its gd training for him..he wun be missing me to death since we dun c each other for long anyway..Oh well i am nt complaining at all cos been busy past 2 wks n din realli haf alot of time to miss him to death or sth. Bt suddenly feel very chilly n heart very heavy...

Thank goodness for CH! Did mentioned recently to Ad n her tat the time i spent wif her in 1 day is prob more than the time i get to spend wif my bf in 2 wks. Imagine!! i dunno whether to feel happy or sad man...Anyway when i jokingly asked him if he felt threatened in any way or nt cos i spend so much time wif her & she is a tomboyish boy-bashing gal...he gave a very nonchalant 'No'...Seems like nth threatens/affects him much...except his parents' health & work of cos.

Bt thank goodness for CH!! oh did i mention tat?Been spending alot alot of time wif her lately..she comes in to jb or i go into spore..been shopping wif her for the past few days. Think past few days spent more than $600..Buying gifts for all my close frens & loved ones..Bought a pair of cool black sneakers, cool cap, cool berms n cool shorts frm nike in 20 mins last night haha..CH la..say the berms looked real nice on me...haha.

Current motto in life: When in doubt, blame CH

To cont...realli enjoy hanging out wif her..just hope we dun get sick of each other in perth haha.Oh yeah..did i blog abt my finally started driving lessons? haha i am a damn riot on the road! Scary..Bt nw in no mood to blog..HeArt duno y still feeling rather heavy...next time next time.

Damnit...i am so so going on a shopping spree to make myself happier end of tis wk.

dAmN bLoOdY pC mAn

2005-01-17T19:41:00.000+08:00

MSN nick at the mo': bLoOd-SuCkInG cOmPuTeR tEcHnIcIaNs!!

Dun berate me with why on earth am i not updating tis blog regularly. N dun even start reminding me abt my oath a long long time ago on blogging regularly IF i haf broadband..As repeated, it WAS a LONG LONG time..

I nt in the mood currently to screech at u all..

Gt back on sat night exuberantly to find that my labby has crashed!!

According to the computer technician who came tis afternoon (yes, the blood-sucking one), n charged 60 bucks for doing NTH, most likely system kena virus or watever shit. If he brings it bk for troubleshooting, he charges MORE. So i asked him to go eat shit (politely of cos), i'll get it fixed myself..

According to CH whom i called just nw,n for FREE, 80% cfrm the system crashed cos someone (dunno which bloody idiot) downloaded STH tt had a VIRUS inside it..Damnit, nw ALL my pics, files, musics all LOST once its reformatted..

Once my labby is fixed, i am gonna lock it dwn wif a password N a fatal curse on whoever tries to use it without permission.

The dearie (CH of cos) even offered to reformat for me free of charge n go all the way to my hse to take a look at it!! ooh i love her so much!! More than my bf too..sometimes.

Ok, i take that back..haha.i DO NOT love her as much as said bf..bt close enuf haha...

Btw, bought my pda liao keke. Bf was salivating over it..kept asking if it was for him..Of cos its for u...IF u pay me bk $761, hehe. Its a Tungsten T5!! Pretty cool.It even has wireless! Features nt fully utilized yet cos bloody labby crashed when i gt bk hm...damnit.Nw only lack new hp n all my gadgets r complete..suddenly feel so broke.

Damndamndamn i feel so helpless n wu nai n handicapped without my beloved labby...nv knew i tis kinda person oso can be reduced to tis kind of state..n i TOT i was stone-age material...

Oh yeah. Went to boomboomroom last fri nite. It was a RIOT!! Haha.. kumar was damn funny as usual..it was real packed. Lucky we booked a table in advanced bt in the end we sat on our tables n stood on our chairs to get a betta view. Unbelievably packed. Poor waiters couldnt even squeeze thru as every inch of the entire floor was taken up. So many ppl stding in front of me i had to std on my chair thruout the entire show. Nt exaggerating. Bt it was fun. Ended at 3, gt bk ard 4. Jo's bf, Andrew was nice enuf to drop CH n me at clementi mrt stn; considering the fact tat he was damn tired n had a tendency to get into car accidents when he was tired. Scaary.

Feel fat n bloated. Plus wif the demise of beloved labby, am nw gonna cheer myself up playing wif the hoola hoop.

Yesh, u heard me correctly. Ciao, all...

wld ya all look at tt?!

2005-01-12T00:20:00.000+08:00

Would you all look at that??!!!

Its been a week since i last blogged!!! Man it feels like a long time, haha...
I can hear a chorus of 'chey', '...' and simultaneous agreement tat u all didnt notice at all n would i stop thinking tat the world revolves ard me (?) ...

But it does wat!!!
hahahaha

I know i am abit siao at the moment...anyway nt gonna blog alot oso.No mood to type out a 5000-wordy vivid description of the past wk, keke...

ANyway life is ok at the moment. Getting busy nowadays wif the aussie stuff n all...mom may nt be coming wif me so i going over alone. Guess nd to make myself independent la, haiz...Oso gd in a way...Was telling linna n rene tat if i fly alone rite...i most likely would be bawling even before the plane takes off (most likely in the departure hall already started)...

which is gd cos the stewardess might be mightily persuaded to stuff loads of ice cream instead of the sucky airline food they gif..into my mouth to get me to stop harrassing others.

Or mabbi i can find myself wif a free upgrade to first class!!
*claps hand wif glee*

Yeah..right..haha..As said earlier on...abit siao today liao..
Anyway i forgot wat i wanted to say earlier on so u all wait til i remember it ok?? oh yeah...linna they all can't wait for me to get there..

Haha!! it realli makes me feel much better...at least i will feel loved over there keke

Resolutions

2005-01-05T23:27:00.000+08:00

Nick: tIs WorLd is LOADED wIf F**keD ppL

Resolutions Resolutions!!

Sorry tis got in so late...Alot of bad events happened just yesterday n i am still suffering frm the pain n hurt today...hope tml will be a betta day cos i am baking cookies...

To force myself on a cheery n upbeat mode...so wat r the new yr resolutions for 2005? For me its...

Get My Life (n Body!!!) in Shape
Grow Closer to God; Study more of the Bible
Lose 3 kg (as alwiz as alwiz)
Drink More Water
Find my Direction in Life n What i Wanna Do

ok...serious serious matters...all the above r..Anyway i am extremely depressed so tis will haf to suffice for nw..Will blog abt wat happened yesterday on another day.

Small hint...He STILL hasnt called today, dun tink he will..ssigh. I realli rank so low huh...mabbi ch is rite.He may haf changed over the years..He treated her real well though frm wat i c in the beginning.

I am so not going to shed another tear.

bLooDy Men

2005-01-02T01:12:00.000+08:00

Nick: bLoODy mEn...

No nd to ask...u all shld know..nt in the mood to tell..go bug rene if u all realli wanna know...bt already feeling much betta..haha

Quarrelled...felt he was taking my usually sweet temper for granted while he felt me being unreasonable...actualli i was cos suddenly felt abit sian..bt who doesnt haf tis kinda feeling sometimes? Can't expect me to be so nice n sweet n understding ALL the time rite? I gt my PMSes, bad moods, mood swings etc oso wat...

Besides, he gets irritable to me at times too...i try to deal wif it n be understding so y cant he do the same? I can't alwiz be the sacrificial lamb all the time..lidat go perth hw? bOTH quarrel everyday ah? When i am over there n lonely n missing everyone plus wif sch stress n stuff, my temper will be terrible...wat if he can't take it?? (based on usual reaction, dun tink he can take it)

OMG....

I can't bear it if anything happens to us over there...at least nt over there when i am all alone n nd love n care n concern n support the most..... *eyes getting red, starts sobbing n wailing*

Okie i noe i getting theatrical bt most likely i would be feeling tat over there... God....Aaaaahhh...forget it la...tink abt it oso sian n no pt tinking oso...wat will happen will happen..haven happen yet y go n tink tat it will?

Am i confusing u guys? Me no mood to blog...today was shitty all cos of a phone call so me no wanna blog no more today...

Hmmph............

HaPPy New Year

2004-12-31T21:42:00.000+08:00

In Adrian's hse...had sucky dinner bt sweet company *swoons wif delight*..He looks so boyish n adorable rite nw wif tat stripey jumper of his...

Shit..i digressed again...As I was saying...

As I will be too busy partying (rave party!!) *jumps wif glee* and witnessing my lil bro baptism (I'm so happy for u, KJ)...

Before I forget...as I most likely will...

MeRRy cHrIsTmAs n A HaPPy NeW 2005!!!!

oops...

HaPPy NeW yEaR!!! WeLcOme 2005!!!
I Love U PeoPle!!! MmuuAAAcks MuaaacKs MmuuAAcks!!!

Today was a wonderful ending to a marvellous year..N a brilliantly positive start to a positively brilliant New Year.
(Sugar level high...brain has limited vocab inside)

Wats ur 2005 REsolution/s (bound to be started enthusiastically n forgotten 2 mths later)?

CeleBrate Like There's No TmL okie...Watever u peeps do today..make sure u enjoy it N there'll be no RegreTs..

C ya Next Year!!!

InConSoLaBLe pIggY

2004-12-30T17:30:00.000+08:00

Was so looking forward to tis new yr eve cos i will be spending it with Adrian... Yay!!! *Squeals in delight*

In fact, I made him promise to celebrate wif me & there would be no sneaking off wif his frens later. Being such a fear, he agreed & even planned the itinerary for that night. We would be having dinner in twn, den celebrating dwntwn and going bk after the countdwn was over cos he gotta wrk on Sat morning. Den after his wrk on Sat, mabbi we will meet.

*sighs dreamily*

Was realli happy & excite ya noe...Cos wif his busy schedule, usually he is too tired (n lazy) to go dwntwn...At least wif tis planning of new yr eve celebration, it shows he actually makes an effort to plan sth tt does nt revolve ard eating, sleeping n watching tv. So happy n touched, hehe...

And den WAT had to happen?

Lil bro at the last minute (last nite actualli) decided to get baptised. We were all so happy n excited!! Until he announced he wanted to be baptised at exactly 12 midnite on New Yr's Day. I was still happy for him until Mom said in order to show moral support, everyone gotta drop everything & rush bk to witness his baptism.

Brain din really process wat she said (tink its lagging) until it suddenly sank in at one shot n hit me. Rushing bk means cancelling celebration wif Adrian.. Cancelling means no chance for me to c hw sweet he can be & everything will go to waste while I spend the rest of the night waiting for my bro to be dunked into the water.

Tis new yr eve would be our first n last new yr eve together (me going perth next feb) & it has to be cancelled...?

!!!!!!!!!!

Cried, screamed, argued with mom, even in front of my brother. Hw could she do tis to me? Of all nights y choose the most impt nite to me?!! She cld have told me in advance. Y tell me last minute? Y must U make me attend? Nd I remind her tat during MY baptism, nobody frm my family attended?? Watsmore she bloody knew i made plans long long ago....

Etc etc etc...yada yada yada...

She still insisted (as alwiz) and added that God would bless me more if I attended. (I dun c hw by just attending my bro's baptism tat God will let me go to heaven...it ain't TAT easy)

I argued until: 1) I had no voice left, 2) I knew I would still lose in the end,

3) I felt embarassed cos my bro was listening & by arguing I was dampening his enthusiasm...

In the end I quit arguing & tried to accept the fact n focus on being happy for my bro cos even though he is STILL a spoilt brat, he is my bro & deep dwn inside i love him la *sappy music comes in* ... N mabbi cos i noe tis was impt to him, not my mom, and i cant disappoint him...

After that, cried...in the shower, in bed, in...everywhere...Den called Adrian & told him. He took it pretty well (hmm..could tis mean tat he is secretly gleeful cos he can go hang out wif his frens?). So nw any fanciful idea of having a romantic new yr eve celebration tog has been crushed.

Oh well, at least I made someone happy..

But now its my turn to be unhappy n disappointed...

WAAAAAAAAAH!!!!! Y is my life so ironical?!!

*wails n bangs head*

Think my msn nick says it all - InConSoLaBle PiGGy

(on the way out to order a celebration cake for bro...i surprise myself wif the things i do at times)

FreAkiNg BoReD

2004-12-30T13:40:00.000+08:00

Am freaKing boRed right now. Brain has auto shut off all processing capabilities. Am nw currently existing on hibernation mode. Feel like those big polar bears when they hibernate during winter; difference being they get to slp and eat all they want whereas I'm stuck in tis bloody room fighting to kp my eyes open.

In case u r all blur, i am nw attending my compulsory tyre-changing course. A 3-hr course...3 hours!!! Currently there is still 1 1/2 hrs more to go & I've already exhausted most of my survivial techniques learnt throughout my 3 yrs of tertiary education.

Aircon is freezing cold...even though i am wrapped up like a mummy (a MUST if one intends to step into any government building in Msia), I swear my nails r turning the same shade of purple as the nail polish I coated on them. Was analyzing my hands just nw...wat i would give to paint my nails nw..could actually visualize painting them 1 by 1...(tts hw bored i am)

Aaaahhh...am nw in such a conducive environment for sleeping. Pity tis type of environment alwiz arrives whenever i nd to stay awake...The driving instructor conducting tis course kps walking ard the rm as he drones on & on & on (damnit!)..I tink he noes he's boring us all to slp...

I have NO idea what he is talking abt (mainly bcos i no understd Malay at all). All i know is his mumbling sounds like that of a soothing hum and i am fast nodding off...Ironical isnt it?

All I've done so far is look at the screen n pretend to take notes. Dun tink he's convinced, though i am trying my best to look like an industrious student. He kps walking ard my seat and looking at me while i valiantly try to ignore his eye contact n scribble on...(damnit, looking at again!) Tink he is trying to peep on tis entry...well, he can rd it officially once tis is up :)

Come to tink of it, its so obvious tt i'm nt taking dwn notes...i look like i dun even noe wats going on!! Oh yeah, n i was the only one who raised my hand (frantically) when he asked if there was anyone who din understd Malay.

Shit...I shouldnt have done tat, should I?

*wails*

Can't blame me...how i noe??? I tot by being honest they would excuse me from attending the course...

ShitShitShit

*After 30 min break *

Already resorting to snacking on nuts to kp myself awake. Limiting myself to only 1 pkt cos i am still on my diet...Oso dunno wat kind of self-taught diet tis is...even allows me to snack on fattenning curry nuts, haha!

WTF!! I tink he just made fun of me! Bloody incumbus knos very well i no understd Malay...Walked to my seat and said sth i no understd n whole class laughed. Oh well, its gd i have no idea what he was saying anyway or else i would be forced to give him 2 tight slaps & there goes my driving license forever.

Oh well....45 more mins to go..Yay!!!

UseLess

2004-12-29T19:36:00.000+08:00

Notice ever since I haf had wireless broadband, i am logging MUCH much more nowadays? My labby is on like 24hrs a day now keke. N nw i am getting bored cos there is only so much i can do online other than chat, play neopets n rd blogs. Wat can i blog abt if there is nth to say man? Nw i noe y some ppl's blogs look incoherrent...

Been playing Neopets alot lately..grew out of it 3 yrs ago n nw am bk purely cos i am bored. Use Adrian's acc so as to earn more pts for him...Bt i oso dunno y he nds the pts cos he is filthy rich...in the Neopian world tat is. Omg i suck in ALL the games...used to be gd in Destructo-Match bt nw i suck even in tat. Play until headache the pts oso so pathetic.

Feel like i haf been dealt a blow...dunno y. Feel rather useless...Nt only cos of Neopets..Bt just nw i wanted to strike out some of my wishes n wants in my blog...n i realised tat i dunno hw to do even tat...Nvm...so went to ask Rene (my master/guru)..n she taught me step by step. Until it couldnt get any easier..

N i still can screw it up...added the stuff she told me to add n ended up that entire section was all striked out...Also dunno wat the hell went wrg...So in the end i deleted those tat i din want. SSigh...do i feel useless or wat...i dun even feel idiotic or stupid..its sth worse than tat cos even an idiot cld follow instructions.

WAT is WRONG wif Me??

Can't even pig out nw tat i am depressed cos i pigged out last nite...Had to give my granny face n eat a full dinner...plus snacked on all the junk in the hse. So nw supposed to be on a diet til new yr eve...God Bless Me.

On the brighter side..i haf gotten my australian visa, haha!! Just booked the air tickets to Perth n back for my mom n me...Going on 17 Feb 2005 morning flight..Nearly couldnt get it cos yesterday my mom checked n they said tat wk all booked...Ended up both of us in a screaming match, which i naturally lost of cos..

So peeps in Perth...take note of the date k!! Will be arriving in Perth during noon tat day...Wanna c posters n banners (preferably wif a flattering pic of me) waving madly to welcome me when i glide dwn the arrival hall k....

Tml got to attend tis stupid tyre changing course in order for me to learn hw to drive...I hope he doesnt want a personal demonstration...815 driving tutor coming to pick me up to the centre...lucky only 3 hrs..Sian..gotta think of wat to bring to occupy myself for 3 hrs

Tml parents n granny going to Kluang for a night so me n bro left at hm wif maid...KJ acting funny nowadays n ever since we had broadband..Nw both of us online all the time...He playing his friendster (wat is there to play wif frenster man?), icq, msn etc...Ever since he got bk frm KL he has been hogging the phone all the time...Tink he has a gf or at least is after someone..Locks himself in the room most of the time if he is not online, tat is..

Actualli, i am nt realli too concerned cos at his age my sis was already dating...Bt my mom is freaking out...'He so young, wat r/s? He shld be studying!!' and 'Ur portion of the phone bills so high already, plus he kp calling...i dun care, if it gets too high u 2 pay everything!!'... Kp screaming these 2 phrases to me...When did it ever become MY fault?

Damn...

But nevertheless am in a slightly better mood nw wif caihui trying to cajole me haha...She is nt doing a gd job bt better than nth haha...Oh yeah, accomodation is settled in Aunt Janet's hse liao, yay!! Had 2nd tots n wanted to stay in hostel wif caihui but after much consideration...i tink i prefer to haf my own bathroom, my choice of food n more allowance leftover for my use...In the end, money considerations is an extremely impt factor, sigh. Heck, dun care if i gotta take 2 buses to rch sch...so be it.

hahahaha

2004-12-28T14:30:00.000+08:00

AHAHAHAHAHA.....

tralalalalala....We haf finally upgraded ourselves into current civilisation stds and gotten ourselves broadband!! Whole hse is wireless...according to my labby's detection (comp man finally configured my labby to the router), the dining rm has EXCELLENT signal, haha!

Past few wks we kept meeting wif problems...the router's rays were giving us all bloody headaches...and ancient office computer's RAM was so low it kept hanging (which defeats the purpose of having broadband dun u think?)..

Anyway i am happy haha..went to KL wif caihui for some shopping...bought ANOTHER pair of my 593s...bt in order to prevent it frm being banished into the cupboard to collect dust...caihui says i gotta maintain my figure...So til nw i am gleefully blaming her for tempting me to buy the jeans n wailing at her after every meal we haf together, haha! Who ask her to walk into the levi's shop first? Anyway...she spent over 700+ there n it seems it isnt enuf...says she wanna go next jan or sth...

Granny (dad side) is here n i love her so much!! I alwiz cry whenever i hafta leave or she has to...she is only staying a few days (damn!)...going bk on thurs. Nt fair...y cant she stay longer? Wanted to go into spore to bring her c the orchard xmas decor n lights yesterday bt there was such a terrible jam (bloody kiasu sporeans who kp coming in n clogging up the whole place*) we gave up.

Xmas eve n the day itself were fine..wanted a quiet peacful xmas n i had it. Went dwn to orchard for 2 consecutive days before xmas n it felt like the whole of spore was crammed into the streets...Those 2 days of shoving n being squeezed half to death were enuf to kill any xmas spirit left inside me..Watched a movie wif caihui, jovin n liting on xmas eve...Caihui DIE oso wanted to watch the new stephen chow movie (shld haf let her just die huh haha)...tink its kungfu hustle or sth...Overall nt as bad as i expected it to be bt nevertheless very crappy. Jovin lost her wallet in the cinema bt by then we were already bk in her hse.

Hmm...wat else? Polished off half a chocolate log cake (deliciously sinful bt coffee bean's is still da best!), painted toe nails, gave caihui a makeover (wat can i say man? tat gal is a hidden unleashed beauty!!! I'll nominate her for miss spore 2005 if i could), gossiped etc etc. Oh yeah had lunch wif ying n liting too on the eve. My xmas gifts were all water-related..Gt a cup n a water bottle. Cant believe jovin n caihui din get mine!! I even baked cookies for them!! (which they ungraciously n reluctantly agreed to eat)the nerve of those 2 gals...Bt the gd side is I am having fun mentioning tat n making caihui feel guilty haha.

Update...Rene can kp counting...but minus off 3 days or so...cos there was a small misunderstding which quickly escalated into an enormous assumption and lots of tears (all frm my side)...but in the end all was well.. misunderstding cleared...tears turned to laughter n we kiSSed n made up, haha!

So i am back to being my glorious, happily in love self again...
Aaaah...Life is GrrreaT!!!
(Continue sobbing...u poor troubled mortals, all weighed down wif life trials n tribulations..HAHA!)

Man i Sound like a Stewardess!

2004-12-17T01:01:00.000+08:00

I sound like an air stewardess. Serious. At least in most of my conversations it shows.
(My looks nt so bad wan la. Air Asia air stewardess i still can make it)

Example of typical conversation:
Friend: So how haf u been, Stef?
Me: Fine. Busy lately though.
Friend: Why?Wif wrk?
Me: I wish. Just gt bk frm Thailand. Tomorrow will be flying to KL. b4 tat flew to Philippines.
Boy am i sick of flying. Wanna start school soon!
(scene abruptly ends as friend cannot ctrl sudden burst of anger n tries to strangle poor Stef)

Ha! Anyway, the only reason y i am blogging nw n nt slping my ass off is cos i wanna try out the newly subscribed (n just arrived) broadband svc. Yup u got it right....i haf broadband AT LAST!!! Congratulations n Celebrations! No more waiting til the cows come hm for a webpg to dl finish! Nw if only they will install my labtop wif tis svc asap n i promise (fingers crossed) i will blog faithfully. At least twice a wk la.

Btw, i am really going to KL tml morning. Caihui wants to shop badly so i am the tour guide cum chaperone. Sitting Dad's car. Hope i get loads of bargains bk k?Although after Chinatown n Thailand, KL doesnt look so cheap anymore. Met up wif Caihui n Jovin last Sat for dinner n drinks n lotsa gossips. IT WAS SO FUN! I mean, i dun c these gals for mths n once we meet we kp wondering to ourselves y on earth we dun do tis type of gatherings more often. Lemme tell u...wif them as ur galfrens, u dun nd a man!

Anyway, we r celebrating (rd: slpin our asses off n pigging on log cake) xmas together. All 3 of us crashing in Jovin's hse cos her parents r away n she nds to jaga the hse. We all intend to slp like pigs wat so mite as well do it together. Tats hw closely knitted we r, ha! Ying wants to haf a PEACEFUL xmas tis time rnd so i figure i betta nt bother her...n her bf...n their rendevous together...keke.

Adrian n me still together. Still blissfully happy, at least i am. Nt the 'sickeningly sweet wif soppy smiles all rolled into one' kind of happy, thank goodness. Bt at least nt fighting or crying so i consider myself happy n contented keke. Rene, u can cont counting n tracking the days k keke....Went dwn to Chinatown wif his parents today. Wanted to c for myself hw cheap the stuff there realli was.

Conclusion is...
IT IS FREAKING CHEAP!!!

Auntie, i am continuously impressed wif the kind of bargains u can find in Singapore. Bags, brooches, jewellery, super nice n elegant hair pieces, etc etc etc...all 3 for $10!! Where to find? In the end i lugged 2 big plastic bags hm...had to leave my poor yoga mat in their hse first cos no hand to carry...i bought 10 bags. 10 bags!!! Of cos, all on behalf of my mom, lest u ppl think i am either 1) super-crazy or/and 2) super-rich. Even she was impressed. The bags i bought all look above $25 ok! Lest hordes of ppl wanna cheong dwn to buy, i shall not reveal wat shop n where its exact location is. Oh yeah, i bought a denim skirt there for less than $3.50...

Ha! Ha! Ha! So sue me... i am one happy gal rite nw. $3.50 ok!!! even thailand didnt haf such bargains...Anyway, cos we overshot our time there, naturally...i rushed bk n went straight (no time even to go toilet) for aerobics classes.When i rched the class, i was sweating more than the instructor..Which makes me wonder y i die oso must go for wrkouts even though i am hardpressed for time. Habit i am trying hard to upkeep i guess. Bottom line is..am freaking tired nw.

Just pray n hope that i can continue wif tis kind of zeal in going for exercises when i am in Perth. Adrian has said tat on NO ACCOUNT must i return to Spore/Msia fat during hols. Superficial (n therefore is a bloody pig n nds to be beaten up n taught a lesson abt loving one's body irregardless)? Yes.
For my own good (as in self confidence n health reason etc etc)? YES! Over my dead body will i wanna gain wt in Perth. Rene n co, r u all listening? dun u all dare feed me wif those tempting cakes/bread.ice cream/chocolate/massive helpings of chinese food etc ok?

Will continue. Tink i am getting carried away...Pray i haf more (interesting) things to blog after my trip from KL k....

1st day - Thailand trip

2004-12-10T00:15:00.000+08:00

Day 1 of Thailand trip

Disclaimer clause: Angry pig on the runway. Expect a huge bitch fit.

Technically speaking, i am already in day 2 of tis Thailand trip as we haf STILL nt touched dwn at bangkok YET. Its past midnite n everyone is stuck shivering in an exceedingly cramped airplane.

4 hours. Bloody flight was delayed by 4 hrs. We were stuck in the pathetic (beyond description) domestic Senai airport for 5 hrs. There was NTH to do except sit in a cafeteria nursing our over-priced drinks.

I'm nv sitting AirAsia, or for tat matter, any budget airlines again. Short-haul trips r fine wif me bt nth longer than 2 hrs. The money saved frm flying wif these cheapo airlines r nt worth the delays, hassles n poor attitudes we had to encounter.

Anyone ever sit AirAsia b4? The airplane is extremely cramped (like 32-seater bus lidat).Walkway in aircraft is so small a trolley cant squeeze thru it. Throughout the whole flight, we kept hearing those weird noises emitting frm the aircraft. Sounded like engine failing n gonna crash anytime. Only thing wrking too well for its own gd was the airconditioning.

N when they said frills-free they really meant it in all senses of the word. Seemed like budget airline didnt include the perks of having flight attendants as well. Thruout the whole flight, i think i only saw the air stewardess twice. Once when she was demonstrating the safety rules, the other when she was going rnd the aisle selling snacks n drinks. U see, they dun come out unless u gonna purchase anything. N whenever i catch sight of them, they got the 'u-owe-them-$$ look on their faces. I have nv been in a situation where my face is actually more friendly and pleasant than those air stewardess.

Enuf of the grousing. Tink i haf vented enuf disatisfaction keke. On the happy side, I am falling deeply in love as time goes by..
(Present Steffi interjects: I noe u all haf by nw understood that i am deeply in love n am sick of me mentioning it again. Just skip tis whole chunk k..Lets continue...) I know i know the last few wks were a damn rough patch. May i nv go thru that again although i am sure there will be similar or worse to come, who am i kidding...Bt we've sorting our differences out and nw our priorities r one another (waves had airily in a nonchalant manner), at least for me, it is. For him it still has to be his parents n i totally understd. In fact i tink even if he nt able to take care i dun mind doing the task. N i am NT buttering up ok. I have nv felt the nd to kiss ppl asses.

1st day of my trip n i miss him so SO SO much already!!! Imagine another wk more to go b4 i c him...ssssigh.

Bro was in a pretty gd mood today. Loosely translates to him being super crappy, sending us into peals of laughter. Of cos it gt to points where he was embarassing. Journey even wif all the delays was agreeable cos he didnt throw his normal tantrum, thank goodness. Usually from wat we have just gone thru, we would haf had hell frm him by nw.

Aaaah, i hear my bed calling me. Beckoning in a sultry, tempting voice actually. Less than 5 hrs to slp, tat is if i can slp at all.Bangkok shopping...here i come to raid ur stores!!! Just the tot of bargaining cheers me up (grins).
(Current Steffi: Of cos as we all know by nw, TAT turned out to be so not true)

2.30 am
1/12/04

Trying to be Conscientious

2004-11-23T23:14:00.000+08:00

Junk Consumed: lost count after 6th helping of sweet potato pie...
Alcohol Units: Wish i could get bloody drunk nw...

Boring. Boring. Boring.

And I said tis would be a hell of a wk. Still end up freaking bored. Not in a cheery mood right now. Communication breakdown wif Adrian recently. Said nasty things n regretted them. Bt i cant help feeling that way wat! Ok i guess i am nt making sense here. I cant put hw i feel into words right now, just feel doubtful. Abt wat i oso dunno.

Damnit. Damnit. DAMNIT!!!! Tis is a fucking bad n terrible feeling. Our periods of silences haf lapsed into lengthy ones. He just said he is disappointed in mE. dUn even know wat to say abt tat. Kinda like trying to grope my way out of darkness right now. Feel so blardy upset nw. Bad fight, bad fight. Terrible words being shooted at. War zone War zone. Drowning, drowning.

Help, help!!!

Man, Time Realli Flies!

2004-11-21T23:37:00.000+08:00

Boy does time realli flies!! Wonder where those minutes n seconds have all gone to...most likely straight to my face..

there..anybody sees it?use a magnifying glass la!! I got 2 fine lines of wrinkles on my forehead!!!!

I know. I am hyper...Ta-dah!! Aint u glad the real Steffi has risen frm her grave?! I know, the amt of time tat i haf been gone, u would haf tot i died. I cant believe its been 2 wks since i last logged on! Just gt bk frm Spore...church camp after church camp....went to Sentosa...nth much to say abt that place cos
1) i didnt enjoy it
2) had major pms n henceforth depressed ALL the time.

For all those ignoramus tat didnt noe, i gt bk frm philippines. Went on a medical mission trip to a small island called Palawan. Didnt haf any medical knowledge so took on the task as a pharmacist. It was a very fruitful trip for me. I felt so spiritually motivated that i could help the locals over there.Bt it was physically & emotionally exhausting . When i 1st gt bk hm frm there, i sorta had withdrawal symptoms. Couldnt get used to my comfortable environment at hm n kept crying, thinking of all the poor, lost souls over there. It lasted only a wk...after tat i went bk to the old, egoistic, self-centred Steffi, keke.

Ok...so wat else is new?hmmm....went to watch mamma mia! at the esplanade 2 wks ago. Tat abba musical is a jewel!!! Damn nice. Pity the tickets were rather steep though. The aussie guys were gorgeous. I hope i meet more of those type of guys in perth, hehe. Clara would go mad over there.

Had another major shopping spree (wat else is new?)...erm bought lingerie, my 2nd pair of levi's jeans (haha u can strike it off my wishlist liao, Rene), n 3 tops. Didnt spend ALOT, happy tat i practised self-restraint tis time rnd...will wrk harder so i can buy more stuff when i go to bangkok....teehee.

Oh yeah, my star student upped his classes wif me til 4 times a wk...Cos he is on hols n moving into the hostel on 28th dec...tink he is desperate to improve his eng by then hence the unbelievably intensive revision. I feel so sorry for him. Bt once i tot of the extra money coming in, all pity vanished keke.

No time for gym nowadays cos everything is piled up. Haf been going for yoga classes for the past few wks. So rite nw i wrk out at least 3 times a wk...Plus if i still feel it isnt enuf den i practice my yoga positions (i only know 1) n play wif my hoola-hoop. Dad just begged me to get a yoga mat cos he said he was sick of seeing me virtually 'licking' the floor all the time when i do yoga. Feel like i am turning into a health freak...bt my efforts haf paid off in a mini way cos eric said i look different...hmmm, bt he alwiz haf had nice things to say keke. Bought a 2-pc swim suit too...in pink...i love it haha. Of cos haven been so conscientious these few days cos having my period, so haf been eating all the junk i want n too lazy to exercise.

Been baking alot of cookies lately. No money to get ppl bdae presents so wat i do is i bake them cookies (though inedible) as presents. Cheap but thoughtful. Usually they r touched by my efforts haha. My specialty is chocolate chip cookies...actualli quite yummy if i shld say so myself...just a tad too sweet. Gt to bake another batch tis wk cos its Jerome's bdae..dunno him realli well so cookies would do keke.

Tis wk is another shitty wk cos i gt tuition everyday except tues. Bt tues gt ladies class, shit. Den its Jerome's bdae on thurs so fri mtg up for dinner plus must make cookies in advance n fri gotta go in after tuition wif mom to settle my bond deferment stuff n adrian coming in on sat damn damn damn i am so busy i dun even haf time to punctuate my sentences

muahahahahaha....

Oh yeah...am taking driving theory test on thurs. Finally got to getting it done. Driving instructor sounded pissed when i called him...Am so excited!!!! Haven started studying yet...scared will fail cos i am a complete klutz when it comes to motor skills.Bt have given up the idea of having a car in perth cos i calculated tat if i get one, i will be stretched rather thin. So might as well haf more money for rainy days n my fave foods keke. Plus i intend to set aside some money mthly to donate to needy preachers in philippines or somewhere else where mission wrk is greater.

Listen to me...i sound like a saint...NOT.

Haf had a sudden brainwave...I shall try to log on everyday n treat my blog as a food diary!!! Anyone read bridget jones?!!! Every entry starts off wif
1)food consumed
2)units of alcohol consumed
3)number of ciggies consumed

cool!!! mabbi TAT can kp my appetite in check...the things i gotta resort to... Oooh look at the time....past my bedtime liao...gotta go wash up...ciao guys

Ok i AM soRRy!!

2004-11-08T23:01:00.000+08:00

Ladies n Gentlemen,

After countless complaints (actualli only one) of tis blogsite looking like its gonna end up defunct, May i formally apologise for not being able to update my blog for ages.

SORRY
SORRY
SORRY
(repeat urself 100 times)

Haf had no time lately, everything is piling up. MOE refuses (can u believe their nerve?i am PAYING them!) to contact me...and as long as they dun contact me to tell me hw much i gotta pay them..i cant apply for my student visa...Wat if i dun get it in time n cant go over to Perth?

WAAAAAAAAH!!!!

Anyway, i got bk frm Philippines already..the medical mission was great but as time is real short (i am STILL researching n trying to comprehend Psalms 37) i am nt able to give juicy details...nt tat anything worldy exciting happen ok...

Darn....those aunties alwiz like to push bible study to me...wait til i am gone... Hmmph! Last min trying to get together a vague, passable commentary on psalms...PSALMS!! Who knows anything abt it? Its so...confusing! Talk abt toking in circles...driving me nuts...Dunno wat time i can slp tonight again. Tml still gt yoga class..mY BUTT IS gonna hurt again, sigh..

adrian is turning me into a health freak soon (too bad, i was born wif a pig's mentality n attitude....ggggrunt! Haha!)...getting stressed out by him.Bt he DID say the sweeeetest thing just nw when i called heehee...Dunno if he says tat all the time to all gals,but it SOUNDED sincere...no pt me getting all doubtful right...sigh.

In a gd mood nw, heehee...annoyingly sickeningly sweet mood....feel so in lurrve haha!May tis bubbly feel-gd mood infect all of u moody, cranky people out there...

WORLD PEACE!!
(i noe...so Miss Universe right...)

YAY!!

2004-10-15T16:38:00.000+08:00

PEOPLE!!!

CHeck out the way coool cursor with hearts n kisses floating all around, haahaaa!!

It's soooo.....ME! aIN't it lovable? I'm not saying me of cos...

Many many thaanks (with as much sincerity as i can muster frm the bottom of my heart...hell make that all over me) to the many ppl who have helped in one way or another. From what i hear, i take it Rene roped alot of ppl in...

To Rene, David, Ken n Elinna ... i'm eternally grateful though tis does sound cheesy n a wee bit exaggerated. Nevertheless i'll repay u guys by baking my famous sweet potato pie for all to sample when i get over to perth, hehe.

2004-10-13T20:31:00.000+08:00

Heya!!

Check out my new updated revamped blog!!

Dun mind my bragging, but it looks really sweet...all thanks to Rene of cos. nOe wat, gal, u shouldnt study...its such a waste...go get a job in Microsoft or sth n make big bucks, hehe. I dunno, but i tink its really me tat has her head under the largest rock on earth (it must be large, right,the rock...or else hw to cover my fat ass?). Its like i suddenly wake up n find out that i noe nuts abt anything remotely IT or gotta do wif the Internet. Not like i hate missing out on it or anything of cos hehe. She's gonna change the cursor to hearts n kisses, YAY!! Check tat out den...it looks so....bimbo!

Where was i the last time rnd?Oh yeah...updates. Bt my mood nw is pissed again. Tot i cld get my blog done by today cos my parents went out for the whole day so i'm left in peace wif NO-one nagging nonstop. Bt nw they r bk n my mom's nagging worse than ever . Asking me to move my labby away, they nd to do wrk (its after office hrs!), cutting off my labby power (!!! i was dling n chatting halfway n its all gone!) etc... Find tat lately i'm alwiz getting irritated at my mom..she doesnt noe HW to stop her nagging. One time is enuf, y repeat it another 50? Nwadays once i see her open her mouth to start on sth i immediately switch off. Which results in me getting real lazy n bo chup.

Nw i am pissed all over again n dun feel like blogging already..damn damn damn! Dunno y but we kp arguing over $$ lately. Its like every $ she forks out for me i must fully utilize. i'M nt saying i shld waste their hard-earned $$..bt hw many times can u go to gym n aerobics classes b4 u start sufferring frm muscle cramps? Its bad enuf i go almost everyday, she nds me to go twice a day?I was born a pig!! N it alwiz ends wif her threatening me wif 'next time u pay urself!'...Wat the...Can spend so much $$ on skincare n facials, doesnt wanna pay an extra 20bucks for me to use the gym...Aaah...forget it.

Oh yeah, updates...

Ok other than she driving me crazy over her naggin n $$ issues, i been pampering myself lately wif regular trips to a newly-opened wellness n spa centre near my hse. Going for facial tis wk, haha. My mom has been real encouraging cos i'm like the guinea pig. I go for it (wif my own $$ of cos) n if its gd she'll try it out. So far, i had my first massage there..oooh...its ssshhhiok!!!

Lately into a fitness craze. I did consider going for those toning treatments offered by slimming centres but its so exp!! I figure the cheapest way is to put in loads of hard wrk b4 i can get my body toned; so have to start nw. Been going for aerobics classes for 3 wks already. Overslept today so i missed classes. So far i go there twice a wk, hope to up it to 3 times a wk. Beginning next mth i'll go for 3 times aerobics n alternate days will be gym session. Told Thomas (aerobic instructor) like it or not he'll be seeing me everyday haha. I dun suspect, i so know he's gay. Bt tats none of my business n i like him as he is though sometimes wif his built n stern face he scares the hell out of me haha. Everyone just pray i dun gif tis enthusiasm up til next feb k...although i already feel it waning hehe.

Met up wif aUNT jAnet n Nadia last friday wif my parents n kahoo. They were in spore for 2 wks b4 flying bk to perth. Ate at Lot 1, CCK...i go there like every wk to mt adrian so i know all the stores by heart. Nadia n i left the adults n kahoo to talk abt ...adult matters...while she did some last-min shopping. Man, i'm so impressed. Here's someone better than i am in shopping n she's only 16! Spent $700, can u imagine...Anyway we took photo stickers!! I was so happy cos i been pestering ppl to take wif me n none of them wanted to. Idiots.. It was a nice pic...cant scan it in, too bad.

Anyway, impt thing is...Aunt Janet offered to rent a rm out to me when i'm studying in Perth!!

There's hope for me after all!! U noe hw much money i'll save if i go for hmstay?$1oo+ a wk!! All for my own usage haha. I can finally visualize my 2nd-hand car when i'm over there. I asked if i can share the rm wif caihui n she said its ok though i must consider if i can stay wif someone else since i been staying alone all along. Nt sure if i can bt caihui n i will wrk it out. She jumped at the offer when i told her too. *Grinz* PERTH!! Here i come!!

Will be going over to Phillippines for a medical mission trip next fri, coming bk only on 29th oct. Then 30th Oct i gotta sing at Uncle Kum Kay's wedding.. Haven been practising my pieces, oh dear. I hope i dun come bk frm Phillippines sick or wif sore throat. Tats wat i'm worried abt now cos the village we r going has high-risk prob of malaria infection. I might,die..gasp! But i will nv gif up the chance of going cos i been wanting to go on a community svc trip for such a long time. If i have to die for that, so be it...

sigh...i sound so brave...actually inside me knees shaking n all...hahaha.

Oh yeah...2 sundays ago (3/1o) i got attacked by someone i trusted wif my life. One of my buddies. Left tis vital bit of info to the last cos i know once i start i wun stop cos i kp cursing n swearing abt that f***er. N also cos i dunwanna tok abt it, still nd time to get over it. I dunno lah...all i know is eric n ying that gang r thinking of hiring somebody to kill him or beat him up. I know they r planning sth, they just wun tell me..kp asking me to trust them n leave everything to them. Sometimes i feel like i caused them all this unnecessary trouble...sigh. Ever since tat happen my world has become bleaker. So afraid to trust anybody except mabbi eric, ying n adrian. Btw, eric was the one who came to my rescue that fateful night, thank god for him still being awake at 4plus in the morning. Or else....i dun even wanna know..*shudder*.

There..i guess i've blogged enuf to make up for the past 2 wks of MIA..going out wif jovin on fri cos she has r/s problems. We nd to mt up for a chat. Am praying that i can stick to my fruits-n-veggies diet til sun cos i'll be damned if i dun get my levis tis sun. Feel like a pig nwadays cos i kp pigging out on junk food. OD on haagen dazs for the past wk...nw am so sick of it. Spent too much $$ on stuff i didnt nd yesterday (tis the 1st time i'm admitting tat)...i look at the small bobbi brown paper bag tat set me bk nearly $200 n my heart breaks. So mabbi my jeans tis wk oso gone already..

DamndamnDamn!!!

Will exert self-restraint n control next time rnd.

To be repeated 100 times.

P.S: Did u noe i took 2 hrs to write tat?gawd...

Long Time No See...

2004-10-10T18:19:00.000+08:00

HuLLo...

Ok i am SORRY for disappearing under my rock for such a short time. Truth is alot of things have happened, most of which i am fast forgetting. Bcos i haf so little time now, here r some one-liner happenings that occured last 2 weeks. I'll write abt them when i haf more time...at least i will remember them the next time rnd hehe.

1) 3/10 - Gt Attacked! (omg...)
2) Aerobics have started for 2 wks...updates on my current fitness craze. Gotta get toned up 4 Aus!!
3) Mom is crazy dragging me to a wellness centre lately.I've been a guinea pig for most of their advertised treatments.
4) Aunt Janet mt-up - her kind offer.Hmm...
5) aDRiAn - Gt nth to say :P
6) Wedding (nt mine!) n Phillippines trip coming up!Stress..

Ok i get it they are all abit vague...esp the first one which i can write a 5000-word blog abt (wif loads of expletives thrown in). I'll do it up asap..gotta tummyache...gotta run again. Pig Adrian fed me so much stuffed crust pizza today the seams r bursting in my jeans. There goes my Levi's for another wk, sigh.

I wish all molesters, rapists n anybody harbouring ill/evil/ undesirable intentions towards children or women to get AIDS, rot in hell, be struck wif testicle/prostrate; or get raped/molested themselves. (On the other hand, they may actually LIKE it..hmm.)

BeLLa

OucH!!

2004-09-28T22:40:00.000+08:00

Due to greedy me consuming too much nuts last wk, i haf developed 2 massive ulcers in my mouth...It pains me just to smile so nowadays i go ard in a haughty n sulky face. As suspected, the whole of last wk was so bleak n miserable cos i was having PMS. Nw i am in my usual jolly gd mood hehe. Oh yeah before i forget...

HaPPy BiRtHdAy, ReNe!!!!

This blog is dedicated just for u as my birthday present for now since i am not able to give u ur gift until next feb hehe. Just remember to remind me k...

Got dragged out of bed at 9 tis morning by my kiasu parents to Metrojaya (departmental store). I didnt even know it opened so early. N for wat? To eat free breakfast, which consisted of noodles wif nth except chilli n some sandwiches. Seemed like it was the store's anniversary n they were having the first day of their sale opened only to privileged members. Gd sales gimmick i tell u.Their sales must haf soared after all those customers ate their breakfast cos they felt more or less obliged to buy sth, anything in fact. I think just based on my mom's sales today, they must haf recouped their catering expenditure. No kidding. She spent over 800bucks today. Broke her previous record man.

Mom is so susceptible to those skincare promotional gimmicks...sigh. Frm trying to reach the $400 mark just to get a free additional 8-pc gift set from Lancome, she kept topping up with more n more purchases until she spent over 800bucks in the end. Unbelievable! Nt tat i am complaining though cos wif all the freebies they threw in, i reserved for myself some goodies hehe. Btw, i tend to get super hyper n excited whenever i go shopping n spend money or someone around me does...was literally jumping up n down in the departmental store. Usually when tat happens i tend to scare the hell out of ppl ard me. I know i know, its a dangerous habit...After spending so much, she could actually complain abt how exp my ice blended cost...come on, mom! U could buy like 80+ cups of ice blended man wif the amt u spent...

Anyway, imagine how much money the skincare n makeup industry makes from all those aunties/women/housewives like my mom?Gazillions n billions of dollars!! Even someone as prudent as my mom (used to be prudent, at least) can fall under their spell n spend so freely. Anyway, i so admire Daddy. He can sit n watch Mom get item after item that he deems unnecessary n superficial, without suffering a massive heart attack. I think its cos he was sitting down at that time, so the cushion sorta prevented him frm keeling over, haha. The real sweet thing that he said was ' Well, ur mom deserves it'. Man! My criteria for future husband must definitely include him saying tis phrase after we r married haha. Meanwhile, i will settle for Daddy saying that first...So, Dad, eh?

On a more spiritual basis, (since i find i have been so materialistic n superficial frm the beginning of tis entry),i went for ladies class today. It is a joy to watch Auntie Moy Chee teach Ladies Class.Especially when u see her sing n speak on God's Word; u feel really inspired cos u see a living example of someone who really loves and brings God into her life. She is so prayerful n thankful of every small thing that happens in her life! Everytime i see her, she reminds me of how much i take God for granted; and how inadequate i am as a Christian.

Enough of that short but startling revelation...(gasp!Steffi is actually spiritually inclined!! OMG!!!)..Anyway we r baking buns next Tues for ladies class....yay!! I intend to go in an empty stomach haha. Can't wait to bake some for special ppl i wanna give to...Gives a gd impression, eh?I can actualli cook (albeit wif loads of help..actualli i just look on only)... unbelievable!! Rene, u want some? I can bake u a belated birthday loaf of bread, haha!Ciao...

I kept my promise!!

2004-09-26T18:45:00.000+08:00

Y am i blogging at this obscene hour when most normal ppl would be out or lazing anywhere else other than in front of the comp? (notice i said normal)Cos i feel obligated to keep my promise to Rene that i will post an entry by tonight. An official thaaanks to Rene n cousin who helped to re-do the alignment of my blog (which involved many confusing steps; none of which i understood).
Anyway i thought up of loads of stuff to blab abt for the past few days but since i haf tis nasty habit of NOT writing my random thoughts down on paper, nw when it comes to actually giving input, i find i my brain all jammed up.Hence this entry (i suspect) my mostly consist of incoherent babbling.

I dunno if its my PMS tis past whole wk or stuff, but i kept crying n getting irritated. I even cry during Singapore Idol!! The last episode featured the contest's 'Unsung Heroes', which comprised of ppl who were worse-off than william hung; had speech defect problems or were hearing impaired but took part in it to prove themselves; or had real talent but dunno why got booted out of the top 30 contestants.Cried throughout that show when i was actually supposed to be laughing like hell at those william hung-wannabes.

Mom drove me nuts this whole wk cos she kept nagging over issue after issue non-stop. Hate it when ppl nag n nag without even breathing!Bt cos i haf tons of patience cULTIvated from years of practice living under the same roof together, i haven reallt erupted yet. YET. Rene, i bet u can totally relate to this,gal.

The air-con workers came to install the new aircons in my living room n dining room. I asked my dad if he just struck lottery like Eric's dad.duN Get why they need so many aircons in 1 hse. Its not like, damn hot the whole day wat. Might as well get one in the store room n kitchen while we r at it. The most ironical part is while they r getting new aircons for the house, our computers r like more than 5 yrs old at least. N f***ed up with loads of virus. So how come i dun see them changing brand new PCs too?bT I MAnaged to make that pt actoss to mom.

Had a 10-course dinner last night. aS mentioned earlier, eric's dad had some extra cash so decided to give a treat. Wanted to bring us to Ponggol seafood restaurant. Yahoo!!It is real famous n the food is absolutely scrumptious. In other words, i reallli wanted to eat there. So i braved the winds n battled the downpour to get to his house soaked to my skin. After much delaying we finally got our asses there. To find out that the restaurant had moved a few days ago n in its place was this lousy thai-chinese restaurant. I dun believe it. When i finally get to eat that famous restaurant, they must move out!!It was still there last week! To make it worse, the food i ate at the thai-chi restaurant was horrible. To think i skipped a family get-together at home for this...

Period just came n all i am thinking of at the moment is devouring cheesecake wif Ben&Jerry's ice-cream...*Smaaaaaaacks* Oh God i wish this kind of sinful illusion would stop.Rene, i hate to admit this...but even I know that if i blog incoherently, my blog reads shittily. I feel i ought to stop. Any more ramblings n the std of this blog will be pulled down altogether. Await my next inspired moment...

Ciao BeLLo

ShOuLd OnE wAtCh the TeRmInAl?

2004-09-25T03:20:00.000+08:00

ok, i admit that this entry's title is solely for Rene's benefit..initially wanted to name it "tHeRe GoEs My SiZe 27..." but deemed it too superficial and self-indulgent. As i have made a resolution to stop obsessing so much abt myself and give more attention to my surroundings and support groups (yeah, rrright), this blog entry will be dedicated to Rene. (Actually, i think all my entries are like read only by her. Anybody else reading this? Pls let me know u exist so i can dedicate my entries to you too...even though they are all about me hehehe).But before i start to comment (personal take on this movie only, have been known to get very biased, especially when it comes to Brad Pitt..) on The Terminal, pls allow me to blab a little on the 'happenings' today. I am that self-centred. No long, dreary entries on r/s problems n stuff lidat, i promise. This will be short n sweet.

Short n sweet
Short n sweet
Short n Sweet

Ok, i realise there's a need for me to shut up now n get on to it. I just can't stop crapping, sorry. If you haven't already guessed it, yesh, i am high right now hahaha.

Anyway, today went to listen to an 8-hr compulsory basic theory talk. I'm finally taking my first step in getting my driving license!!! I know, long way to go but dun spoil my exuberant mood k..It was damn damn boring man. The whole thing took 8 hrs n everything was in malay, even the forms that we had to fill up. I had to ask the guy beside me what each blank meant. Lucky i met this guy Mark (no, i dun mean anything!! Just platonic!! I am not that guy-crazy) who was sorta in the same boat as i was. Both study in Spore, not that fluent in Malay (i noe nuts), plus he speaks English without that local accent. We felt rather out of place there cos everyone was so much younger n we were the only ones who didnt look n speak like locals. So we sorta stuck wif each other thruout the day, snacking nonstop.I ate 3 big packets of nuts, it was that bad. Cos i didnt know wat the hell he was talking abt...

Ok, abt The Terminal. It's a romantic movie. Very nice n touching. But i watched it for Tom Hanks. He always plays this nice bumbling guy, ya noe like his Forrest Gump character. So this time he is like Forrest Gump, albeit wif a funny accent. I caught this movie cos of Tom Hanks. N i must say he's really good wif that kind of character. I think he is the only guy in Hollywood who gets lead roles although he's old, balding, has a tummy, n has no looks watsoever. If he doesnt have talent i dunno hw he could haf survived in Hollywood. Now, Catherine Zeta Jones i cant say much. Cos her role didnt really require much portrayal of the depth of acting skills she possessed. She was a flight attendant in that movie so all they gotta do is act bimbo n cry la. In short, she was a form of decoration. But anyway i felt her character was real stupid. Got involved wif a married guy for 7 yrs, finally broke it off, falls for good guy Tom Hanks, but got back with that married asshole. Siao. Am i spoiling tis for anyone by revealing too much?

In conclusion, if u go for romantic movies right, den u may be disappointed cos wat really came across in this movie was more the portrayal of Tom Hanks' goody-goody character. The ending would not satisfy those hard-core romantics. It was a logical n practical ending. But if u catch it to see Tom Hanks n u like nice fumbly bumbly (r there such words?) good guys, den its worth it. But knowing u Rene, I think it won't hurt to catch it. Just tell me what u thought of it later.

But there was one thing i noticed about the reaction to the movie. All my he-friends who watched it said CatheriNE zETa Jones was a bitch. Just cos she was involved wif a married man n chose to stay wif him. Granted she's an idiot la but y condemn her?I dun get their reactions to it cos they were like so agitated onthat. I think guys have no respect for ladies who are 3rd parties in marriages. Granted that they are not supposed to do that, but for them, wats wrg wif getting wat u want?Some may have had a hard life n just wanna seek comfort at the end. Some (worse still) could have fallen head over heels wif this supposedly single guy (tat bastard) only to find he was married. Some women, once they fall in love, finds it hard to brk off the r/s..esp if the guy kps calling to grovel at her feet. Wanna blame pls blame those married guys ok?If they had kept their hands to themselves n not even get involved in the 1st place, even if it was the lady who throws herself at him (den i will call her bitch), he can just resist n reject her. Men usually will try to if they still gif a shit abt where their marriages r heading.

Think about it. Ciao

Blew the detox away!

2004-09-19T14:30:00.000+08:00

should have known...that good things never last, sigh. After the detox was over i was so happy cos i could finally eat all my favourite food (read: junk) again. U know wat happy ppl do right? Yup! They eat...so now i find myself (just after 3 days of it ending) FAT again. Stomach totally regained. Before Rene asks me to shut up cos she doesnt want me moaning abt being fat for this whole blog, i must remind all readers that: 1) Most girls complain that they r fat, even the skinny ones. But for them i especially like to bash them up 2) I really did gain weight so i can theoretically n technically moan abt it cos i haf PROOF tat i gained weight. 3) (N the most impt reason) Its my bloody blog n i can complain abt anything n for as long as i want as long as I am happy. sO there.

Anyway i am kinda sick of feeling sorry abt myself cos it was my fault for putting on wt in the first place so i am gonna shut up. But cos i so desperately need to maintain my weight (n legs) until at least Oct (i haf a gd reason, believe me) i am resorting to going bk to the detox eating habits til after Oct. That is also why i pigged out today cos i dun wanna feel deprived while i am bk at it again. Wish me luck will ya?Anyway, past few days haf been fulfilling n tiring. Haven been having my daily 8-10 hrs of slp lately. I look like tare panda. Esp alike are the big butts, sleeping positions n eyebags. Been real busy cos i kept going out non-stop frm thurs til today, haha. I am not gonna complain abt that.

So here r the details...Thurs met up wif Jiansheng in the morning so that he cld bring me to NTU to visit Caihui n Nicole. NTU is soooo big!!! Bt buildings r mostly drab n dreary. He gave me a brief guide pointing out the faculties one by one but i kept forgetting. Btw, he has lost his tan! His tan was so nice...sigh. Says he has been busy wif gf until got no time to even catch up wif schwrk, not to say activities of less priority like gym n swimming. Put on some weight which made him look much betta. fINally saw his gf (pic only), she is so sweeeet man! Petite n sweet. They look so happy. I told her he shouldnt complain if he has a gf lidat. So there u r, i wish u lovebirds the best.

Anyway, once i saw Caihui n Nicole they kept bombarding me wif qns abt UWA n the accommodation thingy. This went on until the boss had to personally come out n frog-marched the 2 of them bk to wrk. Poor boss, haha. Later went window-shopping ard. Skip the JP part, go straight to Bugis. Been so long since i last been to Bugis. Those frens of mine made me try on the Levi's 593 jeans (at Jiansheng's prodding). Kept claiming that it would slim my hefty thighs. Ok, after trying it on i grudgingly agreed. So now that's my latest goal.Anyone wants to buy me a pair of Levis 593? I'll be eternally grateful to that saviour, hehe. Its so damn expensive. S$150 for a pair of jeans? Granted its perfect, i will still choke to death if i haf to fork out all at one go..Lemme rephrase my plea..Anyone willing to pay for my Levis jeans first?I'll return the sum by installment can?N in return as interest I'll promise to update tis blog weekly hehe. Not like u guys care right, sigh.

This will also explain y i am so desperate to keep my post-detox weight n legs..I could fit into a size 27 Levis!!! Hahaha, i was so happy!! Could nv haf fit into tat before, but now i can. OK,den i could. Now i cant cos i haf been pigging. So detox diet, healthy living, here i am running to embrace u again!! Pls wrk ur miracles one last time. Gotta wait til Oct cos thats when its Adrian's bdae n as he is a levis club member, he gets 25% discount off all jeans,hehe. Discount is my next sought after criteria if i cant get sponsorship for my pair of dream jeans. Over my dead body m i paying 150bucks without finding a bargain.

After meeting Jiansheng they all, left ard evening time to meet Adrian. He was sick,the poor guy. Erratic weather has finally taken the toil on him. Was having a runny nose n snifling alot. Was so worried for him but he insisted on going out to eat, so nice of him. Enuf of gushing alreadi. Rushed bk hm after dinner so we could watch Spore Idol wif his parents. Spent the whole 1 1/2 hrs criticizing the contestants. Been a very long time since i was so enthusiastic abt a reality show. For that rnd, i rooted esp for Sylvester. Not cos he was cute, dun think he is. The malay guy was damn cute!! Everytime someone mentioned him i would squeal (yes, squeal, as in like a pig, squeal) while jumping n pincing the person beside me. Dun ask me how i can do all 3 in a go, i just can when it comes to cute guys.

C, i am distracted all over again. Anyway, i like sylvester cos i tink he looks so cool. Cool is not cute ok? Cool as in i think he has got the Wu Bai rocker attitude. Not really mass appealing, but hey, hw many ppl can haf Wu Bai's attitude man? Plus he sounds like Bon Jovi, no kidding. The Sporean version, albeit.

Went into Spore again on Fri. Didnt slp well on Thurs nite cos Eric had a bad day at wrk i think n he called sounding hysterical. We went into the same old argument n chicken-and-egg questioning that in the end got me worked up too. But i held on n kept soothing him wif advice n kept telling him that i would alwiz be there for him if he ever needs emotional support. He finally calmed down at ard 3; by then i felt so emotionally drained too. Went to school wif the mooncakes grumpy n tired. No amt of mascara could lift my eyes up, looked half dead n extremely pissed. Met Ms Khoo for lunch. She was so nice! Gave me a cool Parker pen. Looks so professional.

Caihui joined us too, having taken half a day off. Later she dragged me to level 9 n the library cos Ms Khoo said that my poster as the gold medallist for BS was finally up. God i looked like shit n was so embarassed when ppl near us saw us (actually only her) gawking at the poster. I hope they nv notice any resemblance. I looked like a geek wif no life (when has a geek had any life?), urrrrgh!Later managed to manipulate Caihui into taking the rest of the day off so we could hang out haha. I am a bad influence but thats cos i am a professional bummer n paid too, hehe.

Went to catch the movie 'The Terminal'. Not bad. Sweet, especially Tom Hanks' character. I love that guy's acting. He has such normal looks, so old liao, even has a belly, not to say a 6-pack stomach; but can still survive in that industry. Amazing. If that is not talent i dunno what is. Met jOvin after the movie...but i only chatted for awhile before i went off to meet Adrian for dinner. Now u noe y i am tired right...running ard all over spore.

gUY had a bad day at work on Fri so had to work overtime. Plus he was still quite sick, so i offered to buy dinner for him n deliver right to his doorstep. I can be sweet too ok?Anyway we chilled out watching cable n eating dinner (me had junk). I prefer doing these kind of stuff over painting the town red all night long. Old already, no energy for that. Funny thing is he was supposed to be sick but ask me to takeaway Long John Silver's fish n chips. Guys,sssigh..they nv learn do they?

Woke up early today (at 6!!) so i could rush bk hm in time to teach tuition at 9. Nv walked so much for such a long time. Bloody sporeans. At least those who r so kiasu they jam up the causeway n bus queues early in the morning. Made me have to walk the Causeway n all the way to City Sq in heels. My legs were aching n had blisters all over by the time i got onto my sis' bf's car. Went for a facial wif my mom n sis. Dunno if u all consider that a girl's outing or wat la but we do tat all the time. Anyway my face still hurts until now. Oooh, i can alwiz remember how painful it was when they extracted the blackheads n pimples. Not going to a facial for a long time.

After tat rushed over to meet Eric cos he came in to get mooncakes. Dunno if i am a guilible or wat but the beautician told me i am beginning to show freckles cos i dun put on adequate sunblock. I was so kan cheong when i heard that!! Alamak wait i end up skin like mom's lidat how?!! Choy!! So when i was in City Sq went ard looking for either anti-freckle cream n sunblock. Bought sunblock. Cost almost 100bucks. Can hear lawyers reading out bankruptcy statement. Dun even dare to tell my mom that i made any purchase today. Let her find out herself...shhhh.

U people must be damn bored man. U practically went thru all the details of these past 3 days haha.I can see rene rolling her eyes now, haha. I know its boring, just felt like being boring old me today. Now lemme take a breathe n face tml...

Has AnyOne trIeD slUgGing OlivE OiL?

2004-09-16T11:18:00.000+08:00

Am so bloated right now, feel like all 4 cups of nasty liquids n water that i drank this morning will be coming out anytime soon. i hope they do. Anyway, i am the ONLY one in my family undergoing the detox thingy that COULDNT get any stones out until now. My dad has been like going to the toilet 3 times in a row n he passed out so many stones he can string a necklace wif them.To all readers, please take note that if u r the easily grossed out kind or can't stand ppl analyzing shit before u have ur meals, STOP READING NOW. I repeat, STOP READING!! Skip this blog puhleeze. Else i wun be responsible for sudden loss of appetite or vomit all over urself. Ppl just wun learn will they? I can smell vomit from here, sigh.

As i was saying, it's so unfair!! I was the strictest follower amg all 3 of us n ate the least without breaking any of the rules in the program. Well, at least almost all the rules la. Dun count in the french fries i ate last saturday cos of my weak will n the fact that Adrian was waving them right in front of me. Anyway i made up for it hor. I ate less rice, swore off those nuts (the only fats that kept me going) n fish ok? So i should get rewarded by at least seeing one stone, shouldnt I?

Has any idiot (dun count those on detox also) tried to drink oil straight from the bottle, huh huh? For all ur info, oil is really hard to swallow down as it is so thick . Even though i mixed it wif some grapefruit juice, the juice just sank to the bottom and in the end i drank the oil on its own. The feeling is indescribable! Til now i keep burping out that olive oil smell...ewwwh. Steffi has degraded herself to new lows of gross-ity. Spent the night fighting down waves of nausea, and for wat? Nothing.Oh God, I wish i never have to re-enact that moment again. What were those olden Indians thinking of when they first came up wif this kind of program? Or were they under the illusion that we are actually all (lo and behold!) cars by nature? (mine is a Mercedes SLK complete with purring engine n in a hot pink color,mine u)125ml of olive oil. Sounds little but looks alot if u have to slug it. Can u imagine?

I bet my heart n arteries r all clogged up by now. Probably screaming "What the fuck did u just pump into me, Stef?!! Want me to malfunction faster issit?" So much for cleansing n removing all toxins frm my body system; yeah, by directly infusing it wif oil right? Is tis some sort of using-poison-to-cure-poison method? God, i can deep-fry chicken with that amt of oil and still haf leftovers to fry an omelette n veggies man. So if any of u founders of this detox prog is reading this, ye men-of-olden-times, could u puhleeze kindly modify/update the foul smelling-and-tasting stuff i gotta take so that it is able to adapt to the weaker stomachs of our current cosmopolitan/jet-setting/internet-savvy/k-economy (oh watever) society? Who am i kidding?

Btw i finally transferred the pics frm my dad's hp to this labby so posting up some pics for all ur perusal.

They came out!!!

2004-09-16T09:53:00.000+08:00

Hahaha! Aaaah....the BLISS of it! Notice i have been blogging like 3 times between last night n today right? Cos i am damn hyper n happy hehe. Usually i blog when i am hyper or guilty. Most of the time i cant be bothered to get my bigfatass off the couch hehe.Lemme get straight to the pt.

Congratulations n Celebrations!! Those pesky bloody stones r out!!! After the 2nd mug of nasty tasting liquid, they finally managed to push their way thru my asshole. Readers, pls take note again. If u feel like vomitting, skip this blog. I wun put curses n hexes on u guys. To continue, i did pass out loads of them, big n small included. Can string 2 necklaces, am proud to declare haha. Albeit not as many as my dad but tats cos he used to eat loads of junk plus he is so old liao.

Fyi, they are a greenish colour n look like raisins.Dun ask me if they r hard or soft cos i didnt dare to touch them. I oso saw some yellowish thingy floating ard...hope to God they r my fats...wun mind going to the toilet more often if they are hehe. I wanted to take pics of them floating prettily ard my toilet bowl so that i can post them up for u all to see. But guessed that u all would be so grossed out nobody would wanna visit my blog again. I can hear the 'Ewwwwhs' n 'Yucks' from here.Dun think u all r interested to hear more anyway.

I haf already given up the diet and am eating like crazy haha. So typical piggy me. Anyway, gotta run for dinner. My mom has been screaming for me to get my bigfatass to the table...sigh. dUN understd her. Since she noes my ass is big n fat why on earth still wanna ask me eat dinner? Adults r SO hard to fathom...

Oh ya, Rene...relax...i am not mad anymore la. But best is u dun go thru ALL my emails k..cos 1)too many n bo liao for u to read up on, 2)some r really too private but i forget which hehe. But i am NOT mad anymore..Ciao

The most inspiring piece of advice i've ever Read

2004-09-15T23:50:00.000+08:00

Hey, it made me make up my mind on certain things n take risks i didnt wanna take initially. Thanks, Rene. That came in time. Thought i would like to share it wif u ppl...

In your life, you'll make note of a lot of people. Ones with whom you shared something special, ones who will always mean something. There's the one you first kissed, the one you first loved, the one you lost your virginity to, the one you put on a pedestal, the one you're with... and the one that got away.

Who is the one that got away? I guess it's the person with who everything was great, everything was perfect but the timing was just wrong. There was no fault in the person, there was no flaw in the chemistry, but the cards just didn't fall the right way, I suppose.

I believe in the fact that ending up with someone, finding a longtime partner that is, does not lie merely in the other person. I can actually argue that an equal part, or maybe even the greater part, has to do with the matter of timing.

It has to do with you being ready to settle down and commit to someone in a way that goes beyond the little niceties of giddy romance.How often have you gone through it without even realizing it? When you're not ready to commit in that mature manner, it doesn't matter who you're with, it just doesn't work.

Small problems become big; inconsequentials become dealbreakers simply because you're not ready and it shows. It's not that you and the person you're with are no good; it's just that it's not yet right, and little things become the flashpoint of that fact.

Then one day you're ready. You really are. And when this happens, you'll be ready to settle down with someone. He or she may not be the most perfect, they might not be the brightest star of romance to ever have burned in your life, but

it'll work because you're ready. It'll work because it's the right time and you'll make it work. And it'll make sense, it really will.

So that day comes when you're finally making sense of things, and you find yourself to be a different person. Things are different, your approach is different, you finally understand who you are and what you want, and you have become ready because the time has truly arrived. And mind you, there's no telling when this day will come.

Hopefully you're single but you could be in a long-term relationship, you could be married with three kids, it doesn't matter. All you know is that you've changed, and for some reason, the one that got away, is the first person you think about.

You'll think about them because you'll wonder, "What if they were here today?"

You'll wonder, "What if we were together now, with me as I am and not as I was?" That's what the one that got away is. The biggest "What if?" you'll have in your life.

If you're married, you'll just have to accept the fact that the one that got away, got away. Believe me, no matter how fairy tale you think your marriage is, this can happen to the best of us. But hopefully you're mature enough to realize that you're already with the one you're with and this is just another test of your commitment, one which will just strengthen your marriage when you get past it.

Sure, you'll think about him/her every so often but it's alright. It's never nice to live with a "might have been," but it happens.

Maybe the one that got away is the one who's already married. In which case it's the same thing. You just have to accept and know that your memories of that person will probably bring a nice smile to your lips in the future when you're old and gray and reminiscing.

But if neither of that is the case, then it's different. What do you do if it's not yet too late? Simple... find him, find her. Because the very existence of a "one that got away" means that you'll always wonder, what if you got that one?

Ask him out to coffee, ask her out to a movie, it doesn't matter if you've dropped in from out of nowhere. You'd be surprised, you might be "the one that got away" as well for the person who is your "the one that got away".

You might drop in from out of nowhere and it won't make a difference. If the timing is finally right, it'll all just fall into place somehow and you know, I'm thinking, it would be a great feeling, in the end, to be able to say to someone,

"Hey you, you're the one that almost got away."

Me n sis

2004-09-15T23:33:00.000+08:00

Funny faces with ma sis in tis HK restaurant that serves great authentic canto food..Ok i am getting sick of this Hello shit. Last pic.

Bouquet

2004-09-15T23:15:00.000+08:00

My bouquet....nice right?So sweeet..

oakleys

2004-09-15T23:11:00.000+08:00

My Oakleys.. Cool anot? I like the funky nerdy (is there such a look?) look it gives me. Dispels the chiongster image i give out apparently..

2nd last day- I juSt can't wait!!

2004-09-15T13:55:00.000+08:00

Seems like a loong time since i last blogged;guess i am just nt a regular blogger. Or maybe i haven't realised the wonders of blogging, whatever that may be...I alwiz mean to blog regularly but either my life is just too pathetically boring, that i dun even haf a single issue to whimper about; or i am just plain lazy. Oh well, make it both i guess. However, just for those who thinks that i am feeling guilty n will try harder n make more effort next time, i really cant be bothered n dun gif a shit. Cos blogging is for MY (i repeat, MY) pleasure so i will do it as n when i like. Even if it means lifting my humongous heavy butt...

Anyway, i haf loads to blurt out...oh before i start, a very big THANK YOU to Rene for helping me by painfully listing dwn step-by-step instructions on how to put in music in a blog site. Btw, Rene, i figured it would be much easier if i just let u teach me face-to-face (hopefully do it for me too hehe) when i go over next year. Oooh, and the pics too puhleeeeze. What r friends for, eh?

Let's see...Btw, if u all have been counting, though i seriously doubt it, (re: last entry b4 tis) today is my 2nd last day of the detox program!! In a pissed mood right now cos i thought i was supposed to be able to eat all i like tml after the pebbles come out (i haf compiled a list of food to eat a foot long). Then it turns out i can't, gotta go thru bland food one more day. Thank goodness i am not meeting Jiansheng n Chaihui they all tml. Think of it oso sian cos i already bought so delicious 'kueh' from the night market just now, damn.

Anyway, i had already made plans wif Jiansheng to take me to NTU tis week, though i haven told him it will be tis thurs. Can u imagine i dunno hw to get there? Then i will meet Caihui n Nicole for lunch or sth (if i can make it for lunchtime) then mabbi hang out til it's time to go back or sth. Wonder if i am meeting Adrian tml anot. Hope so, hehe. Anyway he did say that we can go shopping for my Nike sandals/sneakers on Sunday, so i am holding u to tat, Adrian! Fri meeting Ms Khoo for lunch to pass her n Ms Koh the mooncakes. Tis yr cos i gotta pay myself n the fact tat i am broke as usual, halfing my budget for mooncakes hehe. Give them 2 each since all the same type anyway.

Gave my first English tuition on Mon. The kid is only 12 and he broke into a cold sweat when he saw me. He's so shy! (and therefore lovable) Or issit my face that scared him off? Oh dear, i didnt mean to. It's just that i didnt wanna be born into this discriminating, biased, superficial,go-only-for-looks-and-not-character world either with this kind of face either, dear. Anyway, i thought it went really well although he was extremely quiet (i thought everyone who looked at my face would automaticallt roll on the floor laughing, weird boy this one) and said 'yes, i understd' to everything i asked.

His mom wanted 2 lessons a week, siao lang (rd: crazy person). Hello aunty?Ur son still studying u noe?He got lessons, activities n u want him to go for 3 hr eng lessons a week? Wanna fill his days up also not lidat lah. Dun steal away his childhood pls. Bad enuf he gotta study in such a competitive environment. U want him to end up like those idiots in JC or worse still, sec sch who JUMP DOWN FROM HDB FLATS when they fail to get an A issit? But if u dun mind paying me double i oso dun mind la. Whatsmore i give him so much homework, i dunno if he can finish next wk, let alone if i tutor him twice a wk. Anyway i told her i will tutor her son twice a wk when he is having holiday. Ethics/Principles over monetary gain. Hehe.

Completed 2nd Jap classes oso. 1 word for it. Oh-Mi-God. I was so totally clueless in class. N i had already memorized half of the vowels n their characters. This Jap language right, sheesh. For one pronounciation, they got 2 sets of characters. N the characters r SO similar. Then in their sentences rite, they can mix both sets of characters for different vowels in one bloody sentence. So damn confusing. End up for every character i see i have to look all over my notes to get the pronounciation. I finish one phrase, he already finish explaining the whole sentence structure plus ans liao. How to progress? Still dare to say the class is for beginnerS. mY ass! He speak the whole time in Japanese n so fast who can catch up? Ok, so i super slow n more stupid than others la, but i oso pay sch fees wat. Wait i pay so much in the end come out still dunno anything, what's the point?

Monday is real exciting for me.Oooh...and i received a huge bouquet of roses too (on mon.sigh all the gd things happen on mon) while i was teaching Eng to my student. So paiseh cos i tink tat left him such an impression for a first class. I was totally not expecting anything at all cos nobody noes my msia address. The doorbell rang, n thinking cfrm it's not for me (cos it's nv for me) i told my brother to ans it. He called for me, n i went to the door pissed cos i was wondering how come he is so old liao still cannot shoo away those irritating salesmen. Then i saw this short geeky guy holding a big bouquet of flowers smiling at me. He asked if i was Steffi (nobody in msia calls me Steffi lorr) n i was like, Yeah. Den he passed me the bouquet n asked me to sign a receipt. Once i saw the receipt i knew who it came from. Actually, there can be only one person who is willing to do tat. Eric.

Sigh, i felt so bad when i received the flowers but couldnt resist smiling when i see them. Smiling now hehe. Guess most gals have this nice, sweet reaction to flowers. Sigh, Eric really tries, hard. I feel so bad that i can't reciprocate his feelings after all the effort he put in. But what to do? Feelings can't be forced. I did try once, n very hard too, but to no avail in the end. I felt like such a bitch later on (still do) when i had to reject him for the last time n i saw how shattered his heart was after that. God, i AM a BITCH.

Anyway, i told Adrian about the bouquet n was like telling him that i thought it was him. He said 'Cant be me lorr. I dun even know ur address.' I dun think he even knows my hse number. Right?Sigh..sometimes i cant help but see the difference. But it's ok cos as long he doesnt do anything to hurt me n treats me good enuf, i will be happy. Time for my olive oil w/grapefruit juice thing that i haf to drink at 10pm sharp. Yucks!!! I'm glad its all gonna be over by tml. Everybody pray i can pass out those stupid pebbles for which i haf been suffering...

Shall not compare

Will not compare

Must not compare

Ciao

Happy Birthday Dear JoJo

2004-09-10T14:59:00.000+08:00

Dear Rene...

Oooh, tats how i am supposed to start wif anyway. I bet u r damn pleased, gal. U finally own me at last! How nice, haha. Anyway, see the title?It's my brother's bdae today!!HAPPY BIRTHDAY KONG JO!!My baby brother, who thinks he is God and gives me hell all day long, finally turns 15 today. I know, still a looong way to maturity. Brought him out shopping today and he kept insisting on getting a handphone when he has absolutely no need for one. All in all everyone kept their tempers in check n behaved like angels today. Brought him to Secret Recipe (oooh, their cakes r so damn delicious. was thinking of marrying the chef,hehe) and he had a wonderful dinner, watched by 3 hungry, salivating family members (tats my parents n me) like hawks. I think he ate 4 slices of cake today.

Before someone even starts asking why, lemme inform u that i (and my parents) are currently in our 9th day of a detox program. N before u tell me "Aiyah so slim liao, where got need to go on a bloody detox", lemme clarify that tis prog was not undergone in the hopes of losing weight (although i lost a mere 2 kg only). God knows how many freaking times i haf repeated tat. It's to cleanse n remove the toxins from my body system so that i can live a longer life. Hehe, i hope that comes true man.

N before another oaf asks me sth like "Aiyah u so young detox for wat?", lemme explain that it is PRECISELY cos i am young, so i got better self control n can get thru the prog more successfully without fainting (kidding, although i haf vomitted); and also i can cleanse my body system now while i am still young, so as to enable me to eat more junk food when i get older, ok? Sigh, there has been zero support for me at all from all my frens n even those ladies i see in ladies class on tuesdays. Thank God i am usually holed up at home but its a torture to go out wif frens n get tempted just by the sheer smell of ... oh, anything. Sad n pathetic. Bt i will haf the last laugh in the end. MUAHAHAHAHA...

Anyway, enuf of tat. I haf just started my Japanese lessons!! A sense of euphoria sweeps over me everytime i think abt it, haha.I get so high! Attended my first lesson on Mon. Teacher was a chinese who studied in a Japanese university n came back. Whole lesson conducted in chinese so i was quite slow in catching up. Not that the lesson or tutor was great or anything, but when i practise aloud trying to speak simple words or phrases (like from 1-10), it sounds so kawaii!! or cute, for tat matter. Anyway just cos i am high, i am gonna teach u how to count 1-10 in jap..
Ahem!
1 = I-chi (pronounce 'e - chee')
2 = Ni
3 = San
4 = Shi or Yon (like 'yawn')
5 = Go
6 = Ro ku
7 = Ni-chi or Nana (personally i think nana sounds much cuter)
8 = Ha-chi
9 = Ku or Kyu (like 'Q')
10 = Jyu (like 'Jew')

And there u have it, all the jap words i can say without needing to refer to my notes. Been procrastinating his homework for too long but tats cos it's boring n requires loads of memorising. Sth i haven done for a long while. Sometimes i think my brain cells have already expired from long periods of inactivity, keke.

Anyway i hope to be real busy soon cos i will be starting my driving lessons 2 wednesdays from now. Well, at least the infamous monotonous 8-hr lecture on basic theory (a must to attend, God help me) in Malay is scheduled then...Plus i am pestering my mom to look up for available yoga classes n stuff.

was actually feeling quite sian, n mabbi a little confused of my feelings just now before i started blogging but now i feel much better. So mabbi blogging helps after all :p. Just ended a call with Him. God, i dun even noe whether he likes to see his name up in a website so i better play safe first. But this sounds funny, like i am refering to God lidat. So lets just name him AD.

As i was saying, i just finished a call before i went online. Dunno y, lately feel like its not enuf. I dun mean i wanna meet him or anything, although tat would be nice; it's more cos he's working n stuff n is usually so very tired...sometimes we hang up with me still wanting to continue the conversation. U noe, its tat kinda feeling whereby u will usually feel 'ah, it's enuf' n u get tis kinda real satisfied n happy feeling, like u haf just eaten ur meal or sth..den the call can be ended perfectly n wif sweet memories n satisfacton.

But lately dun haf tis feeling, its like past few days everytime he says he has got to go, i get the sad 'huh, u have to go?so fast?awwww..' feeling. Dunno hw to describe but tis is the best portrayal i can offer. There's this indescribable hunger tat just screams inside u, saying ' I STILL CANT GET ENUF!!!'.

Hahaha...i think this veers to exaggeration liao. Dun really want him to think i am so desperate for a guy, hehe. I got strong pride, gal, if u haven already noticed hehe. Anyway, i hope tis feeling goes away soon cos i hate to haf anything short of positive feelings inside me. I wanna be a bright n happy person, haha. Hate to feel so moroseful (aaah, tats the word). Wat can i say? He's been real busy (wat wif mambo n outings wif frens n overtime etc) so he's tired at the end of a long day. Coupled wif lack of slp the prev nites, i can understd him wanting to get to bed early.

Before u think..ah...steffi is SO mature..Tis is the rational me trying to justify frm his point of view haha. I dun want him to go 'alamak y u gals alwiz get upset over tis kind of minor stuff' den feels he can't take tis kind of extra pressure or burden, den just quit tis relationship. God, i haf spent such a long time n gotten my heart broken so many times for him, i will be damned if he leaves without even trying. So i betta keep my mouth shut. Zip.

Keep meaning to transfer pics that i haf taken frm my dad's O2 to my labby but everytime i get online he is already upstairs asleep wif his hp...so no pics to show u yet. (i took pics of my 02 glasses,haha. Nt tat u r interested anyway)Mabbi next time. Am thinking of buying a new hp wif a good built-in camera soon cos i just HAVE to take more pics n upload to my blogsite.

Btw, abt u knowing how to integrate music in the blogsite, tell me tell me how!!God i will love u for this, Rene. Also, u dun need to send me britney's toxic liao cos i am downloading it now hehe. Dun wanna trouble u so much keke. Bt pls pls puhleeeze send me alicia keys' 'if i aint got u' cos i really love that song.

Will try to blog more regularly.

Will try to blog more regularly

Will try to blog more regularly

There, i think i have embedded it in my brain. Hope i can remember that hehe. Ciao n take care, peeps.